Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Being on your own, boundaries

raniagale
raniagale
As I saw in another post about being on your own for more than a minute, I wanted to ask advice about what kind of boundaries are healthy for moving on. Obviously, I know not to jump into another serious relationship any time soon and that I need my time to heal and be healthy. However, I would like to take enjoyment in life and not be a complete homebody. At the moment, I am so busy moving into a new place, getting everyone settled and us all returning or getting ready to return to classes that it hasn't been an issue, but I do have a male friend who is truly a friend and that I know can never marry me (religious reasons) and that I would never marry for the same kinds of reasons. This friend would like to take me dancing, take family & friends bowling, have dinners with family & friends etc. He is extremely kind and sweet. I guess I am a bit concerned about using his friendship as a crutch or I don't know. I feel so off kilter that I no longer have any idea what is normal or appropriate.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Rania! IMHO, just as long as you are both clear that this is purely a friendship.... no harm...no fowl. It could be very healthy for you just to get out and have some fun....without any pressure......therapeutic for your self esteem?? Remember.....dance like nobody's watching!! Giant hugs from OKC!! Cindi
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think being with friends and not having a relationship is the best when you just left abuse. You need to reconnect with people in general. I see no harm in what you are doing.
clearbreakofday
clearbreakofday
I understand what you mean. Having boundaries is important and will help ward off predators. I do think that if you still feel vulnerable maybe you should step back a little. It's all about you and what makes you feel secure and comfortable
silentstrength
silentstrength
hmmm... well, what I would say is that you've come here to ask us what we think. So perhaps there's something in that... is it really just that you don't know what's appropriate? Or are you worried about doing this with him? are you fearful of getting into another situation that could end up hurting you or are you worried because you perhaps think this friend likes you more than a friend, or that you might end up liking him more than a friend?

I just ask these questions because you came here to ask us. so I would throw this back to you and say, what do you feel? are you ready? do you want this or does it frighten you?
if it frightens you and he is a good friend, but you also do want to do it, then perhaps you could just take things very slowly and se how it feels.
or, if you think that what you need right now is to be indepent and feel like you aren't relying on someone, think about things that you would like him to do for you as a friend that you'd feel happy about. like, i don't know, things on your terms. inviting him around to have a pizza or asking him to do things when you want. that way, you're more in control?

but also, if you're not ready, that's OK. you can still talk on the phone or e-mail, and if he's such a good friend he wil understand.

Hugs. I hope you work out what is right for you.. and remember, you can always change your mind.