Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Begging me!!!???

tonyaabernathy
tonyaabernathy
He wants me to stop the divorce,and is acting like the Man he should have been all these years of freakin hell he has put me through! 25 years as a matter of fact.I feel as though I'm going crazy from his manipulation and my damn Attorney is just like him he is a complete control freak! We go to court today and yesterday I was furious at the attorney and husband too! I don't know how the hell I'm going to stay in control today with the conversations I had with the 2 of them yesterday,I'm sure that the conversation where for that reason to unnerve me and get me so upset for today!Think the Attorney's goal is to make this as complicated as possible so that he can drag it out and make more money,at my expense!!Just because he and my husband are both Narc's that get off on hurting others for power trips!! I'm so furious with the Att. I hired I will be firing him today as soon as we get out of court,and now I get to start over with another,yeah me!Sorry for the rant but I know you guys are the most understanding people and no one else that I know is!!!!
jojo42
jojo42
You go girl. Dig in those heels and don't let him do any more damage to you. Vent away!!
Mine beg me to stop it too and cried and was the man he was supposed to be too.....insane isn't it?
Livndadrem
Livndadrem
I have no problem with you firing your atty if that's what you need to do, but it may be worth having a frank talk to them - or their boss (if there is one) first. Just so you don't have to start over. If you have already done this, though, then fire away! Not all atty's are great, and not all the ones who ARE good are the right ones for the job. That said, sometimes a narc atty - if focussed on the right goal - can actually help against another narc.

As for the stbx ... yeah it really sucks huh? What it DOES prove, though, is that they know how they SHOULD be, and that they just choose not to.

Hang in there - it WILL be over.
artemis000
artemis000
I'm sorry you're going through this. Your Attorney is supposed to be your pillar of strength right now, not an added problem for you to deal with. I have actually worked for Attorneys who have spun cases out by worsening relations between the parties, causing acrimonious divorces to turn into years of acriminious child access battles. Not only is it unprofessional, but IMO a total abuse of power and it causes immense damage to all concerned. I think you're wise to fire your Attorney. You don't need someone like that acting for you - particularly when you're dealing with an abuser.

As for your STBX, he's probably doing what all abusers do when they know that they've lost control, and I wouldn't be fooled by it because it's unlikely that it'll last.

Hang on in there. You're almost free!
jeniq
jeniq
Firing the Attorney is the best thing to do. From my experience anyone that annoys the heck out of you and seemingly doing their job. Give him the boot. Do not be fooled by your soon to be ex that he will change. They wont no-body changes. I have been married for 20 years and my husband is still verbal and a physical abuser. Physical he has never touched me but tried by throwing things. I tried separating years back only for him to beg me back. Just the other day he had another episode of verbally attacking me and throwing things at me. I have chosen to sleep in another room and not talk to him for a month.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Now that he is going to loose you he wants you to stop the divorce. That's a joke. No matter how nice he treats you, don't do it. He will go back to his old self.

Interview some other attorneys and find one you feel comfortable with. I saw three before I settled on one - ask around for referrals too. Alot of the first meetings are free and I took advantage of that.

I fear that if the attorney you have now is a narc then he's just not what you need. You need someone who understands what you are gong through, not someone who is on the same level as the man you are divorcing.

Good luck today and keep your cool. Let us know how you make out in court.
deleted_user
deleted_user
One word: Hoovering
That's what he's doing. As soon as he sees he ain't getting anywhere and you are not falling for it, he will become nasty again!
deleted_user
deleted_user
"!Think the Attorney's goal is to make this as complicated as possible so that he can drag it out and make more money,at my expense!!"
BINGO! That is exactly what they do with no regard for the effect it has or the way it increases the danger to the abuse victim when it comes to an abusive marriage. So glad you're firing him. So sorry he was just another narc. Consider a female divorce attorney this time, if at all possible.

"He wants me to stop the divorce,and is acting like the Man he should have been all these years of freakin hell he has put me through"
The key word is "acting" because that's all it is, an act. He probably wants you to stop the divorce because he knows it's going to cost him, big time. Don't fall for his goody goody act now.
Just keep on being tough. Nothing pissed me off more than the way the system is set up to assist the abuser.
tonyaabernathy
tonyaabernathy
Thank you all SO much for your words of encouragement,I so need encouragement to keep going, at times I feel weak.But I do know that this is the only way to get out and away from the abuse,I think you all know how powerful the abuser can seem with his family. He's the one that's been in control forever and know I'm taking back my power and I will not except his abuse anymore!