Something I really enjoy doing is volunteering. Even if I start a new job this new year, I'd love to have a bit of time to still do that somewhere meaningful.

"Question...What is something you really enjoy doing?"

Making things or outdoor activities.

Question: What is your favorite conspiracy theory?

Oh, good one! (Conspiracy theory question)

For me I think it'd have to be anything to do with the Freemasons. Not because of me ... but because my dad was (is) one, and I'd just love to know what was so riveting that he could spend so many days and nights of the week away from us. It intrigues me, partly because it's so secret, and partly because of the emotional link.

I believe I failed to ask another question after my last response, sooo... It's an odd one, but: shower or bathtub?

Rocking, Freemasons, that's a good one. My impression is they are a bit strange.

Conspiracy theory..first thought came into my mind was the Kennedy Assassination and the different theories about bullet trajectory, mob related, etc. Then I see AndreaBEE post and there is a profile pic of Marilyn.

Shower or tub? Usually shower, unless I am chilled or achy, then a warm bath.

Question...Who was a big influence on your life growing up?

Oh Joanie I am sorry about what happened to your horse. It is so difficult to put them down. We had to put a little pony down the other day at my farm and it was traumatic to all of us. You sound lie a wonderful mom to your animals. Big hug.

Thank you for your sincerity ltwist. I have a painting on my wall of him, done by a woman that has only ever known me online and she sells her stuff for lots of money but did this for free and sent it to me. It is not only amazing in the detail she captured the photo I had on Facebook, but in the fact she does it without the use of her arms.
I was so touched, I made her a handsewn Christmas stocking that is carried on by me through my grandmothers pattern. :)
I am very sorry about your pony.

Influence on me growing up - my dad. He's truly been a wonderful father, and much of the person I am today can be owed to his influence.

Question - To what age can you remember back to? What is your very earliest memory?

RockinBunny: THAT'S INTERESTING! I would have said "Illuminati" just because of the fantastical nature of it all. I love conspiracy theories because they combine truth and fantasy into an addictive candy-like substance.

"Question - To what age can you remember back to? What is your very earliest memory?"

I can remember my mom telling me I was going to school and wondering what school is. It sits right next to a memory of looking through a pin-hole in a vinyl curtain and thinking it looked like the moon ( I don't know if those 2 memories are actually related though). I also remember my first day of school, not wanting to go, and hanging onto the headrest of the car and crying while a teacher was pulling me out. XD

Favorite drink: with alcohol, chardonnay; without, any flavored water with lots of ice. Although with that said I did have a McDonald's caramel frappe recently and it was delish!

Favorite conspiracy theory: not sure, my most recent memory on this topic is that the ex use to remark frequently that I thought EVERYTHING was a conspiracy. Uh, not really true, except for maybe, in hindsight, his terrible treatment of me.

And in terms of the most influential person in my life growing up - hands down my dad.

What's your biggest pet peeve?

"To what age can you remember back to?"

4 years old. I was sitting on the underground metro train next to my paternal grandfather. It's very shadowy, but I can remember he was wearing his mackintosh and a trilby hat that he always wore... and the smell of cigarette smoke was coming from him :) That is one of only two memories I have of him. He died when I was 5.

"Who was a big influence on your life growing up?"

My teachers. They often gave me the support and encouragement that I felt I didn't receive at home. Many seemed to take a fatherly or motherly interest which was nice. I am sure that without their input I would have turned out very differently.

ooooo that IS interesting! And I totally get the candy reference, LOL.

Ok this is no word of a lie but I can remember being a baby in my baby bouncer, I also remember being in my baby walker. We had a metal running that went across the floor in the living room, it used to be two rooms but got knocked through into one big room, I used to get stuck on it in my walker. One day I picked my walker up, walk over the line and carried on running. My mother came in at that moment and said in the most excited voice "you clever girl!" And it stuck with me that I'd achieved something, I'd worked it out for myself.

I also remember not being able to talk but knowing how I felt and what I wanted etc.

And my earliest memory is a voice, I remember being told to wake up. The voice said "your here, can u believe it? What do you want to do first?"
I thought "walk!"
And ontoo of that I even remember having a conversation that went along the lines of "I knew it was all real" and I was told "you'll forget this part thou!" And I said "I won't forget, not me" and I was told "everyone forgets" and I thought I'm not going to allow myself to forget, and I kept saying "don't forget don't forget!" And believe this or not but this memory seriously feels before I was born!
(I don't normal share this with others as its very out there, but it's my most honest answer!)

My grandad was a big influence. I was very close to him and he was one of my soul mates. He was the loveliest most gentle kindest man and person I had ever met.

Question: "do u love yourself? Do you dislike yourself?"

That is really neat how you remember happy things Kaz. Sometimes I am glad for my memory and other times I wish I could wipe it clean of the bad things that wake me up at night.
I am working on liking myself but to be honest I would have to say I have a lot of esteem issues, shame, and guilt. SA coupled with other abuse most likely does that. Hoping one day I will get past it. Profound question by the way.

Not sure if this question got answered but pet peeve? Can't remember who asked it. Mine is Abuse...of any kind. Especially children, animals and elderly though. I worked at a nursing home for a while and I had to quit. Too rough. Same with volunteering at a shelter..found out it was a kill shelter.

Question ..getting back to a bit lighter stuff..what do you prefer Cake or pie?

My pet peeve is bossy people! I have encountered many at home, work, and in everyday life, and they always make me feel so angry, which I don't like. I feel unwell when I have been angry.

Oh, cake or pie is lighthearted, but it's reeeally hard, LOL! I think I will have to go with cake, because a lot of pies over here have pastry, and I can't really take a lot of that. Unless it's filo (puff) pastry...am a sucker for anything with that :) xx

I can remember back to 9months of age... I had to have ear surgery, and I was very, very scared. I clearly remember the people who were there and even what they were wearing. I wanted my mom to hold me, and accompany me into the operating room with the doctors. I remember screaming my little head off!

No one even told me about this surgery until I asked my mom about it. IMy great-grandparents were there. They died a couple of months later. My mom was shocked and amazed that I even remembered this event! This is exactly why I think the environment we raise our chikdren in is soooo important. They remember not only events, but how they felt, the good and the bad. I also think children are very resilient and when shown healthy love, care and compassion, the damage caused by abuse can be overcome.


Kaz-

I love myself and I dislike myself. I love who I am on the inside, but I have this fierce, protective part of me that constantly criticizes me in attempt to make me behave and appear in socially acceptable ways. Unfortunately, this part is maladaptive and while very good at protecting me from abusers, it closes me off from feeling safe, love and unjudged by both myself and the world. It no longer works. I am learning how to re-parent myself and nurture love both within myself and exuding it to others in safe situations and with strong boundaries in place. It is a lot of work! :)

As for cake or pie, I have to say... Cake!!! I love chocolate fudge cake... So decadent and yummy!!!

Also, I had the most amazing pie last month... I went out snowshoeing, and stopped by this little diner in the way back for a couple of little goodies... I had a feeling I should buy one of their frozen pies... And I fell in love!!! It was a mixture of huckleberries, blackberries and raspberries... All natural and organic, and topped with crystalized sugar!!! Oh my goodness... I am just about drooling right now!!!


A Question: What is your favorite holiday?