Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So I posted originally that I was unsure if my SO was emotionally abusing me. I got some great answers and I started to do some research of my own.
Out of all the sites and articles I've read my spouse doesn't even meet half the 'requirements'. I found a site that listed off questions to ask myself, and out of fifty some I could only answer that just shy of twenty applied to me.
Plus the testamonials I've read....the women had it so much worse then I do. He doesn't scream at me. He doesn't control what I spend (though when I buy something for myself I find myself waiting with baited breath until he finds out and either brushes it off or berates me). But he doesn't clear cut say that I can't spend it. He doesn't estrange me from my friend. I only have one really lol. And Im allowed to go to coffee or out with her when ever I want. He lets me go to bars with my sister or his.
Plus, out of six and a half years he hasn't been like this the whole time. When it was just the two of us he was lazy...but not mean. And then when I got pregnant, it changed. We both wanted the baby, or so I thought as that's what he told me, but once I told him I was knocked up his whole attitude shifted. And it's only gotten really bad in the last two years.
I have already started the steps to move out, but a large part of me doesn't want too. I thought maybe I would write out all the questions from that site that apply to me, then answer them in the fullest and allow him to read it. And talk about it. And if he refuses to see what I feel....then keep the process of leaving (he DOES NOT know) going. But maybe I can save this....it seems he is just borderline??
Could I be over reacting? Or am I just delusional? I have no one to talk to about this....sorry for all the posts that will most likely follow....
Out of all the sites and articles I've read my spouse doesn't even meet half the 'requirements'. I found a site that listed off questions to ask myself, and out of fifty some I could only answer that just shy of twenty applied to me.
Plus the testamonials I've read....the women had it so much worse then I do. He doesn't scream at me. He doesn't control what I spend (though when I buy something for myself I find myself waiting with baited breath until he finds out and either brushes it off or berates me). But he doesn't clear cut say that I can't spend it. He doesn't estrange me from my friend. I only have one really lol. And Im allowed to go to coffee or out with her when ever I want. He lets me go to bars with my sister or his.
Plus, out of six and a half years he hasn't been like this the whole time. When it was just the two of us he was lazy...but not mean. And then when I got pregnant, it changed. We both wanted the baby, or so I thought as that's what he told me, but once I told him I was knocked up his whole attitude shifted. And it's only gotten really bad in the last two years.
I have already started the steps to move out, but a large part of me doesn't want too. I thought maybe I would write out all the questions from that site that apply to me, then answer them in the fullest and allow him to read it. And talk about it. And if he refuses to see what I feel....then keep the process of leaving (he DOES NOT know) going. But maybe I can save this....it seems he is just borderline??
Could I be over reacting? Or am I just delusional? I have no one to talk to about this....sorry for all the posts that will most likely follow....
Is there a difference?
You don't have to meet someone elses idea of what acceptable behavior is, you get to decide that for yourself. If he treats you disrespectfully it really doesn't matter in how many ways shapes or forms it takes, it's disrespect. if it is a repeated habit, that is all you need to know that it isn't acceptable.
As far as having him take the test and hoping to get him to acknowledge that he is hurting you....imo it won't happen. He will deny it, just as all abusers deny it and further he will resent you for trying to get him to admit to and own up to be an abuser. It's not like he'll suddenly have an epiphany, slap his hand to his forhead and say.."oh so that's what I do and THAT is what I am, I'm so sorry." If by some miracle he actually does own up to any of his abuse and promise to change, it will only be an attempt at keeping you involved with him but i only forsee him doing that after you have shown him you are serious about leaving him or after you have left, not before. Take my advice don't share your knowledge with him about abuse. He will learn to use it to his advantage. He will learn the terms and find a way to turn it all around on you. Your energy would be better spent in putting your plan in place for when you decide to leave him.
the fact that you are wondering if you're being abused is, alone, a pretty good indicator that you are.