Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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jstanicegirl 05/05/2014

This man is truly making me crazy. Angry all the time...ALL the time. The occasions when he is not it is because he has gotten exactly what he wanted...no matter what the cost to me.
He got mad at me because I got my period!! We hadnt had sex in 2 or 3 days and I had the nerve to get my period!! If I knew it was coming why didnt I have sex with him beforehand??? He feels as if sex is his absolute right and I have no choice in it. If I dare say no there is hell to pay.
He gets angry bout most everything if I dare not agree with him...but mostly its about sex. I have a normal sex drive..but he tells me all the time I am not normal. Why does he not understand how twisted it has become for me. Always knowing that if I dont I will be punished for days. Told i'm destined to lose men...told that I deserve to be cheated on.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of behaviour?

AndreaBEE 05/05/2014

UGH. I am sorry this is happening to you. Keep coming to DS and educating yourself. Blessings to you.

IleneW 05/05/2014

Hi Hon -----

It's good that you are here.

What you have described
is typcial of
abusive behavior.

I don't know where you live,
but probably somewhere
not too far from you, is a
women's center. Please
think about giving them
a visit.

And yes, please keep
reading here, and also
any sites or books
having to do with
abuse and
regaining your
self-regard.

You are more than
your sexual availability.
You are a flower
on the
stem of the universe.

Please love yourself
and your life.

And please,
take good care!

Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.

deleted_user 05/05/2014

Here's for a good laugh. While in counseling with narc. husband he told the counselor (who was an older gentleman and pastor). "I have a stronger sex drive than most men." The pastor looked him straight in the eyes and said, "No you don't!" --- I want to get up and do the jig! FINALLY someone put him in his place. The look on narc's face! PRICELESS!

Eyes

jstanicegirl 05/06/2014

Thank you all. This is my beginning to find some strength. To talk with others who may understand. The master manipulation that twists your mind so bad.
I will find my local womens resource center.
And Eyes, I get that from him too...about his sex drive...and I want to SCREAM at the top of my lungs...ITS NOT YOUR SEX DRIVE YOU FOOL!! But I know that will do no good. I am convinced this man is a narc and a sociopath. Its all about him all the time. Absolutely ZERO remorse about anything he says or does. It is quite maddening to deal with.

ginateresa 05/06/2014

NOW you're talkin, jstanicegirl! He is a jerk Narcissist Sociopath. I married one 7 years ago that did and said the EXACT SAME THINGS!! Mine would have sex with me wether I participated or not. Disgusting.
Glad to be rid of that slime. Hope you get away from this jerk.....and SOON.

deleted_user 05/06/2014

Whenever one person ''makes'' another have sex when they don't want to, is called rape. Yes, there is rape in abusive relationships. Either you are married, or you have a partner. In any case, these sociopaths are more dangerous, because they are not ''strangers''. Sick. Knowledge is power. Find out all you can. Go to the women's center. Find out how to keep yourself safe. Stay on this site. We have been there, and have survived. Most of us have changed our circumstances for the better. And you can too. You are not alone. And you are stronger than you think you are.

Livndadrem 05/07/2014

Yes, I too can relate. My ex did the same stuff, including having sex whether I wanted to or not, whether I participated or not. And then had the gall to complain that I wasn't any good in bed any more. Well go figure.

I'm glad you are finding your strength. Keep moving forward, in your own way and your own time.

ElenaNJ 05/07/2014

hi, i have dealt with abusive sexual behavior from my ex also.

it leaves one, or me feeling unwell mentally, and confused.

counseling has helped, and now being apart from him.

glad you have come to this forum.

blackdog999 05/08/2014

I am so sorry you are being subjected to this kind of behavior. You dont deserve it. If you love and respect someone you dont cheat on them even if they never have sex with you ever.

rexory15 05/12/2014

I can so relate too. There was one time that we were fooling around and I tended to him first. So I let him recover and go to the Bathroom and when I come back in he's got his underwear back on and the covers pulled up. So I say to him what about me? And he says we should have done it before. And that it was too late now. IT WASN'T TOO LATE 5 MINS BEFORE THAT FOR ME TO TAKE CARE OF HIS NEEDS! And he also said you should have told me. WTF! Are You KIDDING ME??? It's ok for me to meet his needs but when it comes to mine forget it. You would think that he Would WANT to reciprocate. But as ALWAYS He ONLY Does Things When It's CONVIENT FOR HIM!!! And it wasn't at the time I guess.

wep 05/12/2014

I agree with illene, take care of your self. Most men who do not understand stuff like women do get periods, they are considered cowards and dogs. There was a person I knew who had sex while she was on her period got very sick. She had to be hospitalized. If he was a woman I wonder would he allow his man to touch him during such a crucial time of the month.

deleted_user 05/14/2014

I read in Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That?", that not all narcissist men are sexually abusive in the sense of belittling, withholding, or being physically violent. *BUT*, their gentle and considerate ways sexually are STILL about them, it's about proving they are great lovers! It's just another way they are selfish and users. This had always stumped me===>all the verbal, emotional, physical abuse I endured, but with sex he treated me kindly. When I read Bancroft's book, it all made sense!

Eyes

Baxjanson 05/14/2014

I can sympathize, although I'm coming at he problem from the other side of the equation. My wife and I would go for months (record, not including the separation, was 8 months straight) without touching, and when I tried to initiate, she'd roll over and go to sleep. Complaining resulted in her calling me a sex addict - having sex resulted in her calling me a rapist.

I asked what I could do, of course - funny thing, the answer was always to pursue her even harder, and take on even more responsibility around the house. Never worked, of course.

RockinBunny 05/14/2014

I have been turning this over in my mind to properly articulate a response.

I got both. Mine would start when I had made it clear it was my "off week" and I wasn`t feeling well. Such a guilting and promise of tantrums would ensue that I always gave in even though I hated it.

Sometimes, at normal times, it was good, but those times were when coincidentally in-sync moods happened. He still didn't like ever being said no to (which was not very often, really), even though he wanted to reserve the right to say it to me whenever he wanted.

If he hugged me, I was to reciprocate whether I wanted to be touched or not. If I hugged him, after a couple of seconds he would grab me by the shoulders and positively shove me away, a la my mother.

Very hard to ever feel happy in a situation like this. It`s like you're living on a knife edge.

whyme123 05/14/2014

If I didn't service his needs first he literally would throw a tantrum ... stomping feet and slamming doors. I think thats all he cared about. I regret ever letting him bully me into doing that in the first place. I would do it to keep the peace but it definitely scarred me. I've been gone almost 11 months and hadn't touched him in anyway for almost three years before that. I had told my sister that I'd never do that to another man because I never wanted to feel that way again. I've taken these 11 months to be alone and heal after 21 years with the ex. Well, I met someone not too long ago and happy to say im no longer scarred. And am enjoying a health sex life.

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