oh dear..you know what you need to do so i wont say it. i'm sure so many of these wonderful, knowledgable people will follow with good advice for you.
its another scare tactic! they all say that shit..i'm gonna take the kids away, i'm going to show everyone how horrible you are, i'm going to paint you black so no one will ever go near you again, call the cops on you, get you fired, and so on and so on and so on..
it's just more lies! he's lying. he can never, ever take away your children. never! never!! it doesn't matter what he tries to do in that regard, but he will never get custody. ever.
call the domestic violence shelter in your area, get into the shelter right away before he kills you and document. you have this posting as one incident but start writing it down in journals or anything but keep track and get out now!
you have to get out. let him say what he wants, just dont rock the boat and disappear before he knows what even happened.
be safe hun..i'm thinking and praying for you!!

Horrible, just horrible! What a piece of shit ( sorry) He is an animal.
Now, like gogo said. Start documenting everything! The more you have ( evidence) the less chance he will have getting visitation rights. Especially if the abuse is infront of them ( even in your arms)! He CANNOT get custody for sure. But maybe later (hopefully when he comes out of jail, since I htink you must call the cops on him) he may get visitation rights and the more evindence you have the better. Take pictures of your bruises... as horrible as it sounds, if you have fear of losing your kids ( which you won't) start now. Be ten steps ahead and arm yourself with pictures and document everything. It is one sure way of him getting anything at all conserning your kids.
But I think you should not wait for the next bruise to take a picture- I think you must leave NOW to a Domestic violence shelter ASAP! He WILL probably end up killing you. He might press your neck just a tad harder the next time and you are DEAD. SOrry to sound so harsh.
You are a loving mom I can see and love your kids..... do it for them, leave this sick monster, he is gonna kill you.
Be strong and get out.
hugs

He says he can take the kids from me cuz I use to cut myself and he throws it in my face.telling me I'm a horrible mother and I don't have a chance of taking the kids with me.

Hon ---

Please call this number
right away!!!!!!

(866) 644-3574

It's the toll-free number
to your state's coalition
against D.V.

He CAN'T take your children
because you used to cut. He's
lying. Abusers do that.

He's the most DANGEROUS
kind of abuser.

Abusers who strangle are
totally capable of killing you.

When it's SAFE, CALL THAT NUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are right to be terrified of him.
That's your natural survival instinct
trying to keep you and your children
ALIVE.

Don't wait.

GET HELP RIGHT AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, you will need to look into that part of you and get some counseling in the near future. Was this after or before you met him? If it was after, then living in a situation like that can make you very depressed and that may have been the cause of you cutting yourself. Get help for that, for your sake and that of your kids. So they grow up to see a mother that loves life and they will be happier.
In any case, you are doing yourself harm and not others directly. You are not cutting him or your kids.
Like I said, get help for that. But now you can use that against him instead of him against you. When you tell the Domestic violence counselors this, say that you needed to get away frm his abuse as he was sure going to kill you, choked you etc etc AND that you were so weak and hopeless that you cut yourself as you did not know what to do and he was killing you inside and you saw no way out and thatnk God you decided to come to them to get help and leave that shit life. USE IT AGAINST HIM. Be ten steps ahead!
If you have pictures and documentation of what he has done to you, there is NO chance he will take your kids from you!!!!! It is part of their abuse to use the 'taking away your kids' !!! Mine did it too!! And two of my kids were not even HIS!!! So he threatened to take away mine, because I was 'so and so' and HIS child away....because I was a bad mother, abusive, crazy, ignorant..etc etc...... I was afraid too, but then I went to seek counseling for MYSELF and told the therapist I needed to better myself and become a better mom and person and get better form his abuse. THAT was showing that if I DID have any major problems, I was out there trying to get better. That is a PLUS for oneself and for others who might judge you.
If I were you, I would pack when he is a work, if he works and get the hell out to a DV shelter. OR, since we all know how hard it is to leave and it may take a little time, then make sure when he does anything to you again, You call the cops for sure!! That, is HIS ticket to saying bye bye to some of his parental rights. THAT, putting him into jail, as hard as it may be would be what you need to show the world who he is. ANd don't feel sorry for his ass and call the cops, because by doing so, you are closer to having your kids to yourself and him not getting much at all.

Absolutely you need to get yourself and your children to a shelter as soon as possible. Your BF's violence is at a point where it will kill you if you don't get out.

You need a safety plan and a safe exit plan. The number Ilene gave you will tell you how to make these plans. I agree that he is the most dangerous kind of abuser. He could kill you and your kids.

When you leave, you will need to make sure that he can't find you or contact you because you and your children will be in danger. You will also need to get a court order to keep him away from you and your kids as soon as possible after leaving.

After you read all of these responses, please message the website:
http://www.dailystrength.org/help/feedback
and ask that they delete your son's name from your post. Also go to your profile and either make it private, or delete some of your personal details and your photo (if it's a picture of you) so that he can't identify you. I'm very concerned about what he would do to you or your children if he found your post. I used to also delete my internet history from my computer.

Wishing you safety.
Life

I have to agree with the others.

I know how scary this is, my ex also strangled me and it terrified me. He also told me he was going to have our son put in care because of my mental problems (I was depressed, go figure). When the baby was very little, I struggled with him (again, go figure). I never hit him, never neglected him, never harmed him in any way, but I struggled and was stressed out a lot. So my delightful then husband told me he was going to use that to have my boy taken away from me and put in care, then he'd get custody.

Its a LIE. So many of them say it. They say it because they know it's the single most frightening thing they can say - that not only will you lose your kids but you will have to accept them growing up with a monster. But it's a LIE.

I also know how terrifying it is to call the police. One fear is that it will make things worse (it generally doesn't), another is that we still love them in spite of everything and don't want to hurt them like that (which is bs - they are doing it to themselves when they decide it's ok to put their hands on us). But as others said, apart from anything else, it will help you to prove that he is NOT a fit parent and so that will nix any chance he has of taking your kids from you, and will probably stop him even being able to get unsupervised access to them.

Please call the number Ilene gave you. Please get yourself some support and know that you are not alone. He can't take your kids from you, but if you stay he just might take you from them.

I use to cut but I haven't done it in 3 years.
Yet he still throws it in my face.
I've recently talked to his mother and told her about what he's been doing but I wasn't able to talk to her for long.
When I told her about it I said he needs anger management and all she said what "ya think?!" So idk what her veiw on it is.
I'm going to try to talk to her again when I get the chance to see if she can help me figure out why he is like this and to try to figure out if there's anything we can do to help him.
I know its not a healthy relationship but I really do love him.
I honetly don't know what happen to him cuz he is deff not the same guy I fell in love with anymore.

I use to just tell everyone that everything was fine when it really wasn't and I would just keep it to myself but I can't anymore.
I'm done being quiet about all the shit he's put me through.
I'm sick of not standing up for myself and just letting it go.
I'm standing up for myself now and making changes cuz I know I have to for my sons.
I'm just trying to figure out what I can do and what I need to do.

Thank you for all your help/advice and I will call that number when I get the chance to.

You haven't cut since before your first was born. I didn't really believe that would matter anyway, but the fact you haven't cut since before they were born means that there is NO way he can use it against you to take the kids.

ABUSERS LIE!

He may hold it against you - that's just another form of abuse. He's not a judge is he? A family lawyer?

The best way to help him is to hold him accountable for his actions. For as long as you allow him to beat and abuse you without consequence, he is not going to see any point in changing. Also, there is nothing you can do to change another person, they have to do it themselves, if at all.

The chances of an abuser changing are very very small, but the only way, the ONLY way they are going to change is if they want to. And while there are no consequences to his actions, there is no reason to change.

I really hope you will call the number. I also hope you will call the police when he attacks you again.

I should add too, in the meantime, please be very VERY careful. This is a very dangerous man, standing up for yourself with him may get you killed. If you really want to stand up for yourself, get the authorities involved to back you up.

I have tried to call the police before but he takes my cell phone and takes the cords to the home phone so I can't call anyone.

I miss the way he use to be. Idk what made him change like this...

Actually, he didn't change. He is finally being who he really is at his core. The part you miss was an act, a mask just to 'get' you. Once he got you, his real self showed up.
I know, it's hard to believe this. I didn't want to and was sure it was not the case with my ex. But when I came to this place and saw that all the abusers did the same to alllll these women ( and some men) that I realized it was true. It is true for yours aswell. Please read as much as you can here. It all will start making more sense. And try to not defend him in your mind when you read the posts. I have done that, Try to really really believe that what you are reading is true and that it is happening to you.
The ones you should focus on, I think, are the ones that say that they don't change. That the stories of abusers and studies have proven that only like 1-2% of them change and that is IF they actually admit they are wrong and admit to the abuse and take responsibility for the abuse. And as abusers are, they hardly ever take any fault in their doings. They blame it on the 'victim'.
SO, you can talk to his mom all you want. She and you together can't do a damn thing to change him and for him to get better. That this is a fact! He needs extensive psychological work and the will..... but as yours is one of the worst kind ( choking you etc) then IMO, there is no chance for him to change. But this is only my opinion and I really believe it from all the stuff I have read and heard and statistics etc etc.
I hope you really see what is really happenening soon. I know, you are in denial now and in some fantasy cloud believing he will change and how much you love him and want him to be the person you met. I KNOW, I have been there and it has taken me a lot of time and heartache and pain to start seeing him for who he really is. And inside, I do still love him, love the man I met not the asshole he bacame ( real self).
Please, this guy is real bad. Call the cops on him or go there when he is not around. GO there and tell them what he has been doing and if you have evidence, take it!! Get him arrested, he deserves to go to jail and more. Like I said before, getting him arrested is the bast you can do so he loses a lot of his priorities as a father. I should have done this when it was happenening. I should have had him arrested as we have a child together and it has been hell as he tries to play the nice guy. If I would have called the cops, they would see him today as the shit he really is!
It's your call now. BE strong, this guy does not care for your wellbeing, care for yours and that of your kids and do something ASAP!!!!
Hugs

Oh, and another thing. Yes, going to a shelter is what you should do BUT I really believe that in this case, you shoudl get him arrested and he is being actively violent and throw his ass into jail! Then he will be gone for a while, you get people to see who he is and ehat he has done AND finally you get to stay in your home and won't have to be moving around with kids. And you won't have to worry about him, since he is in jail!! This, again, is what I would so. You will gain a lot by having him put there. I know, you love him and it's hard, but he is a monster

I agree with almost everything gigi said. The only thing I would say is that I don't agree with the idea that you should "have him put in jail" - he is the one responsible for his actions. Call the police, but don't hold yourself responsible for what happens after that.

I did read what you said about him taking your phone etc. But he obviously gives it back to you, since you are able to ring his mother etc. So call them when you can. If he's leaving bruises, it won't matter that you don't call immediately. They are used to that sort of thing.

For your safety, for the safety of your kids, and for the sake of holding him accountable for his actions (which is the only tiny chance you have that he'll change, in my view), please report his criminal acts.