I have four of the sleekest healthiest guinea pigs buet soon that will change. I have been told by two vets and a biopsy that one of my piggies (daisy) has cavy leukemia and that treatment wouldn't help.

I have to hide what I feel as my mums on holiday now and says that last time she was on holiday it was' all about the rabbit dying'.

So I have no one to talk to about this and all I want to do is cry. No one is doing anything to help daisy and every day the lumps get bigger and more appear. I'm not ready to let her go and shes only 4.5 years old!! Thats too young to loose a piggie. Once she goes it will be the begginning of the end as I want to move out and landlords won't take pets so I won't be able to have them. But they keep me going. If I hadn't have had them then the day My dog died, so would have I. They need me and I need them as without them I have no one.

I can't loose her yet I have no idea what to do other than love her, feed her nice things and cuddle her. I have had pigs die from illness before but never like this. Once they get sick then they eaither recover or die within a week.  I had planned to go away while mum has her holiday but I can't leave daisy. Not like this and with my mum. She would never hurt her but daisy would not get the care and devotion that I give her from my mum. Mum sees daisy as 'just a guinea pig' where as I see them as my family.When I named them and didn't go with the names she suggested, she never bother to learn their actual names even after 4 years. I love my fur babies. They have never yelled at me or played mind games and have always greeted me with love and happy noises.

See, mum has some strange views. In her world I can only grieve for an animal for so long (usualy 10 to 14 days) before it stops being grieving and becomes 'emotional baggage' that I  carry around forever. At least in her mind. Greif has many stages and can come and go over many years. Its been over six years since my dog died and nearly 5 years since my last male piggie died yet I still miss them. I don't cry much but I still love them and always will.

I don't understand why no one will fight for her. There must be drugs that can help her especially considering how much cancer reaserch is done on them. Why has neither vet said anything. I want to be angry with someone so much. I have cared for them since they day I got them. Fed them the best food and cared for them beyond what most owners would do so why must she be taken from me and why am I forced to hide my true feelings? I don't choose when they die yet I am blamed for 'ruining' mums holiday. (I didn't. bonnie didnt die during mums hols . Not that it matters)

I need my quartet of piggies and I need daisy to live so that I can live for them. Their shed is already too quiet from loosing bonnie. I can't bear the thought of loosing another.

I'm crying/raging on the inside.