hi there. i feel awfully bad writing this, as though i am being deceitful, but i fear that my boyfriend suffers from a mental illness that may be bpd. the mere mention of anything he considers negative and associates with possible abandonment or a reason for distrust can set him off, sometimes for a few days at a time. he becomes very dark and negative during this time, and does not seem to be himself, although it's not as though he actually changes to a totally different personality. it's hard to explain, but it's just a change that i see come over him. a couple times he has even disappeared while in this state, and it has scared the shit out of me. he can also become incredibly jealous almost to the point of paranoia, and yet when he is not in his dark moments he is gentle and kind and very supportive and loving.
i've tried to talk to my family about this, but they become defensive of me and think that he is mentally abusive, which i honestly and wholeheartedly do not feel is the case. and i can't get him to accept that his behavior and his reactions are out of control and unhealthy. sometimes we can go for a month where everything is totally peaceful, and i start to think i've overreacted, and other times it's like i'm being bombarded. the worst part is, i've always been able to be optimistic emotionally, but i feel like i'm being dragged into his world. and this only makes these situations more intense.
i would like to see him get help, but i don't know where to start, if i can't get him to acknowledge this problem. sometimes i feel if i could talk to his family or close friends, i might be able to get through to him, but this feels like i would be going behind his back.
it's out of control and i don't know how to handle it, and i'm very, very sad.