Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Hi lovely people!
I was just pondering over how nice it is that CPS, detectives and a lot of lawyers do not work on the weekends! So for a couple days, we can just focus on being a family. I don't have to relay any important messages to anyone where if I say or do the wrong things it could destroy our family! I don't even have to THINK about what anyone else thinks about what I do in my home. I ALMOST feel safe in life for these couple days...almost.
I know Monday will be here before we know it but for those of you struggling, especially any mamas out there who have children that are perpetrators AND victims, try to just live in today. Don't think about anything else but loving your babies with all your heart! And then, once you've filled up on THAT, make sure your home is prepared for a surprise visit so that NOBODY could ever say that you are not providing your children with a safe environment. FIGHT! Fight for life! Fight for your family! Use this weekend to mentally and emotionally heal, cry, scream (in the shower of course so the kids don't hear! ;), write, call supportive people, read your Bible, take nature walks, visit the beach/lake/river, meditate on positive things, create fun family experience memories, exercise, fellowship with friends, go to church...and that way, come Monday, you'll be prepared to be that amazingly strong, super-hero mama fighting to protect her babies, her life, her normal. Don't give up! Use this weekend wisely! Do your dishes! LOL! Make sure your kids will all have clean outfits for the week.
You CAN do this! If you need encouragement, GET IT! If you need affection from someone so that you can be 100% for your kids, FIND IT (of course make it a wise choice)! If you need to write out what your attack plan for the week is in regards to those lovely CPS workers, detectives, lawyers, ex-partners, therapists, etc., DO IT! If you need to research something, LEARN IT! BREATH...in...out...in...out...
Don't be depressed! Get up and DO! Be pro-active in your family's healing. Don't add to the life stressors you already are dealing with. Yes, this is a LONG, difficult, painful journey, but you CAN survive it. You CAN! No, seriously...you really can. Will it change you for the rest of your life?! Of course. But will you have a set of tools that you wouldn't have had if this mess hadn't happened?! YES! Try to make lemonade out of these sour lemons. You know, the more sour the lemon, the more refreshingly delicious the lemonade!
Sometimes we feel like this trial is just too much to bear. Sometimes we feel like a runner running a race that never ends. We feel burnt out. We feel overwhelmed. We want to just plain old GIVE UP! I hope that this video will spark in you that small little thing called HOPE.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBasZWjd92k
"You have to get over some bad experiences and not dwell on it and just look forward; learn something, hopefully you learn something from it."
-Gabriela Andersen-Schiess, marathon runner in the 1984 Olympics
NOW, pull it together! You are in a marathon and you can't give up no matter what because your children are looking to you to carry them to the finish line! You might have missed your "water station" and feel like you just won't make it, you might keep getting stuck with your body going in different directions than your brain but your determination CAN help you make it to that place that your brain knows is the best prize ever: NEW NORMAL! YOU have control over what YOU do. YOU. Dig deep, choose to keep on keeping on, know your destination and press on. Will it hurt? Probably. Will it be difficult? Surely. Will there ever be an end to this type of stress? Not likely. But will it be worth it?! OH YEAH!
O.K., now after reading this, if you are STILL saying that life is not worth living, you are very depressed. Not just a little depleted-depressed but in-need-of-therapy depressed. So, if you don't already have one, GO MAKE YOURSELF AN APPOINTMENT FOR A THERAPIST THIS WEEK! Love all of you guys. Have a wonderfully blessed, comforting weekend. :)
If I might add, any level of depression, desperation, frazzled-ness, anxiety, grief or numbness is a reason to consider seeking professional mental health care. And I'm pretty sure that anyone who has found this forum is feeling at least some of these emotions. Actually, I KNOW that everyone who has found this forum is feeling most or all of these emotions at once. You've inspired me to reinforce your message with a list of reasons to seek professional help for YOURSELF, not just your survivor child.
Hugs, to you. And now, darn it, I AM going to do those dishes! :D
I felt exactly the same way on weekends during the months that we were being investigated, being watched by CPS, waiting for action on a criminal case, etc. I felt like I could let my guard down on weekends, check my e-mail or answer the phone without that pang of fear of what might be there, etc. One day not only the schools but all county offices--including courts--were closed due to weather and I was thinking, "Yeah! Bonus!"
Just yesterday I brought my son home from college and it was the first night in 9 months that we could all sleep under one roof without any worry of who might find out. And we all ate supper together as a family, my daughter and son actually sharing some laughs together. We are finally allowed to just be normal again! Of course, not "normal" in the sense I thought we were a year ago, but at least "normal" in that we can be together whenever we want to and anyone can talk to anyone else whenever they want to. It's not perfect but it is way better than it was. Thanks for the reminder!