Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

SENTENCING?

jennifermom
jennifermom
thank you all so much for your replies. It is just helpful to hear and read and know that you are all out there. I know my son needs help and I love him, but I can't be around him. My husband is going to have to go see him on his own. The visual in my head of what he did to my little girl just doesn't go away for more than a few minutes at a time. We talked to him on the phone today and reminded him that he has to tell EVERYTHING that there is to tell or he won't really be getting better and he won't be able to be a part of our family again. I didn't tell hm that he can never actually live with us ever again. I don't want to take away any hope he has because that may be a part of his motivation to get better, I don't know. He won't though. I can't ever allow it. I will find a place for him.

I am curious if anyone has any experience with what the sentencing is for something like this. I believe at this point there are 10 - 13 class 3 felony counts against him. How long? Anyone have a guess. I am asking because I am kind of hoping he will be close to 18 when he gets out and we can send him to live with his grandpa and he can get his GED, License, a job, etc. but if he is still a minor I have to figure out what to do with him. I guess the same applies even if he is under 18, I am just wondering how long I can have this peace of mind knowing he is not going to do this again to anyone and there is actual peace in my house with him gone. No yelling, no grounding, no checking up on him every day to see if he cut class or stole something or etc. etc. I know it's only a guess, but anyone wanna venture one??

All my love and support to you guys out there fighting for your kids, I am lucky in one respect. He admitted it when he was arrested, or at least he admitted to SOME of it, he is locked up and my kids are safe and there is at least some peace in our lives.

Take care of yourselves too and I will try to take my own advice, too!
deleted_user
deleted_user
you are lucky he admitted it. He is lucky too, perhaps he can get help that is needed for himself too and work on getting his life back in order. I hope your daughter is coping okay with all this. Good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Is it possible your son has been trouble because he was a victim of abuse, too? He may not, for me though, trouble behavior is a red flag.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My stepson was taken to juvillile hall when he was 15, and was keeped there for a while. Can't remember how long it was. He then was released into s group home for teens that had molested. It was quite expensive( around 30k) he stayed there till he was 18. I'm sorry you have to go through this nightmare too. Keep your head up. The days do get a little easer, I know this is going to be a long difficult road. I have blocked out slot of the events because it was so painfully to go through. I'm so deeply sorry. ((hugs))
jennifermom
jennifermom
I don't think he was a victim of abuse. He is my stepson, but he has been with me since he was 4 years old. However, there is always that slight possibility that when he was with his mom one of her various boyfriends or one of her druggie female friends could have abused him, but his dad doesn't think so. I am so torn about that. He was heavily into pornography. I am thinking that it is the cause, he has had to have stronger and stronger images. He got them from friends, downloaded onto jump drives on our family computer and then erased all traces. We don't quite know how he got the passwords, all along we didn't think he had them and he would ask me to log him on, and once I did I watched and did a history review after he got off. Apparently he was accessing when we weren't home, the same times he used to abuse my little girl.

So, I am not sure what to wish for. If he WAS abused it would explain so much, but be so hard to get over I think. If he wasn't, then I am glad for him, that he didn't go thru that, but that means it was the pornography and he will always have access to that (he is 16, so it won't be long until he is an "adult") and I will never be sure he is over it. He won't ever be over it, just in control of it hopefully. I don't know what to think. A big part of me just doesn't care right now what happened or happens to him right now. Somewhere deep inside I do care, but he is not my priority, or even my concern right now.

Thank you all for all your comments, it just helps to know you are out there and "listening" love to all.
annholly
annholly
JM, try not to look so far in the future. Take one day at a time, moment by moment. Right now your in total grief mode, sick to your stomach, extreme heartache. We have ALL been there. Get your family into counseling. It does get better, you find a way to work through this. Its a horrendous situation and you will need all of your strength to get through this. I have learned to lean on God. There as so many things out of our control, as you now know. Here is a hug for you. Keep talking it does help. H
jennifermom
jennifermom
thank you annholly, I think you are right about leaning on God. My husband said he didn't believe in God anymore after this, but I tried to quote that saying to him about "sometimes God calms the seas, sometimes he calms the child" something like that, he admitted he still believes, but was lashing out. but hopefully he learns to lean on God also.
annholly
annholly
I was so mad at God, how could he let this happen? I screamed at Him, I cried to Him. And I know He held me up when I couldnt lift my head from the pillow. I still dont know how I got through those early days. But we also remember that Satan is very powerful and he goes after whatever is going to shake our faith the most. What better way than hurting our kids? He goes for the jugular. I gave it all up to God, every last raw emotion I had and I have never felt such peace in my life. I know he will make good of this, its one of his promises to us. Stand firm. Do not let evil win!!!!!! I refuse. Google Gods promises, it will steady you. H
deleted_user
deleted_user
They are usually much easier on juveniles. The goal is to rehabilitate instead of punish. I think it is an unfair system.
Busby1
Busby1
Sorry to say, but you really have to take it a day at a time. Don't rush things or think ahead. I honestly don't know what they do for minors. I am sure it will be easier than adults. But if he is old enough, they may try him as an adult..... Not really sure. Talk to an attorney and maybe they can give you some idea????
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