Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I am looking for moms who's babies were abused. From birth to almost 4 yrs old. It's the reason I came here to this forum. Hoping to find others with abused infants/toddlers. TIA for not hijacking my thread. Please don't post if it's not 0-36 months in your case.
helpme2017 - I see that your journey has just started :(
Have they put him in therapy? Did you see a marked change? or was it more subtle? Did he develop any "fractured" identity? have you seen any violent/hurtful behavior?
Heartsadx3 - How old is your daughter now? Did your daughter get play therapy as a toddler? Or counseling later? Or now? I she still struggling? Does she have "hurtful" behavior that harms herself or others?
When mine was that age, there were no "qualified" play therapists for toddlers. Therapists declined to help him since they were not trained in how to. I sincerely believe things would be different today (my child is 18) if there had been someone qualified to help. Now that he's 18 I can't force him, as a legal adult, to get help. But he recently agreed to go-- we are not actually in an office yet so I'm holding my breath. He could change his mind ( I'm praying not).
Have you heard of EMDR? It's kind of the opposite of hypnosis -- a wide-awake activation of both sides of the brain, with no "suggestions." It appears to reduce traumatic compartmentalization and to allow all parts of the brain to engage in healing. It can be completed in as few as eight sessions, but has long-lasting effects. Many here (parents and children alike) have tried it and found it to be very effective, even powerful. Here's some basic info:
http://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/
I'm so sorry that your son was unable to receive adequate support when he was younger. Good for you for continuing to help him engage with the truth, so he can progress in his healing and maturation. Eighteen is tough enough without a history of sexual abuse.
Anytime I've posted a thread, I never thought of it as "my thread," I always thought that it was what I was thinking about at the time, and hopefully it would help someone else in the support group as well. Additionally, there have been threads that didn't necessarily pertain to me, but as I read thru them, I realized that there was something there that I could relate to, or that I had just learned something that I never thought about before. I do remember there was a time when there were a few people here who's children were abused by the members' partners/children's other parent, and they realized that it was quite a different situation with very different issues than many others in the group, so one of them started their own group after some drama and miscommunication, which was really a shame because the ones who left had such great contributions to make in terms of educating us all to a different branch of this issue, and in giving and receiving support to/from us, individually and as a group.
I have been thru a training program for crisis response team and helpline counseling for domestic violence that included aiding and advocating for children of all ages, and have many resources at my disposal, however, my kids' ages of abuse onset fall outside the parameters requested.
I'm so sorry that this happened to your child, that there's only so much you can do now that they are an adult, and that you all are having to deal with this and have the need to be here, but I'm glad you reached out for support.
Nope, InnocenceStolen, I'm neither a moderator nor a therapist, but most of my students have suffered some sort of trauma -- from homelessness, to physical abuse, to catastrophic illness, to sexual abuse, to the endless grind of intergenerational poverty (which often serves as a petri dish for any/all of the above -- although abuse crosses all demographics). Despite my training, nothing prepared me for the absolutely devastating waking nightmare of learning that my poor daughter had been sexually abused for more than a year as a child. It was far more traumatic for me than learning that she was using drugs. I was grateful for anyone here who would listen and lend a word of support, because I felt like such a failure as a parent for not realizing the source of my daughter's lifelong pain. I was grateful to learn what parents of very young survivors had to say, because they made me aware of behaviors not even covered on the mosac.net site, behaviors I had seen in my own daughter. I also found solace in the guidance of people with older children, like Bandmom (and some of those she mentioned who left) because they told me that recovery was possible. Openness to wisdom and support -- from anyone willing to help -- is the key receiving both.