Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

New, seeking parents of sibling sexual abuse

brknhrt
brknhrt

Wow, I'm so glad I found this board and I hope I can find some in a similar situation.  I have felt so incredibly alone in the last 6 months or so since my 16 year old daughter disclosed that her 18 year old brother had touched her inappropriately several times when she was age 9-13.  I have told very few people in our lives, including their younger brother, because my daughter is not ready for others to know and I don't want to stick a label on either one of them--especially since I'm still not sure the extent of what really happened.  We live in a city with good support, they both have excellent therapists and say they are doing well in therapy and have had some joint sessions which went well.  But there is so little for the parents.  I tried some therapy through my employee assistance program but it really hasn't been a good match and I'm searching for someone else.  Thank God for a grandmotherly friend of mine who is a survivor of family sexual abuse in her own childhood who I can talk to about everything.  But having a place where I can message with other people truly in a similar situation is something I have wished for from the beginning.  Hoping to connect with some here.  

brknhrt
brknhrt
I'm so sorry to hear your family has had such a tragic journey. Is your daughter in any kind of treatment now--therapy, sub abuse, anything like that? She must be carrying so much hurt, both from her own guilt, plus the effects of the physical abuse from her dad, plus the possibility she was sexually abused before the age of 12 herself. Most people who have behavior that lands them in prison are acting out of huge hurts of their own. But at the same time you have to protect your sons and take care of them, it must be so much for you to carry. I'm so sorry the system made everything worse, I wish I could say you're an exception but sadly it seems very common. There are others here with adult children who have gone down the road of acting out, teens with scary behaviors, pretty much any nightmare out there someone on this board has experienced it. Glad you finally found us and you're welcome to come and share whatever you'd like.
Bosslady75
Bosslady75
I have 9 months ago discovered that my eldest son had abused his younger brother and sister that night my 16year old came to me I rang the police it then came out my daughter also suffered. My life was thrown upside down and I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same again
Bosslady75
Bosslady75
Reading this thread has given me some light as I felt like I would never find someone in the same boat my eldest is due in court next week for abusing his younger brother and sister. My heart well and truly broke when I had to ring the police on him. I’m trying my best to stay positive for the children but some days I don’t want to get out of bed don’t want leave the house but I work in a school and love my job and it’s a little bit of light in every dark day. Thank you all for sharing your stories and making me feel less alone
brknhrt
brknhrt
No, you're not alone Bosslady. I'm glad this helped a bit. The court stuff is such a heavy burden and uncertainty; the rest is just a weight of sadness. A little over 2 years after disclosure and still on an antidepressant, I can say it is slowly getting easier to get out of bed and I feel and act pretty close to my former personality, feel more like "myself." So I hope that offers you some hope. I am very different underneath though, changed in many ways--and not all of them bad. Still processing a lot, still learning a lot, still struggling to bring my family back together and navigate our relationships post-disclosure, but I can think about other things now, enjoy things that should be enjoyed, even enjoy some of the good memories of our family in the past.
Bosslady75
Bosslady75
My eldest had a court date today to enter his plea. I don’t know what happened but the judge remanded him until his next court date which is 11/12 I’m totally devastated by all for the other children for myself just everything. Never felt so low in my life part of me wants to go sleep and not wake up again
brknhrt
brknhrt
You might want to consider getting on an antidepressant, or adjusting your dose if you already are. Not because you will always need one but because right now it can help "stop the bleeding," help to keep you from going so far downhill you make matters worse for everyone. If you were in physical trauma you wouldn't be expected to tough it out without painkillers--antidepressants are sort of painkillers for the heart, they help you survive without going crazy until you can get a little farther on in healing. I probably should have started one sooner--when I did it was because I realized I was dragging my family down instead of helping them out. If you can't get out of bed or you really do want to exit the world, even temporarily, that's a sign to get help for yourself. Start with your doctor or even an urgent care--ER if you're seriously suicidal. Watching your child stand in front of a judge as a defendant is a shock to the system that only those who have been there can comprehend.