Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
My 13 year old daughter was taken from me by my ex. She told him she didn't feel safe in my home so he kept her. Then later she disclosed her uncle (my brother) had molested her. I didn't believe her because she had lied about other things. My brother and I were really close. He is the only family I have. Then he confessed to me that he had indeed done those things not only to my oldest but also to my younger daughter who is 11. My world crumbled. My oldest daughter will not talk to me and I have no visitation rights. This past Monday court gave custody to my ex of the oldest. My other daughter has yet to disclose. I don't understand why I am being punished when I did nothing wrong. My biggest fear is the same thing will happen once my younger daughter discloses.
I am more of a green member of this club and haveI imagine experience in the arena of the legal system. But I'll throw in my viewpoints about your situation.
First, it might be a possibility that your daughter sees you as a trigger for her anxiety, especially because her abuser is your brother. That biological fact unfortunately establishes and even heightens her feelings of betrayal by you having "done nothing" to protect her even though you might not have known about the abuse. You yourself said that your brother was very important in your life so it could be that certain interactions between you two were seen differently because your daughter saw them through the eyes of her abuser spending time with her mom and her continuing to still be victimized. Anyways, in my situation, my daughter could barely handle even her dad or baby brother let alone the rest of her brother's right after everything came out! In time, and especially if you prove to her that you love her, believe her, will protect her...she could change her mind. Also, it might even be that she just needs to escape being near your brother, i.e. where you live, to start feeling safe again. My children have all expressed wishing they could move far away and start over (especially since our house was a place that abuse happened to all 3 of them) but we couldn't so we've had to work through it.
Second, "handle with care." I'm sure you've seen this saying but now you need to look at your victimized children as this type of fragile item. You need to go out of your way to show extra doses of affection and support. You have to be so careful in your reactions even facial expressions. And ultimately, you need to in your heart come to terms with the reality of what has happened, accept it, and 100% be in your children's corner. Counseling for you is a really good idea on multiple levels. It will give YOU someone that is behind you, help you to work through the pain and it will help you have coping tools as you go through the stages of grief.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this mostly on your own. To survive you WILL need to gather a support system for yourself, even if it's just a therapist for a while. God keep you and yours safe and healing.