Sometimes evil is dressed in sheeps clothing!!! You are right, justice will be served on his last breath! I hope you press charges anyway, so your daughter at least knows she is being fought for! H

The abuse ended 12 years ago. From what I understand there is nothing we can do. We could file a civil case but not sure that would do any good. Her word against his. We do have a hypnotherapist that recovered detailed memories of the sexual abuse while she was under hypnosis. They ofcourse are saying he is a quack even though other memories have checked out as true. When she was four my ex boyfriend sexually molested her as well. I did a search for him on the internet and he is a high risk sex offender that has traveled state to state and ofcourse they believe that. She had no actual memory of that being so young...so why would her memories of him be true, and her happy memories be true but not of his abuse??? She has been through a lot. Then she was raped at age 13 when the sexual abuse stopped. So many sick men in this world!!! I don't want to let my other two out of the house ever again.
My daughter has a great support team with my family, counsleors and I am behind her 100%. She knows now that had she told me back then I would of protected her. He just did a number on her head and she just couldn't tell, fear of breaking up the family. Much guilt on my part for not seeing the signs.

This is a sad reality for so many in this situation. My cousin abused my two daughters, and after it came out, we too were the ones banned from holidays at my grandmother's house. People just don't want to believe it can happen in their family - or still believe that it should be kept hushed and handled within the family. My grandmother went as far as to tell me that my cousin didn't deserve to go to jail for what he did to my girls, but that I deserved to go to prison for what I did to him (by sending him to county jail for 61 DAYS.)

My daughters have a hard time understanding why we aren't allowed over there anymore, and I just get so angry that they can treat us the way they have after everything we've been through. And since we live only 2 houses down from her so we can see when everyone else is there. Last year was so difficult that we decided to break away from our usual traditions and spend this Christmas away from home. We went to Disney World in Florida and had the BEST time EVER. I really hope to make this a new tradition. I know we can't afford Disney every year, but we can go somewhere fun to get away from it all.

It is a sad reality. So many people are in DENIAL. I just don't understand if 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by age 18 how so many people don't believe it could happen in their family. We need so much more education for the public on this and stricter laws. Maybe all us parents can change the way things are done and fight for all the children that have and will become victims.
I don't know how you handle living two doors down. I would go insane. You are very strong. Do all the neighbors know?? Since he went to jail is he a registered sex offender? I wish my father in law would see justice, like going to jail and getting raped a few times, but he will die denying his illness. It is tearing my husband's family apart. He thinks I would act differently if it were my father or brother of relative but I know I wouldn't. I hate all child molesters and I would be acting the same way to my own family. I think they should all be put on an island and never let off. It's pretty much proven it's an incurable disease and even after therapy and jail they still want to molest.
That is awesome that you got to go to Disney with your family. Making new memories is what it is all about. We started some new traditions this year too. My daughter was smiling and sober for the first time in years. The holidays usually meant we would be dealing with her drug abuse or alcohol. Now I know why, she had to be around him and wanted to escape. I now she will heal and has a great life ahead of her, probably helping others that go through this. I keep hearing "everything happens for a reason" but I just don't believe any reason could be worth what these children go through. I have to believe God has good things in store for her and he will suffer and burn in Hell.
Thank you for your support. It helps to be able to come on here and vent to people that understand. Prayers for you and your children.

I thought I would give a brief message of hope. We are about 5 years out from disclosure of my daughter's abuse by her dad and this was the first holidays that we really celebrated much at all, but also the first time we have celebrated in our new home that we've came so far to build!! We are still really, really broke (lost everything during his arrest, trial and since he's been in prison). We went from lake house, motorhome, new cars and boat, and huge holidays to absolutely nothing. This year, it was really small, but it was nice and we finally had real smiles and real laughter again. My daughter said, "you know, we don't have much, but we are really close and it was really special with just the few of us"

I feel so much for what everyone here is going through and has been through. We've been there and we lost his entire side of the family (who are still in great denial). We did see his mother this holiday, but she wouldn't come to our home. We met her out to eat, as I don't allow her unsupervised visits because she will talk to the kids about how their dad is not a monster and who knows what. I don't think she will ever get over being in denial of what her son has done. We just do the best we can.

The greatest thing our original therapist told me was that it can take a long time and things don't go back to normal, but you build a new normal.

It is my hope for all of you that are suffering that you are able to continue in your healing and to build your own new normal.

All my thoughts and prayers,
Rani

Thank you Rani. It is nice to hear that it does get better 5 years out, 1 year out, even 6 months out. Those of us that are going through recent disclosure do often feel hopeless. It is great that you still come on this site and share with us newbies that need support.
I know it must of been hard to lose everything and start over but you did the right thing and your kids will always remember that. You protect them at all costs. That's what mom's do. I hope that things will get better for you financially but even if they don't it sounds like you have it under control. You have a home and your kids are safe.
Does the roller coaster ever stop? I'm still in the up and hopeful one day to down and crying the next, then some rage and anger thrown in. I do see a counselor on Thursdays so today is my favorite day of the week right now. It helps so much. I just want to feel normal again, and yet I feel selfish for even saying that because my daughter is the one that suffered the abuse,not me. She is getting better and I need to concentrate on that and not my own pain.
I will work on my new normal. Goodbye old normal, goodbye inlaws, goodbye child mollester...hello new normal.
Thank you. Prayers for your family to be happy and healthy.

Thanks Rani for the update! It just proves that stuff is stuff and does not really matter. What matters is the health and well being of our children, and it sounds like you fought a long hard fight for your child! Mommakl every emotion is real and we ALL have been where you are now.

I'm sorry for the denial in your family and the hurt that comes with it. I understand as our pain is similar. It has been a little over 3 years now. Disclosure was made by my youngest on Thanksgiving 2007 (therefore Thanksgiving, Christmas etc is really difficult). My mother and sister took my brother in laws side and have done everything they can to keep us from having contact with aunts, uncles and cousins. Our pediatrician warned us that this was more common than not. His words gave me some comfort at first...and then the anger at my family came surging back - I just can't get my head around them blaming us for this.

Each year since disclosure I dread the holidays, but much to my dismay each one is a little bit easier and my children have grown accustomed to our new traditions in a very short time. So hang in there and don't beat yourself up, these guys have the grooming process down flat. You are doing what you can now and your daughter knows that. Accept all your emotions, it will help you move forward. A new normal is what we all strive for and it is there.

The denial is very hurtful and although not as bad as the abuse itself it does leave horrible scars as well.
You have done well dealing with this for 3 years. 3 months has seemed like a life time to me.
So sorry about your mother and sister and the rest of your family taking his side. People just cannot wrap their minds around someone wanting to have sex with an innocent child and denial is easier than accepting all the illness in this world. No wonder it goes on for generations. I have a friend that was abused by three different uncles, she told her mom when she was 12 when the first one happened and her mom did not do anything about it. She found out years later that her mom, grandmother and aunt had all been molested and no one ever spoke up. Her mom even left her with one of the uncles that had been her abuser.
We need more education and more help available for victims and their families. First time offenders need serious jail time with extensive therapy, probation, house arrest, lie detector tests, the works if they are released. It is proven that they do not just offend one time.
A new normal is my goal. I am lucky that although my husband is in denial that it was his father, he supports all my decisions to keep the kids away from him without his direct supervision. He will one day know his father is sick, maybe someone else in the family will come forward.
You are a great mom.

A new normal is exactly what we are working towards. We are slowly finding out way. March 4 will be two years since my oldest disclosed. I still have days where all I want to do is sit and cry, or scream at the top of my lungs. Other days I want to learn about how to forgive. Not the abuser - I'll never forgive him and will go to my grave hating him with every ounce of me - but to forgive those who turned their backs on us when we needed them. I have never blamed my aunt/uncle/grandmother for the abuse. But I have such anger in my heart for the way they treated us afterward.

@ MommaKL - all the neighbors are family (my mom & dad, my grandma, and another aunt) and yes they know. Since we have the largest lot on the street, and the abuser must stay at least 500 feet from our property, he can no longer go to my grandmother's house - only his parents can visit. So we never see him unless it's accidental out in the town. His parents are the ones that go over there for the "family gatherings" but they aren't ready to face us after "what we did". He does have to register as a sex offender and just finished his 1st of 10 years on probation. He already violated it once and they gave him "shock sentencing" (another weekend in jail), but if he does it again, he's facing 20 years. So hopefully soon we will see real justice.

Broken I totally relate to having to forgive all the people that have turned away from us because my daughter did the right thing and finally told us. I am angry at all of them and feel like we have been outcast because of his sick perverted behavior. I struggle to understand why people just do not get that this is so common and people just don't make ir t up. The aftermath is no fun for the family or the victim so why would someone "lie" about it?? I dread the day my father in law dies and I have to explain to my youngest two why mom and their older sister will not be at the funeral. I feel the day is not that far off. Judgement for him will be soon, he is very very ill.
You are very strong to live on the same street as him and all the family. That has to be very very hard. Even to live in a small town and run into any of them would make me a bundle of nerves. I live in a big city on the opposite side of town, so if they are in my area, it's unusual.
That is awesome that he had to register. How can they still be that way? I bet abuse runs in the family and some of them do not want to face their own demons. I bet he will mess up and end up in prison. I would like my father in law to have some shock therapy. He would die of a heart attack just to ride in a police car or be handcuffed.
How does is your husband doing? It is hard on mine. Hang in there. You are one strong lady!