Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I am not sure how I got here, something just kept sending me here reading all the post. A lot of you gave me comfort for a long time and didn't even know it. I new inside by reading I was not alone. My 3 year old was raped, I cant believe I actually just typed that. By her 15 year old cousin. We believed this happen once until court, we then found out this was going on for long time. My family is devastated! I am married I have 3 other children 18, 16, 12 who are all struggling. They are wanting to blame them selves for not seeing it! I myself do this everyday, I rip my self apart. I cant think of a time or opportunity he had but the one day he babysat, and I feel so guilty for not seeing the signs. I am on the other hand soooooo proud of my daughter for telling us, she was a very brave girl! The day after her 4th birthday she told us like she was watching a movie she just verbally vomited.
Our worlds turned upside down that day, but that day we as a family formed a circle around her like you would not believe... What I was not prepared for was the outside family....All through court this was a joke to my brother/fiance and his ex-wife! These people laughed through court, texted, made faces with there son, and made a mockery of our daughters trial. There son giggled, drew pictures showing his parents, played with another inmate it was disgusting. At one point his fiancé would make comments "Bull shit that didn't happen" even THEIR professional witness stated "He was in denial and has yet to own up to what he did except confess to more accounts" He was finally convicted last week 3 felony counts (sodomy, sexual assault 1, sexual assault 2) as a juvenile, and can be locked up till he is 25! Yea but I have also been tore up by there actions I can't even explain, but it gets worse
We live on the same property as my parents separate house! We are building another house to get out of here, but it will be three months. I am not sure if I am over reacting because my emotions are sooo tore up I can't see straight or are they valid, But my parents keep making this worse, They are inviting my brother (the victims father) to the property(BTW he also believes what happen is what kids do!) He tried to pull out of the long drive way at a high rate of speed and throw rocks at me with his truck, and speed around a blind corner were the kids were. He drives by my 16 year olds work and flips her off, and Yesterday my 4 year old who knows what's going on with the victim (jail) but not the father, she does not understand that dynamic. Yelled "Uncle **" I didn't hear him pull in, she ran up to him, he jumped into the car and slammed the door shut in her face and proceeded to back up a full size pick up with her standing there. She fell to the ground crying. She does not understand why. If I was there I would of pulled him out of the car and punched his face. I yelled at my parents to please keep him from coming here till we move, you don't understand what the impact this could have on her and all of this. (the other kids removed my daughter from the scene) I explain, their son raped her do you not get the impact of making her feel like its her fault, she is in counseling and you all are treating this like it's a joke! Keep him from here! My own mother stated "you can't call it rape if he was not charged with rape" I stood there and about lost it, 25 years of pain flashed through my face in 1 second! 25 years ago my mother said "I can't take her to the hospital that's where I work, do you know how I would look" ... At that moment I realized I would never look at them the same, those words were un-repairable! I went home got the juvenile codes for rape, emailed them to them with a not so nice letter! I guess what I am trying to ask is do I have the right to feel betrayed by my parents, I feel like they are not protecting the best interest of my child's healing, welfare, and safety. For gods sake its for 3 freaking months or am I over reacting. Any reply helps I am in an emotional hell and at the end of my rope
Our worlds turned upside down that day, but that day we as a family formed a circle around her like you would not believe... What I was not prepared for was the outside family....All through court this was a joke to my brother/fiance and his ex-wife! These people laughed through court, texted, made faces with there son, and made a mockery of our daughters trial. There son giggled, drew pictures showing his parents, played with another inmate it was disgusting. At one point his fiancé would make comments "Bull shit that didn't happen" even THEIR professional witness stated "He was in denial and has yet to own up to what he did except confess to more accounts" He was finally convicted last week 3 felony counts (sodomy, sexual assault 1, sexual assault 2) as a juvenile, and can be locked up till he is 25! Yea but I have also been tore up by there actions I can't even explain, but it gets worse
We live on the same property as my parents separate house! We are building another house to get out of here, but it will be three months. I am not sure if I am over reacting because my emotions are sooo tore up I can't see straight or are they valid, But my parents keep making this worse, They are inviting my brother (the victims father) to the property(BTW he also believes what happen is what kids do!) He tried to pull out of the long drive way at a high rate of speed and throw rocks at me with his truck, and speed around a blind corner were the kids were. He drives by my 16 year olds work and flips her off, and Yesterday my 4 year old who knows what's going on with the victim (jail) but not the father, she does not understand that dynamic. Yelled "Uncle **" I didn't hear him pull in, she ran up to him, he jumped into the car and slammed the door shut in her face and proceeded to back up a full size pick up with her standing there. She fell to the ground crying. She does not understand why. If I was there I would of pulled him out of the car and punched his face. I yelled at my parents to please keep him from coming here till we move, you don't understand what the impact this could have on her and all of this. (the other kids removed my daughter from the scene) I explain, their son raped her do you not get the impact of making her feel like its her fault, she is in counseling and you all are treating this like it's a joke! Keep him from here! My own mother stated "you can't call it rape if he was not charged with rape" I stood there and about lost it, 25 years of pain flashed through my face in 1 second! 25 years ago my mother said "I can't take her to the hospital that's where I work, do you know how I would look" ... At that moment I realized I would never look at them the same, those words were un-repairable! I went home got the juvenile codes for rape, emailed them to them with a not so nice letter! I guess what I am trying to ask is do I have the right to feel betrayed by my parents, I feel like they are not protecting the best interest of my child's healing, welfare, and safety. For gods sake its for 3 freaking months or am I over reacting. Any reply helps I am in an emotional hell and at the end of my rope
Seek help from whomever you can: supportive persons, social services, churches, but be careful what you share. Not everyone need know her story. You may ask to speak w who is in charge and state that your child was the victim of a crime and needs to be removed from a harmful situation.
Breathe. I hope this helps. I am soo sorry this happened to your family, but things will get better again. Sending strength!
We were in a situation similar to yours. We lived in a home that the offender (FIL) owned. My SIL lived 2 doors down from us. She invited her parents over all the time even though we found out FIL had abused her as a child as well. We were in the process of buying a home and didn't want to uproot the kids multiple times, so we hunkered down and waited for 3-months for everything to finalize. It was the worst 3 months of our life. We felt like prisoners. We didn't go outside because we knew we would see them. We thought we would get some relief when he went to jail, but he wasn't there for long before he bonded out. It was hell, and I'm sorry you are going through it too, but don't feel like you have to hide your story. We understand.
The sooner you can move the better! You and your daughter are heroes and do not deserve to be treated this way. Stay strong and come here often for support. We have been where you are!
Warmly, Laura
Keep coming here for support. You are not alone and we will help support you thru this!
HUGS, Laura
You truly sound just as I was. Everytime the dog barked I was a wreck because I thought someone was here. I couldn't even stand to have the kids' tv too loud because I wouldn't be able to hear a car door slam--just in case the dog didn't bark.
If you have ever seen The Dog Whisperer you will have noticed that he runs a dog down before he trains it. He does that to work the anxiety out of the dog. We humans aren't as evolved as we think. A hard workout goes a long way and accomplishes the same goal. If you are just sitting at home thinking about your situation, your going to end up like a pissed off pittbull looking to bite someones head off. And it will most likely be the head of someone in your home.
Just remember that your daughter is number one and you have to keep it together for her. Believe me, its the only thing keeping my daughters abuser alive. You and your husband feel free to read my other posts. He may need to read a male perspective on this.