I'm so sorry. I definitely feel you're pain. I have 2 boys that I raised on my own but believe everything their dad tells them. My youngest son told me I did not deserve to see his first baby, my Grandson. He's walking now. I see pictures on Facebook. I moved from the state we lived in because it's too hard to deal with. So, I don't know what to say to you because I have no answers. I really do not think they would care if something happened to me.

My daughter just married on Saturday the day before Mothers Day, she hasn't spoken to me in nearly a year now. This was the hardest day of my life, she too was brainwashed by an older step sibling into thinking I was evil. Even my 2 sons can't get through to her, I feel your pain. I'm new to this site but just knowing I'm not alone in this kind of situation is helpful as I felt I was the only person that this was happening to. I'm still at a loss for words as to what to say to anyone apart from your not alone. Sending you hugs ((()))

I am so sorry about your son!
My older son barely talks to me. We are very distant and it really hurts a lot! Then my mom died! It's been so hard.!
I feel for you! I started going to a counselor and I feel better! I am going to work real hard to not let anyone,
including my son, to destroy me! It will be difficult. You did the best job that you could with raising your son. You are not a horrible person! If someone thinks that, it's their opinion, not yours. I am so sorry for your pain. If you can, do really nice things for yourself. Please don't give up your life! You ex and your son are living their life. You live your life too! What choice do you have? Try not to poke around on social media, it with make you feel worse. I wish you much love and happiness!

These were all great messages. I also have a son who wants nothing to do with me. He is very judgmental just like the toxic family that I came from. He was also "brainwashed " bythese sick people. What I need you to understand is that NO ONE can brainwash you unless you LET them!! Is there anyone who could brainwash you into not loving your children?? Of course not!! They are. Choosing this themselves!!! NO ONE is brainwashing them!! They have chosen to turn away on their own!! Realize this for your own sanity!!

Good morning, I'm new to this site , my girlfriend of 2 years suggested I'd join a support group such as this one . I have to say from the things I've read for many hours yesterday I'm both shocked and relieved that this is happening to so many parents . I used the word relieved because I thought my predicament was an isolated one for me , Its hard to believe this is happening to so many caring , loving parents out there . I guess the big question us WHY , and what can be done to change things around . I've been divorced from my ex for 17 years and I was always active in both of my children's lives . I never missed a week if child support or visitation . I had my children through in vitro and they were a miracle to say the least . After the 3rd year after having my 2nd child my wife had an affair with a guy from work , this was the 2nd affair in the 18 years we were married . We went to marriage counseling and managed to patch things up . It took a very long time to regain the tryst in our relationship but I worked hard at it and prayed a lot . After my divorce from her we remained on good terms because of our very young children . 2 years after my divorce I met a woman, we dated fir 16 months , got engaged and eventually got married . We had a beautiful relationship and a loving marriage but that's whete things changed between my ex and myself . She became hostile towards me but especially my new wife . Within 6 years she turned my daughter against my wife who went out if her way to develope a relationship with my daughter ( 10 years old at this point ) and my son who was now 7 . Planned trips were ruined by my ex by taking my children away on my visitation weekend and not telling me . Through these years the alienation of my daughter towards me and my wife grew to the point where she would not come over anymore . My son was younger and a adored his stepmom . But if my daughter would not come to visit on my weekend of visitation then my didn't either . Now that my children are older ( my daughter is 22 and my son is 19 ) things are at an all time worse . After 10+ tears if marriage to my 2nd wife she distanced herself from my children which hurt me tremendously . She had 2 older daughters of her own and one attempted suicide and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder , amity disorder , and major depression. My 2nd wife put all if her time and effort into her career and her daughter . Add in my situation with my ex and my own issues with my children it took its toll on my marriage and I'm sorry to say it ended . As my children got older even after being single again and devoting all of my time with them they gradually became more and more distant towards me . I get the teenage I want to be my own person , so read their wings and soar but it went way beyond that whete Im totally isolated from them . Texts and phone calls are never returned , excuses are constantly give that they are busy or just forgot . My ex has given my children everything and anything they wanted . I couldn't compete with that especially the amount of child support she was receiving from me each week . I haven't seen my 22 year old daughter in 6 months and I continually have called ( only to get her voice mail ) and I've text several times a week to try and set up a dinner date with her and her boyfriend only to get no reply . Here's where my heart broke to a million pieces , my daughter moved into a double with her boyfriend that my ex had purchased . I Google my daughters name to get the new address and what pope up besides her address brought me to tears . My daughter is 6 months pregnant and I found out because Google showed a baby registry with my daughters name . I did everything for my children and my 2nd wife told me on many occasions that she wished I was her first and only husband . I love my children unconditionally and have told them in , texts , phone calls , letters , and in person that I would always be there for them at any time in their lives . So why the estangement by them after all of these years of being a caring , giving , and loving father to them . I'm beyond dumbfounded and have spoken to psychologist fir many years about whats been happening. Her advise was to text them once a week , ask to get together and tell them you love them . Well needless to say that advise only alienated my children from me even more , especially my daughter . My ex has such a psychological hold on my children and they are afraid to go against her . It's gotten to a point for many years that it's not healthy for my children . They are both dependent on her for so many things and they can't make adults decisions on their own without her being g involved .Hiw dies a father deal with the abandonment of his children against him . Hiw dies a grown daunt share with her father that he's going to be a grandfather.

I'm responding to this last message. I also have. Been estranged from my Son for over 13 years now. The sadness and pain never gets easier. There is often no real reason for it. You can't make someone care about you. All you can do is know your truth and that you did nothing to deserve this and go on with your life! My suggestion is to NOTcontact them again. If they care about you they will contact you! If they don't contact you, then you k ow how they feel. You CANT change someone! I believe that LOVE penetrates ALL lies! If your ex is manipulating their love for you then they don't really care about you. If you love someone you want to hear their truth!! This is NOT love!!

One last thought.. My paternal Grandmother was a very bad Mother and basically deserted my father .My Dad never stopped loving his Mother and I never saw him so hurt as when she died! Love has NOTHING to do with what we do or don't do to our children. I believe that some of us who truly love are children are "scapegoats " for others who children may feel are more of a threat of losing. They KNOW that WE love them! That's why they have no fear of losing us. Because they know that they NEVER will!!! Live for yourself!! When my adult son told me not to ever contact him again or he'd get me fired from my job, I couldn't get out of bed for 3 months! It was not until I saw his Facebook page where he changed his profile pic every other day while I was barely surviving that I realized that He was oblivious to what he had said to me and that I had lost NOTHING!!

Just because a child came from you doesn't mean he/she is worth your love!!

I suggest you, not to see pictures on Facebook. That only harms you! Let go and let God!

I agree with you, Honeymom..

Hi everyone, I feel your pain I really do! I honestly cant comprehend how or why this happens. I am so thankful that we have a place here to talk openly about our situations, there appears to be a stigma to this subject and I feel ashamed to talk about it to people who have not experienced this for fear of being judged. please keep talking and supporting here. its so important for us and our recovery.
Bless you all

Really? He was brainwashed? You really think your son isn't smart enough to form his own opinion?
If he thinks your a horrible person I'm sure he came to that conclusion on his own. Funny how your so vauge not to mention WHY he feels that way. If he's told you why you probably just dismissed it.

3sidestoeverystory, I have read your harsh words several times. If you can't be supportive of parents here, why are you here? Why don't you go join the group for estranged children? Are you here trying to take your own bad feelings toward a parent out on the people here. I think you should stop saying this harsh things. You obviously aren't here for support. Parents hurt too and some one like you who makes no effort to understand the issues should not speak at all.

Victoryrose44, I love your response. I know how painful these things are because I have mine too. You are so right that you can't make them love you. There are some people who just aren't capable of it.

Thank you all for such helpful words. And for the one negative individual you’re in the wrong forum. I have never claimed to be perfect. I have made many mistakes. However, I do believe that love for a parent is unconditional. The mistakes I made do not make me a horrible person. I was a great mom to them. Not a great wife I will admit. I was 17 when I was married to a man I knew for 2 months from result of an arranged marriage. Do not judge unless you have lived in someone else’s shoes. I’m down wasting my breathe on you.