Parents of Adult Child Estrangement Community Group
Support online, with attempts to form regional in-person meeting clusters, for those parents who have experienced periods of serial or continuous estrangment by an adult child.
I guess there's no time like the present to start posting. I see we are a small group but that doesn't mean it cannot be a valuable group as it grows.
In my situation, I did not have a period of semi-estrangement before the "permanent" estrangement occurred. My son and I simply had an argument which was extremely unusual for us and really caught me off-guard and from there he estranged himself. About a year and a half later there was an attempt at reconciliation. After seeing him twice since the estrangement, he asked me to never contact him again. I could see the writing on the wall and knew that if I continued to insist on having a relationship with him it was going to be toxic and unhealthy and eventually lead to serial estrangement. I wasn't interested on getting on that roller coaster so I refrained from contacting him as per his wishes. It is a difficult thing to do but I know it's what needed to happen if I was going to survive this.
And so I ask other members where you? Are you completely estranged, semi-estranged, serially estranged? We would all love to re-establishing a healthy and loving relationship with our EC but In the absence of that possibility, would you prefer complete estrangement. semi estrangement or serial estrangement and why?
In my situation, I did not have a period of semi-estrangement before the "permanent" estrangement occurred. My son and I simply had an argument which was extremely unusual for us and really caught me off-guard and from there he estranged himself. About a year and a half later there was an attempt at reconciliation. After seeing him twice since the estrangement, he asked me to never contact him again. I could see the writing on the wall and knew that if I continued to insist on having a relationship with him it was going to be toxic and unhealthy and eventually lead to serial estrangement. I wasn't interested on getting on that roller coaster so I refrained from contacting him as per his wishes. It is a difficult thing to do but I know it's what needed to happen if I was going to survive this.
And so I ask other members where you? Are you completely estranged, semi-estranged, serially estranged? We would all love to re-establishing a healthy and loving relationship with our EC but In the absence of that possibility, would you prefer complete estrangement. semi estrangement or serial estrangement and why?
I have found these sites so refreshing. I thought I had the only daughter from Hell. Looks like I have a lot of company. A decade from now this generation may be in the text books
After spending a couple hours with the current incarnation of my ED this past week, I realized, next morning, that I really don't miss the REAL person I had dinner with... I WAS missing thoughts about the person who used to say decent, if not outright nice, periodically, things in my company. The youngster who told me most everything.. including details of her sex life. Now, she's with a "very private person" in whose 5 month constant company she is changing.. and not for the good in my world view. So, I came away from contact this week feeling rather discouraged about the future. She is more and more certain she doesn't want and can't carry (b/c of chemical imbalance and need for SSRI's) a pregnancy anyway.... so that "look forward to" is dashed. She is over 300 pounds and when asked if she really wants to loose the 100 pounds (min) she needs to, she answers, without a hitch, "no." She no longer wears contacts and her pony tail is a rat's nest.. she came to my home directly from her job dressed really inappropriately; I can't find too much I enjoy or like about her now. It's just pretty sad. The best parts of "my kid" are slipping away. And she feels happy in her life.. which I, as a mother, am glad for her, on one level.. but really have convinced myself she's probably gonna die younger than she needs to... So, I guess, I'm trying to face realities of who this person has evolved into at almost-27. and that I really don't want to spend a great deal of time with her anymore... it would disintegrate into inner misery or being emotionally or physically dumped by her pretty quickly.
So, ladies, I find myself being the one who wants to keep the contact phone and msg based between periodic contacts... Not that she wants more.. she would prefer less.. but I.. ME.. I want less.... At least at THIS moment.
Maybe I'm just being a "bigshot" b/c it's almost the week of Hanukah and Thanksgiving and I will be seeing her here at my home for these holidays.....Maybe I'm just hoping all works out ok and not full of friction; and that I am not sad after it's all over and we crawl back into our respective.... and very separate.. lives.
Warm Regards to All This Week!
Marion