walk away from her, until you've cooled down enough to talk rationally with her.

i use this technique often. I will go in my bedroom and read for a bit to calm myself, then approach the children with a level head and solve whatever the problem might be.

i too get very angry at my kids, especially when I am tired. Like ldmay says, step back from the situation if you are feeling overwhelmed-dont say or do anything until you are calm. You will regret it. This morning at the park my son was screaming at me and throwing his lunch my way as other people stared. I was so furious I felt like I was going to explode. I dont hit my kids, but I have to say I felt like it. I took a deep breath, walked away and came back, grabbed him by his arm and put him in the car. He screamed all the way home but I did not say anything-I was still so mad. I waited till later. I am so glad I did because I can have a mouth on me and saying things to kids that is mean when we are angry is really really going to hurt them more then anything. Good luck, I know it is a challenge. Pray for help if you can when you are feeling overwhelmed.

I over reacted in a store today in front of the parent, and got "the talk" I hurt my daughter's feelings....lets just leave it at that.....then....I get so guilty. I am still so guilty..... I revel in the guilt camp for a long time and I don't know when to quit as far as that's concerned I'm letting the daughter stay up an hour later because I feel so bad.....I am also on medicine withdrawls and I am tired.

The only comment I have is that it's going to happen and sometimes we just have to choose our battles. I have 3 girls and they are already getting bitchy and moody....my niece is 16 so I see what the future holds LOL

One question though, when we (collectively) are out in public and our kids act up, do you find yourself getting more mad? I think that I get more mad at the kids acting up, because I am the one who is embarrased by the bahavior and feel like I am being judged by other moms...anyone else?

yes maggie, i did get more angry when it was in front of people-i thought how dare he embarrass me! Really quite silly come to think of it, but I probably would not have gotten so mad if it were in my house. I was embarrassed, he is so little he probably cannot even truly comprehend that. good point

I wasn't embarrassed....there was no one around but me and my father. I was tired and lost all patience and hope.....I asked her to come told her it was time to leave the girls section five times but she still insisted she had to keep showing me things. I think I got embarrassed after I did what I did. I didn't mean to over react. It just happened. I was such a bad girl my father had "the talk with me."

I'm lost here....are you the parent or are you a sibling to the kid who was acting up? You say "I was such a bad girl my father had "the talk with me."

I'm the parent.....My father was in the store with me. He had a talk with me about how badly I behaved......I have anger issues when it comes to my daughter listening to me, and I have guilt issues when it comes to something I've done wrong.....I usually stay guilty more than I should have.....I still feel somewhat guilty.

I hate reaching that over reaction point as well. Something I do with my son is if I have to repeat myself to him I tell him "I have asked you nicely twice now...Do you want me to get angry?" I am telling you he reacts well to this and realizes that I am waring him. Sometimes it continues (he is a kid) and when I get angry I tell him "I warned you...". Also if I get to that point then there is a consequence to his behavior (go to room, no tv etc...) it did not take long for him to learn that when I say "I have asked you twice..." I mean business. I also find that the warining helps me control the urge to over react and blow something minor out of proportion - keeps me calm. As for the in public thing I too find that my tolerance is less and it's embarassment that my child isn't acting the way I think he should. But you know when I pay attention my son usually is one of the better behaved (doesn't mean its great behavior sadly). Also BipolarPrincess you said that your guilt causes you to give extra later (staying up a little late etc...) your daughter knows this...Parents get mad and over react it happens chaulk it up to that b/c she is going to manipulate that guilt, she already is. Also if you find yourself overly irritated go to the bathroom etc...remove yourself from the situation as much as you can and calm down get a handle and then go to your daughter and address the problem. Good luck!

how old is your daughter? Instead of feeling guilty why don't you have a talk with your girl starting off by saying you are sorry you lost it. Ask her how she is supposed to behave in a store (or wherever). Ask her what she was doing wrong that time. Then you need to talk to her about punishment and what is going to happen if she does that again. YOu need to stick to it though and be very clear. My 7 year old was acting up in the grocery store and I just left my cart took her outside and made her sit on the bench for a few minutes. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Also, you can have somekind of reward system for when she is good too. If she knows she can act up, make you mad, and then get her way because you feel guilty she will keep this behavior up.

My daughter is 8 years old. She wanted to keep showing me things she wanted in the girls section, and right now I can't get all of that stuff for her. I will be able to buy some more stuff for her later if I become eligible for SSI. Also I get to do job tryouts through OVR and get paid for doing them. They want to evaluate me working to see if I am ready to go back into the community and find work. But I had asked her to leave more than once, and it frustrated me that she didn't listen to me. I left her stay up an extra hour last night and because I felt guilty and was lenient I had problems putting her to bed.

Everyone loses it sometimes. Punishing yourself with guilt is not helpful anyone - especially your daughter.
Sometimes it helps me to analyze why I am reacting so strongly. I think you identified it when you said that she was pointing out all the stuff she wanted but you can't buy it for her. So your feelings about that made the whole situation a lot worse. If at the moment, when you see your reaction getting out of proportion, you could see that, it would make it easier to calm down.

Also, having your dad there was probably more stressful than having a stranger. Especially if he is the type to judge you, even if it is in a constructive way.

Last, abandoning structure is not like a gift to the child. They sort of think it is, but the real gift to the child, is to maintain structure and parental roles. Otherwise down the line it just creates more problems.

But I think you know all this :)

Just forgive yourself and try to think through the issues with your dad, and whoever else helped you develop this tendency towards blame and guilt.

What I do when my daughter upsets me is give myself time to cool off first and then I go and talk to her as gently as I can. I let her know how I feel and ask how she feels. We both feel better in the end most times, other times she's stubborn and don't seem to pay any attention to what I've said. Those are the times I just take away some of her favorite things for a few hours until she's ready to listen and then we talk again. But I'm on the same boat as you. This strategy works sometimes and at others I'm lost. Hope this can be of some help. Best of luck to you :)

Im with princess, my daughter is 5 and she is very ill possibly a liver transplant in the future for her she is housebound cuz of germs and the home stays at 68 degrees yr round she is now being homeschooled cuz of her med she cant get out in the sun so we pick a time when she can go out but careful of who she is around but like princess I live in guilt I give more and more cuz I dont know how long I will have her but sometimes she can throw a god awlful fit I have to go to the bathroom and cry when shes calm and we try to talk she doesnt even acknowledge that I hollared at her so see princess your not the only one that has that problem, I think I maybe in the wrong group but this is all I cld find for me as I know all about her!