I don't know if my cancer is the same as yours but my cancer has affected other organs around the abdomen (stage4) and my treatment was 3 rounds of chemo (carboplatin + taxotere) followed by debulking surgery then another 3 rounds of chemo. I responded very well to this treatment and had a wonderful one year remission. The cancer is back now so its back on the chemo. The ladies on this site have all been where you are emotionaly so we know just how you feel. It's an emotional rollar coaster and this is quite normal and I found in the begining of this journey it was the hardest for me. It gets more tolerable with time and you learn to live with the ups and downs. You also learn about yourself and sort out the important priorities in your life. You are stronger than you think. I have had a lot of support from this sight as I'm sure you will. How are you going with chemo? What surgery are you having? Keep us informed on your progress. We are all sisters here and think of each other a lot even though we've never met. So all the very best with your treatment Missy 54 Luv Carol

Missy54, I think Carol put it very well when she said it is an emotional roller coaster. At first it is all you can think of. It's the first thing you think about when your eyes pop open in the morning and the last thing you think about at night before you fall asleep. Crying is very normal, so let your feelings out. I used to go up to the bedroom in the middle of the day so I could take a nap, but also so I could sort out my feelings and cry if I wanted to do so.

However, you do reach a point where you actually don't think about your diagnosis for a few hours at a time and you learn to go on with your life and enjoy the good times, the friends, and the family. Cancer becomes a part of your life, but it is not your life.

Good luck on your treatments. Please le us know how they go. We're all on your side. Diane

Dear Missy,
Hello my name is Jayne. I was diagnosed with stage 3 C ovarian cancer in August 2010. I also traveled for cancer treatment at first. I live in Pennsylvania and went to Cancer Treatment Centers of America near Chicago. I received good care from a gyn-oncologist from there. I felt it was a very spiritual place too which helped me alot through the beginning journey of my cancer. I had the debulking
surgery followed by 6 rounds of chemo, followed by 6 months of Avastin therapy. I went into remission and returned to work for 1 year before I reoccurred. I am currently in treatment for my reoccurrence. I keep my spirits lifted by allowing others in to help and not trying to do it all alone. My church family is great. My friends who share this disease help a lot with their stories and experiences, and just trying to take one day at a time, enjoying each day, spending the time with family and friends when possible.
I understand your feelings about your children because I share them too. I have two adult children and a beautiful 20 month old granddaughter. I am a single parent. I also think about how much my children and granddaughter need me. It has brought me to tears to think I may not be here for them. I just pray and ask God to please let me live and not die and be a blessing to them. I have found a gyn-oncologist closer to home now which is better for me to spend more time with family and less time traveling. I understand the need to travel though. Everybody just does what works best for them at the season their in on their journey.

I am in the same boat. Just diagnosed. Scared, not sure if I have the strength for yet one more challenge in my life, but wanting to fight to be a servant of god and enjoy my family and friends and hold them closer all he day of my life. Just had surgery and having a severely difficult time moving my bowels. This was my main pre diagnosis as well. Apparently part of he tumor was wrapped around my colon. Wishing for some fine Internet sisters to help me along in this battle. It is all consuming. I vas dilate between trying to stay positive and breaking down into a bundle of tears.

I so appreciate all of the responses to my post ! Thank you, polyanthus,ovariansu,Jayne Brussel and shygal. As hard as my condition is for me to handle, I hate for anyone else to be going through this. I am scheduled for surgery on November 13th and of course will know more then. My main problem is that I have started experiencing panic attacks. I get so scared and lonely feeling that I get beside myself and have to be with my family members. Meaning I can't stay at home alone at night especially. I am divorced with grown children who have their own children with very busy lives therefore I don't have anyone living with me. I become so overwhelmed that I have a panic attack and have to go to my parents home. I'm just so scared about what my future holds and how devastating it will be on my girls and two granddaughters. My exhusband has washed his hands of the girls and it hurts me to know that they won't have a parent to go to if I should die. Fortunately, I have a great family and they are very supportive of me and the children too. Anyway, enough about my worries. I'm sure others here at this site experience the same concerns. I wish all of you well and hope I can find the strength to carry on as many of you have. I admire you all and hope the best for each of us. I will continue to read the comments and replies on this site. Glad I found this site because there is no support group for this where I live. Love to all. Missy54

I haven't had panic attacks but was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) over three years ago. I have had counseling that helped me tremendously. Are you working? My place of employment has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where I started with free counseling. My counselor there then referred me to a specialist who counseled people with cancer. I can't say enough good things about how much counseling has helped me. I finished counseling in 2009 but still participate in an ovarian cancer support group. It's great that you have a supportive family.

I totally understand you not wanting to be alone because I sometimes still have those same feelings especially when the anniversary of my diagnosis comes around. But, things do get better and life gets back to a new normal. Best wishes, Janet

Hi, Missy. I'm not on this board very much as I've been in remission now for about a year but I can identify with how you're feeling. I was originally diagnosed more than two years ago and had just separated from my husband, single parenting my son and just started talking to my family again after some difficulties. I started having panic attacks and had trouble being alone at night, I was terrified all the time. Luckily I had great support at the time and got through that original diagnosis, which was stage IIIC. Reoccurence last year caught early and treated and have been in remission for a year this week :)

You will reach a point where it will not be the only thing you think of. I remember those morning when I'd wake up and cancer wasn't the first thing on my mind, for just a few moments I'd have forgotten I was sick. I've found so many boards full of support here on DS. Know that you are stronger than you know and you have an army of women standing beside you!