I just want to say you are not alone and this is exactly how I feel! My son is 7 and was diagnosed a year ago. Has no issues at school and very few issues outside the home like with friends and extended family. I am so frustrated that he can control it there but not here. And often feel like a failure who just wants to crawl in a hole. I appreciate reading someone else's words that so perfectly describe what I feel inside.

SherrieAnne...I’m so sorry you are going through this. I have recently started my daughter on GABA. It’s a herbal supplement that helps calm the neurotransmitters in your brain. We actually make GABA naturally in our bodies. She has been on it for two and half weeks and I have to say that I have seen a huge improvement in her demeanor. She is less angry less hateful and seems more compliant and all-around happier. When I ask her how it makes her feel she says it just makes her feel happier. Try it out with your son… You have nothing to lose. Here is a little info about it.
http://www.smartkidswithld.org/getting-help/adhd/7-types-adhd/

An herbal supplement?!?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

You are so not alone, but I understand the feeling. In your immediate circle of family and friends you feel alone. No one "gets" it. On any level really. That is why I looked for a forum. At a loss teetering at rock bottom. Home is a constant battlefield. But miraculously this year at school is so much better. Different child they say, as finally acquiesced to the meds. Prob later than I should have, but tried alternative vitamins, herbs, DHA etc. But meds wear off and almost impossible to get my child to take anything with SPD. And ADHD with ODD plus SPD is a the sort of nightmare that no one could possibly understand unless they lived it. But I hear you. I am you. And I'm sad. And scared for the future. And I'm tired. And I'm broken. Despise the here and now more often than not. Hate school breaks. Hate weekends. Hate days off. Any break to his daily routine is God Awful. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and make it better for my child and my family. Instead of feeling #helpless and living in fear of the next volatile episode. Sending love to a stranger. Who unfortunately understands. ❤

CDFinch...yes, a herbal supplement! Things are not perfect but they are different and I’ll take different any day of the week over what it was before. There are days she’s a different child and days where I can’t tell she’s taking it..... but there are more times than not that what would have been a meltdown from hell is now just a meltdown with recovery time being much quicker. I tried it because I had nothing to lose! I also started her on juice plus which is whole fruits and veggies she normally wouldn’t touch. There has got to be something said for having proper nutrients that goes along with how your body produces other natural hormones (like GABA) . All I can say is she is better with it than without it. Amber1989, my child also has SPD....won’t wear jeans, panties, certain socks and doesn’t like layers. However, taking meds is not an issue we struggle with. I am saddened to hear another mom that feels like me, but I know the feeling of finding someone who truly gets it and that alone brings comfort. Sending love and prayers your way!

I just wanted to thank you for your post. We don’t have an official diagnosis of ODD yet but after working with a counselor who admitted she was unable to help us and told us we need a psychiatrist I started doing my own research. When reading about ODD it was like someone was writing about our life. We have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a few weeks when we were able to get in somewhere. Things with my 10 year old daughter have really escalated lately and become frightening. I have felt so alone and like no one besides my husband truly understands what it is like to live in our house and not know what the day will bring. I fear that if I truly shared how my daughter behaves no one would want to be around us, so I smile and pretend things are great. For the most part my daughter never has issues in school or with other parents. Although, she has begun to have issues with her friendships. I could literally relate to everything you wrote in your post and found such comfort knowing I wasn’t the only one feeling these things. I have been trying to gather as much information as I can on it and have read that GABA can help so it caught my eye that you said you have had some success with that. We are also looking into making some dietary changes as well to see if that helps. I am literally desperate to help my child because I know she is miserable as well, along with our whole family.

hopefulformydaughter.....I'm so glad you found some comfort in reading my post. I wrote it on a day I was truly at my whits end and wanted to die! I have to say that the GABA is truly working...and let me explain why. Before GABA, I could not win. It didn't matter what the behavioral therapist told me to do, I COULD NOT do it because my daughter was so irrational. And I was so tired and angry that I would explode over the slightest thing because I knew the wrath of my child was coming...and like I said...I was so, so tired of same crap, different day. Because of the GABA, my daughter is calmer.and to her own admission, happier, which in turn, allows me to parent the way I've been taught. Instead of me feeding into her argument, I am able to stay calmer and ignore the "white noise" as my behavioral therapist calls it (folding of the arms/argumentative spirit, stomping of the feet,etc.) and in doing so, she is allowed to process her feelings on her own without a HUGE blowup. I'll give an example. Sunday, she came in our bedroom happy as could be...until I said...."We are going to church. Since you don't like to dry your hair, I need you to get in the shower." To which, she screamed..."I don't feel good, I'm hungry, I just want to stay home!" She plopped herself down on the bed, crossed her arms and turned her back to me. The old me would have fed her need for opposition and said, "I'm not doing this today, I don't have time for this...GET IN THE SHOWER NOW!" Instead I said calmly. "The reason I need you to shower first is because your hair can be drying while I'm showering and drying my hair." For about 1-2 minutes, no one said a word. She then rolled over and said, "I really don't feel good and I really am hungry but the real reason I don't want to go to church is because I feel like I don't have friends there." I said, "I hear you and I understand. If you don't to go to Jamtime, you can go to the service with me and daddy." She said ok and then went and got in the shower. World War 3,462 was avoided for several reasons. 1. I didn't engage her. 2. The GABA keeps her calm enough so that she doesn't go from 0 to 60 in seconds. 3. Because I didn't engage her and kept quiet, she was able to process why she was really not wanting to go on her own...which WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE because she wasn't rational. 4. SHE FELT HEARD...which is HUGE for these kids! Because we are so tired of the constant battle...and we know it's coming, we are quick to say NO and not give a crap as to why they want what they want. Because she is able to stay calmer, I am able to stay calmer. Before GABA, I felt like I was rejecting her...I didn't want to even be around her! Now, because she seems less angry all the time, I find myself wanting to be around her more...and sometimes....when I see a potential battle, I just walk up to her and hug her which I would never do before. I'm telling you, it's making a difference. GET the GABA TODAY! Don't wait! You have nothing to lose. She was taking 3 250mg chewables a day. Now she takes 1 500mg capsule a day and that seems to work great for her. At first we tried 3 500mg and that seemed to agitate her, so we backed down on the dosage. I started her on the JuicePlus the same day as the GABA and I don't know if it's a coincidence or not BUT, I am confident that she is getting whole foods and veggies everyday (along with all the junk she eats because she is so picky)...and there has to be something said about how good nutrients help the rest of your body develop and respond. The good thing about JuicePlus...for every adult that uses it, the child gets it for free. (NO I'm not a distributor) So not only is she getting good nutrients, I am as well, and I can say I feel like I have more energy. Some of that could also be because I'm not so dang tired from a constant battle with her. All I know it whatever it is we are doing, is working! Good luck and I love your screen name! Praying for you!

that you so much for admitting you too are angry and bitter. I have so much rage some days, I don't leave my house......and my bitterness because I have to deal with this, make me feel guilty...... I just want to run away some days.... I know there is a mental illness behind this; but I am tired of my family judging me.

I just joined and am at wits ends
My son was diagnosed with add and now he has ODD.
..I took him to therapy for a year and was told it was odd. When I stopped taking him and my wife took him he actually started kicking my wife n front of the therapist .the therapist said there is nothing else she can do " he is who he is " ...he was on strattera for a few years and we stopped when he startex becoming aggressive . In a funny twist ...I am the stricter one of the parents and my wife let's him get away with everything .
..he is now 13 and he hates me because I am the disciplinarian .
He has been on Xbox all day for 3 months constanstly with his friends .grades are in the 30s and 40s. He is hyperfocused on Xbox . All other parents limit the use of it ....I try to explain to my wife and she says "well THEY don't have our son" ...
The whole kicker to the whole thing is ...my wife has the same exact thing as him. She hates when I impose slight authority in my home and goes against me in front of him every single time ....he sees and hears his mom stick up for him and go against me and he has turned into a professional manipulator . He knows exactly what to say to make his mom cry and feel sorry for him . SHE is 75% of the problem ...she is also full of rage and anger and she is a narcissist and possibly bpd (borderline personality disorder)
...I get blamed for everything in my house from his mom and him . He says he hates me and I'm annoying just because I tell him turn off the Xbox ,or it's time for dinner. We all go to sleep and I hear him on his phone at 3am . His teacher tells me he falls asleep in class.
Whenever someone gives my wife advise , she comes home and says they should mind there own business.
If I would have to take him to a therapist or something he would kick and scream and fight me ..IM AT A LOSS ...he does not eat or drink enough and has not hit puberty yet . I am willing to send him away for a year but I would probably have to get divorced and get custody of him to do that ...because she tells me she didn't have a kid to "send him away" ....MY HANDS ARE TOTALLY TIED .....I would give my life today to save his future ....my wife is completely unfiagnosed as she thinks she's fine ....
My question is do I get divorced and get custody or will that screw him up more ...I know for a fact a divorce would set a bad stage for my family as she would freak out and probably get arrested .
I also have a 15 and a half year old daughter that is a sweet kid and very mature .
I don't know what to do ....I can't bring him or my wife anywhere without probably physically restaraining them ....(which I cannot do)
......I need help and don't know where to turn ......I was raised from a strict Italian family so this is all strange to me

Ginogag...im sorry you all are going through this. I really feel like you all need to go to therapy together. I know that would be hard to do but I really feel like that is the best option. I have started a support group on Facebook. It has all kinds of parenting tips and things I’ve learned through this. Here is a link if you’re interested. https://www.facebook.com/groups/163756444347226/?ref=bookmarks

omgoshhhh. I am crying. I struggling with my 8 year old. So glad im not alone in this bc i feel like I am. Thank you for this.

Your post pretty much describes everything I have experienced with my son. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. My son is 14 years old now, and things are so much better. The ages of 10-13 were probably the absolute worst. He is on an anti-depressant now, which seems to help him a lot. And he takes an anti-anxiety medication on an as-needed basis. He is also able to look back at his past actions and recognize he was not making the right choices. I've heard about GABA, but I'm reluctant to try it because I don't know how it will interact with the medications he's on. His psychiatrist did recommend he take a Vitamin B complex, because one of his blood tests showed that he needed supplementation, and Vitamin B deficiency can have an effect on a person's mood.

deedeebee, thanks fir thr encouragement!

I just joined and I am sitting here crying while reading your post as it is my life. My 8yr old son has no problems at school or outside the house. I am his main trigger. I am tired of being hit and kicked when he is frustrated or mad that he can't control everything. I am tired of being called a "fuck" in every other sentence.
We recently matched with an au pair in the hopes that an outside person in the house will help and will help give my other two children the attention that I cannot due to my son taking so much from me. I am terrified that she will see what my son is like and pack up her things and go! We have told her about him, but only enough not to scare her from even coming in the first place. I hate living like this! Why me? Why my family? What did I do wrong in my prior life to have a son with these issues? I know that a sweet loving boy is in there because I have seen him, but the times when he is horrible just mask all the goodness.
I would love to find local in-person support groups. Does anyone know a source for where to start looking for these?

Hey there -- I am so sorry you are going through this. We have a similar situation with our 10 year old daughter. Diagnosed with ODD. Perfect at school, a nightmare at home. We have gone through countless nannies before we knew what the issue was. We now have a diagnosis and need childcare, but I do not know how to hire someone to help, because no sitter can handle her. I was thinking about looking into resources for families with kids with autism to see if I could find a caretaker that would be able to understand her condition and have a skill set to deal with it. I don't know why I would expect a sitter to have skills that I struggle with, but at least if they know about ODD, they won't just think she's a horrible human. As for local support groups, I joined this one because I could not find any in person local support groups and I live in a big city.

Anyway, if I find any resources for in person support groups or paths to finding childcare that can deal with ODD I'll post here!