Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
Hi,
I have severe OCD and anxiety coupled with rare episodes of depersonalization. At the moment I have a crippling fear of causing harm/killing someone close to me and fear that I am schizophrenic and will one day lose control and carry out these actions. My mind has even made up 'magical' beliefs/dellusions that I know are stupid and not real but I am unable to let go incase it is a sign of schizophrenia. There is a history of schizophrenia in my family and I am so scared incase I hurt someone. The 'magical' belief/dellusion is that if I kill the person close to me there soul will be safe and go to heaven and that would be the only way to save them from hell. I love all my family so much and my biggest fear is harming any of them. I am scared that I lose control and actually believe these intrusive thoughts one day and carry out these sick actions. I read online about OCD and schizophrenia and delusions. I have suffered for years with OCD and thought I had pretty good insight to it but just recently this started to worry me that I would one day go insane and believe the thoughts. Im sorry for rambling I am just fed up with the worrying and need some advise. Thanks in advance.
I have severe OCD and anxiety coupled with rare episodes of depersonalization. At the moment I have a crippling fear of causing harm/killing someone close to me and fear that I am schizophrenic and will one day lose control and carry out these actions. My mind has even made up 'magical' beliefs/dellusions that I know are stupid and not real but I am unable to let go incase it is a sign of schizophrenia. There is a history of schizophrenia in my family and I am so scared incase I hurt someone. The 'magical' belief/dellusion is that if I kill the person close to me there soul will be safe and go to heaven and that would be the only way to save them from hell. I love all my family so much and my biggest fear is harming any of them. I am scared that I lose control and actually believe these intrusive thoughts one day and carry out these sick actions. I read online about OCD and schizophrenia and delusions. I have suffered for years with OCD and thought I had pretty good insight to it but just recently this started to worry me that I would one day go insane and believe the thoughts. Im sorry for rambling I am just fed up with the worrying and need some advise. Thanks in advance.
I reckon it all stems from a true fear of being alone, I don't believe for a second you want to hurt anyone, the fact that you're on here asking about it means the idea genuinely worries and upsets you and proves that you're not going insane.
This is a common symptom of OCD, as is the fear of schizophrenia - and the fact that you are aware of how you feel, means you are not delusional, sometimes you just need to remind yourself of this, or reach out like you're doing and have someone remind you ... hang in there, you will feel better!
I can understand how it feels very scary to have thoughts that you might harm loved ones. Our thoughts can make things seem so real sometimes. But it's important to remember that they are just thoughts - no more, no less.
Thoughts do not equate to actions. We all have thoughts, even thoughts we might harm other people, even on purpose. The difference between someone with OCD and someone without OCD is that there is an excessive focus on the thoughts in someone who has OCD, whereas someone without OCD doesn't give their thoughts a second thought. And the more we focus on something, the more our mind catastrophizes and blows things out of proportion, so that we become convinced we would actually harm someone, even when we know full well we would never do something like that.
I know it's much easier said than done, but instead of fighting the thoughts, recognize them for what they are - thoughts. You can acknowledge that they're there, while at the same time realizing that they do not control you. Writing down your thoughts/worries in a notebook/journal and then putting it away helps too. Eventually, the thoughts will subside.
Have you ever tried or considered trying any kind of treatment for the OCD?
This is probably what's linking you to schizophrenia to an extent (something that I've ruminated over previously).
What I try to do is remember these are just thoughts, they are not me and part of being human is having unpleasant thoughts, they help us work out right from wrong - only some of these thoughts get stuck with a few people and hurt them.
I would speak to your doctor and get some counselling - this as real helped me in the past and thee is no reason in the wild that you can't move on from this, you are not alone.