Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
Hi,
I have severe OCD and anxiety coupled with rare episodes of depersonalization. At the moment I have a crippling fear of causing harm/killing someone close to me and fear that I am schizophrenic and will one day lose control and carry out these actions. My mind has even made up 'magical' beliefs/dellusions that I know are stupid and not real but I am unable to let go incase it is a sign of schizophrenia. There is a history of schizophrenia in my family and I am so scared incase I hurt someone. The 'magical' belief/dellusion is that if I kill the person close to me there soul will be safe and go to heaven and that would be the only way to save them from hell. I love all my family so much and my biggest fear is harming any of them. I am scared that I lose control and actually believe these intrusive thoughts one day and carry out these sick actions. I read online about OCD and schizophrenia and delusions. I have suffered for years with OCD and thought I had pretty good insight to it but just recently this started to worry me that I would one day go insane and believe the thoughts. Im sorry for rambling I am just fed up with the worrying and need some advise. Thanks in advance.
I have severe OCD and anxiety coupled with rare episodes of depersonalization. At the moment I have a crippling fear of causing harm/killing someone close to me and fear that I am schizophrenic and will one day lose control and carry out these actions. My mind has even made up 'magical' beliefs/dellusions that I know are stupid and not real but I am unable to let go incase it is a sign of schizophrenia. There is a history of schizophrenia in my family and I am so scared incase I hurt someone. The 'magical' belief/dellusion is that if I kill the person close to me there soul will be safe and go to heaven and that would be the only way to save them from hell. I love all my family so much and my biggest fear is harming any of them. I am scared that I lose control and actually believe these intrusive thoughts one day and carry out these sick actions. I read online about OCD and schizophrenia and delusions. I have suffered for years with OCD and thought I had pretty good insight to it but just recently this started to worry me that I would one day go insane and believe the thoughts. Im sorry for rambling I am just fed up with the worrying and need some advise. Thanks in advance.
I know i'm late on this post by almost 2 months, but I thought i'd share my opinion anyways. I'm new to this website, but I think it's awesome because it helps. just knowing someone out there is going through the same thing as you, gives you some relief...
I just want to tell you, that you are not alone. What you are feeling is definitely obsessive compulsive thoughts. It does not mean you're crazy and you are NOT going to get schizophrenia. Your mind is such a powerful thing. The more you try to block these thoughts out, the more you are going to think about them. Just let them come, and remember... they're ONLY thoughts and nothing more. I'm 25 years old, and I've lived with this since I was about 17. When it first started happening to me, I was about to check myself into a psych ward. I was terrified. I didn't know what was happening to me. I thought I was crazy and that I was a serial killer. I had myself convinced that I was a crazy person. I had thoughts about harming my boyfriend and loved ones of my family. I was so terrified. The thoughts would consume me and they were all I thought about. I felt repulsed by them and so much guilt for thinking about such things. I would literally make myself sick to my stomach, but yet, they still kept coming. I would cry and I was terrified to tell anyone for they would think i'm nuts. I would even have unwanted sexual thoughts, disturbing, gruesome images. Soon I started thinking that I wanted to harm my cat. and I am such a huge animal lover... I was so sick of feeling this way, that I eventually wanted to end my life... because like you said ..you would rather kill yourself than harm anyone in your family... soon enough I sat down and talked to people about it. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just needed to get it off my chest and that's exactly what I did. My loved ones understood and I was so grateful. You don't know how much better it makes you feel when you can talk to someone about it. Don't feel ashamed.. It's not who you really are. It's just your mind... I eventually started looking up stuff online about it, and knowing that I wasn't the only one going through this and it actually had a name also made me feel more relieved. I eventually learned to live with it... Once you accept it, it doesn't haunt you as much. You can go on living a normal life. I promise you. Seriously. Sit down and talk yourself through it. Say to yourself "this is stupid..." and laugh about it! really. think how dumb it is and you know that's not who you are at all. If you come on here and can talk about this and know that you feel awful for it, then you know you're not a bad person. you're seeking help and you know what's wrong with you. If you were a schizo, you would be in denial and you wouldn't even think you were crazy. It'd be normal to you if you were actually crazy and you would actually enjoy these thoughts. And sometimes your mind even tries to convince you that you enjoy them. Just trust me. I've had this for almost 9 years, and I haven't killed or harmed anyone yet. lol and I'm better than I was when this first started having them.. I'm happy again. just accept them and let them flow through your mind and think to yourself how dumb it is and it's just a stupid ol' thought and nothing more.. even if it makes you sick to your stomach, just accept them.. You will be ok!!! and you will learn to live a happy life. :) god bless you.
CBT helped a great deal, relaxation techniques, medication, writing things out in a journal....helps to see the irrationality of it...it is the OCD talking, not the real you...accept it, and let it pass
Peace