I've found Byron Katie's book "The Work" to be invaluable in examining my emotions. The book doesn't focus on physical pain but I've used her techniques to look at my perceptions (anxieties) regarding pain. She has a web site: www.thework.com

Has anyone read her book?

Chim, I hope that you get to the root cause of your problems. It hurts to feel those emotions again but it can be healing. ((hugs))

Yep, I experience the same emotions. I'm in cognitive behavior therapy treatment which is helping me identify these patterns of thinking which create further situations. What I do to focus on my immediate surroundings to stay active, stay in positive motion is to stop, pause, and relax. It helps.
The second part is the anxiety pain, it's real, it's a major issue for those of us sensory overload active, and healing is possible, just takes time to push the pain into normal range.
Best wishes!

Great job chimerical. Now you have to get below the anger. Because anger is not really an emotion, it's a reaction. That's why it causes so much pain. It pumps up the adrenaline in our bodies. Finding the emotion underneath and pouring it out is what will release the pain.

Years of alternative therapies helped me work through stuff, not to mention doing the cranio course. Just remember how clever the body is - things get repressed for a reason and it's essential to stay grounded and whole when you start looking at stuff. Everything mideyebrow said about staying in the now, name the day, notice the feel of the weather, that sort of thing. Yeah, I've read some Byron Katie stuff in the past - very helpful.

Remember you can heal without looking at things in detail. It's not an essential part of the road to recovery. You'll know if it's an issue, sort of 'the crying test', if you think of 'something' and still get super-emotional it's likely to still be playing an active part in your life.

It takes alot of energy to hold negative emotions, repressed events and emotions. That's why getting through things feels so good - you get your energy back! And it can feel great. Or feel crap, as something else immediately pops up for attention.

So be careful, work slowly, stay grounded and in the moment.

Tink I love Byron Katie. Thanks for the link to her website. I hadn't found that yet and I haven't read her book. Just heard her interviewed a couple of times but she was not on my active list.

chimerical - this is great progress! Ironically, before i read this, i posted on the sarno thread about a very similar experience I have had. (I never let myself feel stress and always repressed it and am now realizing and allowing myself to feel stress and it is helping)

In one of Sarno's books (i feel like I am acting like a paid spokesperson for him haha but I TRULY believe in this!!) he included a letter from a woman who had been through a lot of traumatic experiences growing up and had the typically myofascial/fibro diagnosis, unemployed, depressed, on meds, ect, and read his book and allowed herself to get mad - screamed/cried/ yelled out loud feelings that she had when she was younger and she said it felt like the world was lifted off her shoulders and that was the beginning of her making a full recovery.

Its weird - now that I am "more in touch with my emotions" ( i know it sounds funny..) I am realizing that I am pretty flawed.. I always tried to think that I was so tough and strong, able to handle stress no matter what, always happy and never a complainer, ect when in reality, i was just repressing all those feelings and trying to "act" like I could handle anything. Now, I am realizing that I am not super woman, and that is ok.

So I am continuing with what I call Project Anger. It is hard to keep up being angry all the time. I can still remember something that brings anger to the surface now and again, but life goes on. The high energy continues. Today I went shopping at Macy's and am now exhausted. Last Friday, for contrast, I canceled classes and stayed home after my Thursday MFR therapy.

I have a particular question to ask you guys. I wanted to see my therapist this Monday but she is taking the week off. I haven't seen her since December because I work that day and am exhausted after. Since I cannot have her input I am a little out to sea.

A colleague I work with wrote this nasty letter 4 years ago complaining about how this committee that I headed judged his application for promotion. He attacked me, saying I had a vendetta against him, lied about things (I did not), and generally trashed me right and left. He sent this letter to a lot of people, including the university president! I was so embarrassed I just put the letter in my file cabinet and did nothing.

Now this same person sent me a note saying he wants to host a party for my retirement. I would never go to a party that he was at, so I have to write him back something. The question is: should I take this opportunity to tell him just what I think about how he is a grandstanding idiot and how his letter was B.S.? Should I express my anger? Or should I just write a nice note saying that I would rather he not do this because of our past history?

Hey, this is a little like Dear Abby! I hope this is not too personal.

I'm really curious what everyone will say. My old MO was to stuff it and go. Now, I'd tell him politely that I don't care to associate with him after what he did. Period.

chimerical, I agree with asunda.. I would say no thanks because of your past history but I wouldn't bring up the letter. he knows what he did and that he was wrong (and hopefully feels really guilty).. By bringing up details of the past, he may respond with something nasty and that is added stress that would be best to do without. I think that acknowledging that you are angry and that you have a right to be in enough to help you deal with the emotion.

Congratulations on your retirement!

I have to respectfully disagree with the advice to make a point to this nasty chap. I've been reading lots of information about bullying at work and there is a very strong theme to protect yourself first and formost. Always. You don't know the motives of this person for hosting a retirement bash, but you know something's up. Something doesn't feel right.

My advice is to write back politely and say thanks but no thanks. Don't offload your anger at the past on him in the present. You have no idea what the response might be, but it is highly likely to negatively affect you as you retire.

Working with anger doesn't always mean expressing anger. Sometimes coming to an understanding is enough. Realising what happened and how you felt about it can be massively empowering. Getting the final word on how you felt during the past time of nastyness might feel good for a bit, but what if it backfires, and feeds into this person's vendetta against you? It's not worth the risk is my opinion.

Thanks for this Pumpkin.
You know, my husband has tried to teach me this, but I never quite got it. Probably because his explanations aren't much more than grunts of direction, being a man of action rather than words. He never explains anything to others, including me unfortunately, he just does what he chooses to do and leaves transgressors sputtering at him. He taught me that silence is power. Including the silence of, "no".
I'm going to print a little sign with your words on it to remind myself of this.

Interesting thread, I have been reading and watching it over the last few days.

Here is my two cents: I have a few phrases that I use if i feel pushed or picked at.

I would personally tell him " Thank you, but I wont be doing that" what can he say, nothing it just ends it. It leaves people with a loss of words.

My favorite one is "Thank you for your concern" I use this one when people try to tell me what i should and shouldent do.

Sometimes other people try to drive my "BUS" (take over for me), they jump into the drivers seat and sometimes they go for a litle ride and then I have to boot them out. Hello Im in charge of my "Bus" and who I allow on it.

Take care of you Asunda. You are in the drivers seat :0)

So i wrote my letter. It was short and polite. I did get in a jab when I said I found his sense of entitlement puzzling. I was thinking about what you said, Pumpkin, but I don't see how pissing him off could lead to bad consequences in the future. The terms of my retirement are set by contract and handled by an office way out on Long Island.

I also thought--well, there were no repercussions for his bad behavior, why would there be any for anything I do? But then I reflected how part of the problem is that the really bad actors in an employee situation always seem to get a pass. Everyone acknowledges they are "different" and exceptions are made for them. That is what happened in this case, and one of the things I discovered I was mad about was how various women (who served with me on the Women's Studies Board!) enabled his behavior, made excuses for him and never spoke up. Maybe I will try to talk to them about this (nicely). That might resolve some of my feelings.

Otherwise, the anger is diminishing and the pain is the same or worse--like today after teaching 2 days in a row because of the holiday. But overall this was a very worthwhile experiment I think and I learned something about myself.