I went home crying and shaking and not truly understanding. I went for 2 more consults before it started to sink in. There are still days I think I'm living someone else's life.

Once I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia, I researched it and learned that a likely cause of TN may be MS. I immediately freaked, having buried a close fried from complications of PP MS (after a 15 year battle). But before I even had the MS dx, I just knew. Small little symptoms that I never paid much attention to started to make sense.

Testing started and I couldn't pass a one and when the actual dx came I was just sad about what I'd be like as my kids got older.
A year later am feeling a lot more optimistic - it's a process.

Larry, I'll never listen to that song the same way again - great one! Diane

Deepthought, I sooo get it! In October of 06, I almost kicked the bucket. (I later found out in December that a dear friend of mine was murdered the week after I went into a coma...I haven't reacted to her murder yet either, and that's been almost two years....just anger that her ex-boyfriend only got 15 yrs plus time served) In February of 07 I had my first sx's of ON. I was so glad just not to be going blind, I didn't care about MS. Don't get me wrong it was a shock. But in the big pix, I was still alive! Life is fragile, and the only guarantees other than we all die eventually, is there ARE NO guarantees! (If I thought it would do some good, I'd go talk to a shrink...)But other than, you're born, you live, you die...what could a shrink add? :o) (other than a very expensive bill and maybe some good drugs);o)

I very quickly (and I mean in one day quickly) went through the stages of grief. Though the denial and anger could have been the circumstances... The hospital that did my MRI released my films to me, on my birthday actually, to bring to my neurologist the next day. Being a 3rd year Zoology student, I opened the x-ray envelope to find not only the X-rays but the radiologists report (diagnosis: probable Multiple Sclerosis). Disbelief was followed by anger (which I directed at the idiot who released the diagnosis to the patient), followed briefly by depression and swiftly by acceptance (a lot of little things finally made sense).

Frustration and anger still plague me when exacerbations 'ruin my plans', but I try to carry on being as active as I can. ;) I just joined a dance company and was cast in their winter show.

Good for you for telling the hospital 'no' and continuing to live. I encourage you to keep being proactive about doing what you want to do (and can) as long as you're able.

My first encounter with a doctor was not good.He acted as though what I was telling him was all in my head.I changed doctors and the next one I went to stated he did not know what was going on with me but he directed me to a neurologist It through a series of tests and thats when I was told.I joined a support group and it helped a lot talking with people who had the same struggles in common.

I was so scared that it was going to kill me. I hadn't even heard of it until then. Then, I found out that it wasn't going to kill me and that I could become disabled. I thought about that for a while and then figured that I couldn't just sit around waiting to become disabled. So, I continued on with life as usual. Even though, my life is being disrupted by this stuff all the time. It's kind of hard.

Shocked. Everything I knew was going to disappear (and it has!). I had a hard time dealing with it because everyone around me was so depressing about it. Either they had nothing good to say about MS or they were in denial. Don't know which was worse. Now I am very cautious of every thing and every one in my life.

Relief mixed with denial. Diagnosis took so long. I was fairly sure it was MS since it is prevelant in my family but it took the neuros almost two years to give me a definitive dx. Then I kept thinking maybe they've got it wrong and it's Lyme's or psychological or ...

I had had lotsa tests, but not an MRI yet, and the Dr. had a report that said "suspected demylenating disease." I called and asked him, "What's demylenating disease?" And he replied, "Multiple Sclerosis." I said "Oh."
I did not feel much of anything, just thought, "So THIS explains all these weird symptoms I was having for so many years. He sent me to aneurologist who sent me for an MRI, and I went to an appt. where she put the MRMRI on a light box, pointed at a few things, and said, "You have multiple sclerosis." An inintern was sitting in. I was relieved, if anything, as all my symptoms now had a name.

I called my aunt and left a message, "I now have a definitive diagnosis" (I had told her about the monster vertigo attack, and all the tetests I had). That return call came pretty prpromptly.

i still cry...dx 6 months ago. it came from the dr.'s mouth like i had a cold of something. went back a couple times; asked him, do i really have MS; he shakes his head and says probably for 15 to 20 years. i was suspicious of my symptons for years and years; asked doctors to check me for MS. naw, you cannot have ms, you are too old.

well, i have it. i really hate it. i will not get used to it. i will not feel that i am happy that i do not have something else. i just admit that i hate this thing. (the shoemaker's kids still didn't have shoes, and they didn't feel any better that the kid down the street had no feet.)

so, the doctors do not really care, friends care for about a week, thy do not get it. they tell you to get out there and exercise in the heat and sweat it out.

sometimes i think i am the only one with sense. well, there, i feel better already. my best to all of you. and you have permission to hate this thing.

would love to hear from some of you.

twinkles

I was sad, scared, and relieved to know that I wasn't going to die of a brain tumor (one of the other possible explanations for my sudden vision loss). On the plus side, I make all kind of fabulous changes in my life. I can truly say that MS is a gift in my life. A gift covered in a whole lot of dog crap sometimes but there is still a really nice present inside. :-)
I am finally living my life as a full-time writer and I am committed to my plan to become a published author and, one day, a person who only does MY writing for a paycheck.
Lazy Julie
http://lazyjulie.blogspot.com

the day it was confirmed i was sent directly to the hospital to start solumedrol treatments and i was in denail even as they started hooking me up to the i.v.'s. i believe i stayed in denail until recently when i finally decided to accept my dx and move on in a positive direction. things are so much better now!

I cried..... and I cried. 1# Because it seem like it too so long after 3 trips to ER and MRI and Many appointments and the Spinal Tap. They called and made me come into the office to get the DX and then my dr at that time said well you have MS and there will be a few things you will just have to deal with. I was so mad at him because I was having a serious case of Optic Neurtis so bad I had to wear sunglasses causes everybody asked about my floating eye. I told him about pain i was having, and he said oh that is normal with MS, you'll get use to it..... I never went back to him. Infact he made me ignore it for about 1 yr.

Then I started having thyroid problems and the dr ask me after reading my records why I was not being treated for the MS. I was having a BIG Flare could hardly walk and bladder was leaking badly.

I only told my parents and My husband knew. two of our closest friends....because I was at their house when I had one of my flares....few months past and I tried to explain to my children. It was a difficult 3 yrs before I came out of denial
and being scared then I was angry after that for a while and now I am just taking one day at a time. Not concentrating on it too much....

I think I said-oh sh---t. But thats been it. I just looked at it as another issue I would have to deal with. At times I have been disgusted, disappointed, but crying, no, at least not yet.

that's cause you're MCCOOL! :O)