Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group

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Crazy?

meg40185
meg40185
My boyfriend isn't very supportive or compassionate when it comes to my MS. He had a kidney transplant a few years ago, and has dealt with a lot of health issues during his lifetime, so I believe that is why. Last night I mentioned something to him about the fact that he hasn't asked me all week how I'm feeling, or showed any concern towards me. He got very angry and denied it...said that I'm CRAZY. I think I would definitely remember if he had said anything to me, since I know a few occasions this week that I've mumbled "Sure, I'm great thanks!" after asking him how he was feeling and not getting anything in return.

But the crazy thing has really pushed me over the edge. I have a lot of cognitive problems and his whole statement about me being crazy made me actually sit and doubt myself. AM I crazy? Am I losing my mind? Overreacting? It's scaring me. I'm afraid I'm worse than I thought.

I hate not having any support. Sometimes you just need someone to lean on, and I feel like I don't have him for that. Anyone else going through something similar?
dxat59
dxat59
I read your post to my husband and got a hug. Thanks!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Meg, my husband has health issues also and he is not supportive at all. When we talk it is all about him... how he is feeling etc and on the rare occassion he will ask me how I am as if it was an after thought.

You are not crazy! Women remember things like this when everything else fails.

I'm sorry you do not have the support you need. I have a wonderful long time friend (we've been friends since I was 12) that tries to be supportive of me. She goes to all my doctors appts with me and on her days off comes over for a visit and tries to keep me active. I know she doesn't 'get' what is going on with me... heck I don't 'get' it either but she tries and that is all I can ask.

I wish you the best with your boyfriend. Maybe both of our men will open their eyes some day.
deleted_user
deleted_user
NO! You are not crazy, rather I think the terms 'self absorbed', 'oblivious' and 'indifferent' can and should be used to describe your 'boyfriend'.

The sad fact is likely to be that while he may care 'for' you, it sounds pretty much like he doesn't really care very much 'about' you, your health, state of mind or feelings.

Ask yourself is this what you need/want in and from a relationship while you're still yound and healthy enough to change it if it isn't.
deleted_user
deleted_user
younG
MsRee
MsRee
I'm so sorry you are not getting the support you need. Don't doubt yourself. You aren't crazy. Its the thought of him asking even if you were ok. Thank goodness my fiance is very supportive and concern about my everyday health. Sometimes he gets on my nerves but I'm thankful for him and my kids as well.
I'm here for you and I know its not the same as having a human being there but if you need to talk and vent this is the place to do so.

Keep your head up!
meg40185
meg40185
Thanks everyone! I was really starting to doubt myself. But I know I'm not THAT out of it.

@Lisa - I am in the same exact situation! When it comes to him, he can talk for hours about everything that is ailing him, work, etc...but I don't get the same type of respect. If I do start to talk, he interrupts me constantly to talk about something unrelated, so most of the time I just don't bother. I feel just not important enough I guess.

@Alexana - The sad thing is, my ex-husband was the same way with me, but not AS bad. He's changed a lot over the years and we've remained the best of friends. To be honest, I think he's more helpful and supportive than my boyfriend is...and I thought I got a good one! It's amazing how I had such a great relationship before I got sick. Now it just seems like a competition...the whole who's sicker thing. Thank you for your comment. It's nice to hear that I'm not as crazy as he made me think!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Meg, there's a saying ..

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

Ask yourself why you're attracted to toxic men and relationships, it certainly isn't doing your MS any good. Neglect is a form of abuse, that includes emotional neglect. Are you of the belief that half a bag of shit is better than an empty bag?

You are too good for this rubbish. Ask yourself what you're REALLY getting out of this relationship and is there more you're not getting then you are. Do NOT make the mistake of staying in a toxic relationship while you still have the physical ability to get out and start afresh..next time with a different type of character than this guy or your ex husband's.
hmmmingbird
hmmmingbird
Meg,
Is it possible that he still perceives you as "Meg my girlfriend," rather than as "Meg my girlfriend with MS"? I don't know how long ago you were dxd, or if your symptoms are very visible.

I certainly don't want anyone's first thought when they see me to be, "Oh, she has MS." That's the reason I haven't "come out" to very many people besides my large extended family.

So maybe his not constantly asking, is because he sees you as his girlfriend, and not as a person with MS.
lchoppel
lchoppel
I think Atheana has given you some really good advice and insight. It's hard I know, and I'm sorry you don't have the support system that you need. Hopefully you will be strong enough to withstand the treatment you currently get from your boyfriend, or you will be strong enough to walk away. Good Luck. Feel free to vent here all you need, we understand.
meg40185
meg40185
You all are great! I've gotten a lot of encouragement from this post, and I truly appreciate it. It helps to have ppl that understand!
deleted_user
deleted_user
((((((((Meg))))))
STEVP
STEVP
Whats with all of these guys with the bleeding hearts? I usually tell my wife very little. I could go on and on about every little ache and pain, but what good becomes of it. I could go on and on about the good and the bad at work, but frankly she does not get paid to hear some of the crap that goes on. I have a 45-60 minute comute to get those thoughts tucked away until the next day. I wake up in the middle of the night to try to think thru some problems, but I do not bother her with them.

And as a guy, I do ask my wife about her health, etc. We are a team, with her being the star player.

This may sound selfish, but it is reality. If she is sick or out of commission, who is going to do the more physical tasks? So it is in mine and her best interest to keep her healthy as well.
djbritt
djbritt
You are not crazy! It is so tough going through all this. It does help when your family asks how are you doing. It shows caring and concern for you. I know sometimes life get busy and we take our family for granted. Sometimes my husband gets like this. I do have to tell him how I feel and how I think he needs to act toward me. Far a while he will do what I ask. I do not think he realizes what he does and how it makes me feel. I hope things get better with you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Steve P I agree with you. My wife has learned during our marriage that I may not say much, but that doesn't mean I don't care or worry about her health. She is diabetic and has problems of her own, and with my MS problems , I know she notices things I don't and she'll let
my Neurologist know of any changes. It's a partnership. When we go to my Neurologist, the Neurologist will ask me how things are going then do all the tests to see if changes or not. Then ask my wife if I'm telling her everything. When my wife goes to her Doctors, sometimes I go sometimes I don't. But being in a wheel chair some of those Doctors offices aren't easy to get into with a wheel chair. It can be difficult at times, but we're in this marriage together.