No one can tell us why it's us. But, I understand why you ask. I often get to the place where it is necessary to question the reasons. We had group today. We asked more questions than we answered, but every day has potential for clarity. I think it's about honor. I think it's about communication. I think it's about claiming, for ourselves, the realities...and saying thank yous to each part. Honor is a must. Once we can do that, the "why me"s are less frequent.

Love yourself. Don't ask why without honoring those who saw you through. :-)

Sorry if I'm intruding. Have been working hard on my DID. Hope to be around more. Sorry you're struggling right now.

Oh, as for remembering...have you considered the possibility of dissociation? You may not recall a thing someone else does because another part holds that memory.

Hi Bird. Welcome to the group.

Hope...we here at DS understand the feeling all too well. It is one of the things that is bad and good about DID. We don't remember the bad stuff, but then we miss out on lots of the not-bad stuff too. As you are able to work through your stuff, you will probably gain some good memories too along the way. Hang in there.

For me, it would be boring to be normal. I would like to not loose time and not know what I did. I probably won't remember this either until I read it later. At least I don't feel very rational right now and don't want to.

Sometimes we are so used to dissociating that it takes great effort to get back to associating when we want to. Have you every tried 'grounding' techniques, or 'mindfulness', like really bringing yourself to BE in the present moment? I usually seem to preoccupy myself with some kind of thinking that disconnects me from where I actually am,,, like all those people walking down the street listening to things coming through their earbuds so they can't hear the birds singing or anything.

Why can't I connect with the little that is full of passion for life, that can laugh and live free in the present... Where did he/she go?

Like a bird a bird I want to be free from this body ... Free from the abuse and the memories that entrap me... Don't you all want to be free? I'm tired of living in fear and always coming second to my abusers... I no longer want to hurt and hide in the shadows so no one sees the real me... But who knows of this will ever be... For my life of abuse is still not over and the tears my little cries have yet to dry... I try to be brave while struggling to be free ... Will someone please save me :'(

I cannot save you dear one, but I can walk with you through the battle field of broken dreams... I cannot cry with you for I am numb, I will take your hand in the darkness... Because My eyes will offer no solace.

okay, why is this abuser still being allowed to abuse you?

Because no one cares and is stopping him :( thank you for waking with me John

There must be a way to get him away from hurting people, and/or get people who might be hurt away from him.

I live on campus but since he back in town he has been trying to get to me

oh, I'm glad you're still on campus. Are you getting to stay there for the summer? He may be trying to get you, but there are things you can do to defend yourself now. Tell him to leave you alone or you will call the police, and if you need to do that then call the police and report him for stalking, harassment, threatening,, whatever. Stay where there are other people around. Don't answer phone calls or e-mails. Tell him the days of abusing you are OVER!

I was abused from age four until he died when I was thirty. I married at seventeen. You do the math you come up with "why" for me too. My simple answer is, because he owned my body. He brought it to life, and he said, from all those years ago, he would not get into heaven until I had learned the proper ways to be a wife. But, by the time I WAS a wife, I had been his lover for years. I have no real way to describe how sick that makes me feel. Just knowing it makes me physically sick. But, to see that question here, among people who share my disorder... That makes me know the stigma carries over even into this community.

I feel sick again.

"Still being allowed..." That's what did it. I just threw up.

The question is appropriate, I suppose. Why are any of our a users allowed? That infers choice. Funny. I never felt I owned choice. Not one time in 26 years of his sexual perversions against me did I ever feel I owned choice.