punishment, intimidation, fear
such things tend to create long term problems for short term gain, especially when self inflicted (or do i misunderstand?)

please treat yourself gently

kevin

you understood right ... ugh i just don't know what to do

i'm not multiple so i don't have any worthwhile advice for you in this ...
i can't begin to imagine how difficult this might be for you, but i shared an icecream with one of your others yesterday and thought her lovely. And if she is, then you all are.

The members of this forum will understand better your experinces and be here for you

Hehe lil kiki loves to share talk and play but thank you

and icecream?
kiki also loves icecream?
well, don't we all?
:- ]]

this is true :)

We were brought up in terror, but kids are better served and tend to obey better with love.
Basically, we get to be the parents to our inside people that we ought to have had.

I have the same problem with my family; which now involves four of my own children. They are now all grown adults, except for the one who didn't survive past 24 1/2 years old. My father and mother are both gone now, and neither one ever did really know me past what they saw ever day...not much talk, hugs, or interaction of that kind.
My two older siblings are much the same way. They both try to relate with me the same way they did when I was in high school. I am 51 years old now!! And they are 3 and 5 years older than me. Their perspective and the way they treat me is highly likely to stay that way; and they are highly unlikely to ever understand that. They will probably never understand that I have grown lightyears past them, as I cannot relate to them on a level beyond theirs and they cannot relate to me at a level beyond theirs, either.

I really feel lost and don't know who I really am, either. I first felt that way when my marriage fell apart in 1990. All predictability and sense of certaintly and my basic foundation of life suddenly fell from underneath me. And i've never been quite the same since then.
For me it's not a matter of control; being able to control switching or not ~ I can to some degree, but overall, I don't think anyone really can or is expected to control that. And punishment...well that sounds like self punishment to me....what is there to punish yourself for? If it's related to the abuse, then you're punishing yourself for that? No, I think we've all suffered enough punishment. Now is time for understanding, encouragement, acknowledgement, and learning to work together to be strong and not allow, to the best of our ability, that to happen again. And, to be able to help others along their way in healing also.

We get to be whoever we want to be. It's freeing to leave an abusive family behind. It doesn't have to be tragic n depressing after we grieve for what we've lost.

That's a very good point...I like that idea....I've been feeling like I'M the one who's a "traitor" for cutting off ties with my siblings; but ironically, it is THEY who have betrayed me. Wow. Another light bulb comes on!!

Thank you all so much.. you are all right and starfish thank you so much for sharing your story.. And your right i have abused my body with cutting sine i was 12 i am now 22.. Its weird to except who i am after denying. hiding, and pretending the voice and feelings wasn't there for so many years.. My family will always see me as kiki and she is the family keeper... i'm kinda scared to see what they will reveal and to face the little hurt child or to try and reclaim my name back...i've been teekie for so long she's all i know

My experience has been so backwards, my backwardness is backwards, I thnk!! I don't know what that means, but one thing I've found out that works well for me is, that the more I work on improving my relationships on the outside, the more things seem to calm down on the inside. I am SOOOOooooo guarded (and perhaps understandably, after some really horrid experiences in therapy) now that even I can't gain access to the deepest parts of me....but I think, it's kind of a relay system inside...and I hope and think, that somehow, the healing messages are still sinking in there somehow.

i think yurmakinfun is right, we need to grieve for what we lost, and perhaps grieve also for what we never had

i also suspect we end up with 2 famiillies. The one we're born into and the one we gather round us in life. Reconciling the two seems to mean being a different person in each according to their expectations. Kinda sucks. Of course you multiples have a 3rd family. Your internal one - probably more complex, far richer and a bigger pain in the arse than i can ever contemplate.

but i think you all wonderful, and admire all your courages. That you often seem to forget this about yourselves is, i think, one of the sadnesses of this forum

kevin

Thanks, k2!! It is good to be reminded by someone on the "outside" point of view. Acknowledging my own self and accomplishments, is very difficult for me to do...and remember!! ;)

The whole thing of dealing with the pain revealed by your alters is very scary. Anything unknown is scary not knowing for sure what is on the other side.

From my experience switching is determined by the alters not by me.

When you reject your alters, you are rejectig yourelf and in turn hurting youself. Accepting your alters is accepting yourself, being kind and validating to your alters is also being kind and validating to yourself. Part of therapy is reparentng ourselves and treat ourselves the way our parents were incapable of.

It may not be you that needs protecting but there may be a few little alters that do and they have protectors on the inside for that purpose. Rejecting protection is denying your alters safety. Sorry about the rambling.