Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
My father called today, he wants to work out our relationship. Not too long ago, I would have killed to hear a parent say that. He's agreed to counselling and even to let me help choose the practitioner.
It seems like the right answer would be to jump up and down for joy, I guess the thing is, we've been through this a million times and there always ends up being a reason he can't go. And each time we talk he inadvertently shatters me again. He doesn't believe, doesn't remember, doesn't understand, and makes it all seem like my fault for being crazy.
I have no attachment to him or my mother and cope far better without them. The only reason I keep agreeing to try is that whole thing about the value society places on parents. And to make my brothers happy. And because it seems mean to tell them I'm just not interested and their presence does nothing for me. (Aside from giving me more nightmares etc.!)
It seems unfair and unreasonable to just say I never ever want to talk to them again. They're apparently willing to seek help and change, but I just don't want to get hurt anymore. It just feels too late. Plus I don't actually think they do want to change, they just want to appear to be doing the right thing so they can suck me back in.
My father uses me to arouse her so she will let him f--k her and whether is a conscious thing or not I don't ever want to be part of that again.
It seems like the right answer would be to jump up and down for joy, I guess the thing is, we've been through this a million times and there always ends up being a reason he can't go. And each time we talk he inadvertently shatters me again. He doesn't believe, doesn't remember, doesn't understand, and makes it all seem like my fault for being crazy.
I have no attachment to him or my mother and cope far better without them. The only reason I keep agreeing to try is that whole thing about the value society places on parents. And to make my brothers happy. And because it seems mean to tell them I'm just not interested and their presence does nothing for me. (Aside from giving me more nightmares etc.!)
It seems unfair and unreasonable to just say I never ever want to talk to them again. They're apparently willing to seek help and change, but I just don't want to get hurt anymore. It just feels too late. Plus I don't actually think they do want to change, they just want to appear to be doing the right thing so they can suck me back in.
My father uses me to arouse her so she will let him f--k her and whether is a conscious thing or not I don't ever want to be part of that again.
setting boundaries with family members was the biggest step forward I took to getting on the road of recovery...
I like what my therapist said - she said, "You know what you get when you put an abuser in therapy? - A more skilled abuser."
I have a lot of friends who have consciously created their own families and they're there for one another - to do fun things, ask for (and receive) help and just be family. Oftentimes the best families aren't biologically related but instead have a great deal in common.
Hope you find what you need.
...I don't know(or remember ATM) what your father did to you. I do know he did not protect you from your mother. I remember some of what your mom did to you.
Based just on the parts I know, it's totally reasonable to walk away from them both.
They didn't think about you, they thought of themselves. Chances are, if they want to draw you back in, it's for their own needs, not yours. Not for your benefit at all.
My strong suspicion is that they are not capable of actually giving to anyone. They just want to take some more.
I agree with Stephanie.
I used to have a terrible time with the "honor your mother and father" commandment, and my parents used to fling it at me whenever I got angry. I struggled to understand how I could possibly observe that in the face of all the abuse, and lack of good role modeling. I had all that anger still inside.
I finally came up with that I could give them credit that they actually did what they knew how to do. My father was himself an abused child. My mom was very sick. So, to stop hating them was a struggle. I had to establish healthy boundaries.. honoring them didn't mean to tolerate abuse.
How did you all get so wise? :-)
I think your decision is the right one.
It's funny how easy it is to know it's a bad idea, but so super hard to ignore him. I just pretend he's someone I only just met, and from that perspective he's pretty nice. (Yeah I know, it's nice until he starts up with the old stuff and makes me suicidal again. :-/ ) Will try harder.