Multiple Personalities Support Group
Dissociative identity disorder is a diagnosis described as the existence in an individual of two or more distinct identities or personalities, each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. At least two of these personalities are considered to routinely take control of the individual's behavior, and there is also some associated memory loss,...
Just a quick rant-ish.
I decided to get rid of my supports for awhile, so have been going to appointments dressed nicely, speaking properly and letting my smart people show off. It's sort of shocked me how quickly I'm pronounced 'normal' 'healthy' and ready to be discharged. That was the intention all along, but it's kinda weird, to be telling them you feel suicidal one week (don't worry I'm ok now), and then the next they look at your outfit and decide you're all good.
Just because my smarties impressed them, it doesn't mean none of the others are having problems.
Not exactly sure why I could complain, because everything went the way I wanted and planned (how often does that happen right!).. but still, I guess it just scares me a little how easily they can all be fooled.
I decided to get rid of my supports for awhile, so have been going to appointments dressed nicely, speaking properly and letting my smart people show off. It's sort of shocked me how quickly I'm pronounced 'normal' 'healthy' and ready to be discharged. That was the intention all along, but it's kinda weird, to be telling them you feel suicidal one week (don't worry I'm ok now), and then the next they look at your outfit and decide you're all good.
Just because my smarties impressed them, it doesn't mean none of the others are having problems.
Not exactly sure why I could complain, because everything went the way I wanted and planned (how often does that happen right!).. but still, I guess it just scares me a little how easily they can all be fooled.
Here are some:
- You can get listened to better, and treated more respectfully
- You can temporarily fit in with more 'normal' people and they think you're cool
- You can keep out the sympathetic people who just want to pat you on the head
- There are some moments when you feel proud to be able to do stuff (using 'you' loosely here, sometimes it's nice to take credit that strictly might belong to another)
The only thing is, people think you should always be like that.. because that's 'YOU'. Too bad when smarty pants goes away or gets locked up by the inside bad guys or needs a rest or someone else wants some outside time.
And, people go, 'oh you're so functional, you should help me with all my problems.' Or, 'you don't need any help at all, you're doing better than I am!'
It makes me crazy sometimes. Just because there are some smart and functional people it doesn't mean everyone is ok.
Just like when they see someone who is failing and miserable and think we need to be hospitalised.
I guess it's a lot trickier for other people to understand. Just like it's tricky for me to understand how they could live a whole life on their own without having any breaks or sharing jobs. Life is totally weird.
it's very true...when I was at work 4 years ago before i crashed, people were like u are always happy, cheerful and so peaceful and calm...well storm was running inside...but hey who notices the inside right..so here we were for over years and years putting this bold face and making it look like all is well...cheated myself out of the hospital after they wanted to throw me in the psych unit and so I knew that the ways to escape was to act like all is NORMAL...what the heck is normal anyways? Life is weird but its weird when people want u to be normal? so trying hard and dry finally managed to be in and out of hospital and made it bak to work and then again, no one knows the real me...other than my T, so it's like pretend pretend, fake it till u make it...and these people who see me every day 5x a week at work...hell no they don't care about me as soon as I walk out that office door...people who really care will see u thru and know that u are faking..
I think people can help us to the extent that we are willing to accept help. If we ask for what we need, we're more likely to find help. If we're putting our most put together alters out, we can "fool" others but a lot of professionals can see that as simply an unwillingness to receive help so they allow us to do our thing until we're ready to ask for help.
and wow! I really like to wear all kind of hats too. I got an old fashioned type sun bonnet this year. :P I have to get a dress to go with it now.. ohhh and then shoes, buying shoes is hard. and I got a couple of cowboy hats, and a cecil and beany one from a tag sale.
umm but anyway, yes, 'adaptive'.
and I guess this is true, too, " we can "fool" others but a lot of professionals can see that as simply an unwillingness to receive help so they allow us to do our thing until we're ready to ask for help. " It's really hard for me to ask for help, because,, well, some people do want to help but they don'[t know how and it just gets all more complicated.
Jammie, how true. My Polly is kind of just for that.. and then there is a Miss Propper too. Miss Propper,, now see actually, this is the same on I used to call Doris Day.. those movies where she is just totally ideal and everything works out fine and dandy and everybody likes her and she does all the right things, and smiles, and is sooooo positive.... and it works. And I think it makes me even madder inside that it does work, you know? So I can do it for a little while and then I get so fed up inside that I just about explode, and maybe in the middle of it Janis comes out and I hear inside my head, and maybe it even gets out, "F THIS SH*T!"
But maybe I'm getting kind of better now cuz I'm not so much at these two extremes lately, so not crashing in the middle so hard either. But I sure know what you mean.
Do you know what schizotypal means? I was just thinking maybe that's the opposite?
umm I was just reading my type, watching myself, and I dom't know exactly what's going on, cuz I don't usually ... but sometimes, really yes,, go on like this.
Amyway, yeah, they can't read what's inside and have to go by what they see. I know some people who fooled them too,, and they felt bad, but how could they know, if the person wasm't communicating it?
There is that part of you that knows everything is not ok, but is frustrated because the system is not giving you the help you actually need. I hope you are led to a good path of help.