Well, no one responded so I will! I have no choice. I live with my failings every day. I try to blame my mom for not raising me better. I blame my husband, my job when it all boiled down to me. I AM HER MOM. I FAILED HER. I know it acutely between the hours of 2am to 4am. She is my youngest, I know I didn't give her the attention I gave the other three, She has two beautiful children that I am raising. And yes, more guilt because I am sometimes angry and bitter about that. I love them dearly but my husband I should be retiring in about 5 years but now cannot. Off to work!

Good morning... I am standing in the same mud puddle, BUT, I want to challenge you to think outside of the box here a little bit. As a mother- no matter where you think you have failed your girl- she is still on her own path, learning her own lessons and facing her own trials. Living her own life and she also had/ has choices. What if - this has NOTHING to do with you? What if you did your best with what you had and what you know? Could you let yourself off the hook a little bit ?

When my son was sentenced to prison- a piece of my identity went with him. It’s been a year now- he is doing better than I could have ever expected- and so am I.
I hit a bottom. I hit a wall. I felt the kind of hurt that wakes you in the middle of the night leaving you ready to scratch your heart out so that you don’t have to feel... I was a train wreck ... but YOU have an opportunity to STEP INTO YOUR BEST VERSION of a mother than you have ever been. You have an opportunity to love the shit out of yourself as you go through this - AND love your daughter - right where she is.
I’m coming from the deepest place of love and compassion.
This will not be easy- but there can be huge treasures, blessings and purpose in the biggest of shit storms. Praying BIG for you mama!❤️❤️❤️ You’ve got this...

OH Amanda, you are right. She seems to be doing well in there, considering her charges. I actually smiled the other day while driving and thought to myself, damn, I am happy. But right after, I thought well, enjoy it because it will be fleeting. So cynical now. BUT, that did give me hope that I CAN be happy again. How long does your son have? It'll be a long time for us. Thank you Amanda, I WANT to be the best Mom and Nana, I really do. I just have to make myself jump out of the mud puddle. I feel your love and compassion and I hope you feel it right back at you.

Well it's crazy but that is all I think about. How I failed my son. Constantly thinking what I could have done all these years raising him to change this outcome of him going to prison for 6 years. I dont think I will ever completely forgive myself for not being harder on him.

Amanda Marie, that is probably the best advice I have heard since all this happened. My son was 30, leaving at home and being totally dependent on me. He letters show me he is already changing his thought process and wants to be a better person all around.

you know what? Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving... agree? We ALL could have , would have , should have, right? I’d be willing to bet that we all did the very best we could... and if it’s not to our liking - we can decide what kind of person, friend and mother we want to be. I don’t believe we just get it wrong... and I don’t believe we are ever going to get “there” - to a place where we have it all figured out. There is ALWAYS an opportunity to grow. Now- we just get to pick the qualities we want to exude and decide to be that! Say this affirmation:

Even though I feel like I could have done a better job, I am willing to step into my best version of myself as a person and a mother.

It’s gojng to be ok ❤️
I bet your babies - even if from behind cars temporarily- feel very lucky to know hey have a mother who loves and cares for them!

I am raising her two kids. They were 4 and 7 when this happened. I know how grateful she is that I am taking care of them. I know she knows how much I love her. I am trying really hard to be the best version of my self that I can be at this time. It took me two years just to come to come out of the haze I feel I've been in. I think once she got sentenced and actually in prison, I was able to come to terms with it, There was an outcome and a sentence so my life is no longer in flux. I had to come to terms with the fact that this is is my retirement and my destiny. It's been really tough. A good friend of mine, her son just got arrested and I KNOW what she is feeling and going through and there is no easy answer for getting through it. It really is a matter of getting up every day and saying "I CAN do this". At first you are CONSUMED with it. You can't stop thinking about it and all that you did wrong or could have done better. I did all of that. Even having her kids, I could barely get OUT of bed, let alone work and take care of two troubled kids. It took her actually being sentenced and having that outcome that I can know what my future is. I am actually getting BETTER. I am smiling more, where the smile actually reaches my eyes!. I feel happy. I still cannot talk about it because it brings it all back but I am happy and I will take it after two years!!! I won't allow myself any longer to think about how she is 28 this year and will be 40 when she is released. All that she is missing and losing out on. I CANNOT CHANGE IT. So therefore, I accept it. Sorry, I just had a lot of random thoughts this morning. Hang in there Moms, there is enough blame going around, try not to let it devour the person, the women that you are.

Thanks Amandamarie for the good advice ... for me ... the wounds are still fresh .. only has been 2 months ... I feel myself slipping into the dark world of depression .. day after day .. I try to live a normal life .. but still having a hard time ... yes the guilt is consuming me .. I do have sleepless nights ... can't or simply do not want to feel happy .. as it makes me feel more guilty .. as I think of him behind bars ... today ... being Mother's Day ... we went to visit him ... having my son wishing me a Happy Mother's day .. behind that glass panel .. me not being able to reach out and hug him .. he's only 24 years old .. my youngest .. I was supposed to watch over him, protect him ... I have failed ...
things haven't been easy for him - he had a beating, someone stole his boots ... and there's nothing I can do to protect him ... I hope that with years, things will get easier ...

One day I was feeling sorry about my son being in prison for life, sorry for myself, feeling guilty and all the other emotions...and my Aunt said to me, “don’t be feeling sorry for your son, he’s a grown man...and don’t feel sorry for yourself because it won’t do any good!”

Over the years her advice has helped me through some very hard times, but it still gets emotional for me during the holidays.

Missing my son on his birthday and then at Christmas is the worst!

One day at a time. Things will get a little easier as the years go by, but sometimes the pain will surface out of nowhere and hit you right in the gut.

Take good care of yourselves and keep your chin up. God will help us through this.

i am new to the group and no one has responded to me. i am hoping some one will soon. i need to talk to someone so bad