Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
Between my first miscarriage and my recent second loss, I've noticed that people really seem to view miscarriages differently. And I'm wondering if any of you have noticed this as well.
The other day a friend of my bf and his wife were discussing the fact that they had had a miscarriage before having their son. I had no idea about it, and thought I might be able to share my feelings with them since they had a similar loss. However, to my surprise they acted like it was no big deal. They kept saying how when they found out they were upset but got over it quickly b/c they knew how common it was, and it was just a part of life etc..They didn't even seem to recognize the miscarriage as a loss of a child. I was really shocked b/c most people I've talked with who have experienced miscarriages were very upset, and could relate to my feelings.
Also, lately I've noticed that a lot of people I've been around seem to think that a miscarriage in the first trimester is not really like loosing a baby, b/c the baby was not yet "viable" out side of the womb. Now I don't expect everyone to feel like me, but I've just been shocked at how differently people view miscarriages.
Most of my friends either keep reminding me of all the "facts", and how miscarriage is common and lots of pregnancies fail, etc, etc., or they go over board and treat me like I'm damaged goods and suggest I not get pregnant again cause its bad for my body, and some women aren't meant to carry children. While these reactions aren't my favorite, its this new "get over it" attitude thats really got me. I just really wonder if a lot of people feel like miscarriage is not a big deal and not really like loosing a child.
Have any of you talked to people who really don't see a miscarriage as a big deal, even if they themselves have experienced one??
The other day a friend of my bf and his wife were discussing the fact that they had had a miscarriage before having their son. I had no idea about it, and thought I might be able to share my feelings with them since they had a similar loss. However, to my surprise they acted like it was no big deal. They kept saying how when they found out they were upset but got over it quickly b/c they knew how common it was, and it was just a part of life etc..They didn't even seem to recognize the miscarriage as a loss of a child. I was really shocked b/c most people I've talked with who have experienced miscarriages were very upset, and could relate to my feelings.
Also, lately I've noticed that a lot of people I've been around seem to think that a miscarriage in the first trimester is not really like loosing a baby, b/c the baby was not yet "viable" out side of the womb. Now I don't expect everyone to feel like me, but I've just been shocked at how differently people view miscarriages.
Most of my friends either keep reminding me of all the "facts", and how miscarriage is common and lots of pregnancies fail, etc, etc., or they go over board and treat me like I'm damaged goods and suggest I not get pregnant again cause its bad for my body, and some women aren't meant to carry children. While these reactions aren't my favorite, its this new "get over it" attitude thats really got me. I just really wonder if a lot of people feel like miscarriage is not a big deal and not really like loosing a child.
Have any of you talked to people who really don't see a miscarriage as a big deal, even if they themselves have experienced one??
I think that because abortion is in the news and they discuss what a "viable" pregnancy is people have the misconception that there is no life until "birth". I think that people find it easier to fob you of with cliches and not admit they're hurting than to admit the truth sometimes.
However, I can see being ticked or upset with that. It doesn't matter what trimester you lose a child, the fact that it happened at all is earth-shattering to some.
That being said, my sister had an abortion (I know) and was so nonchalant about it I almost threw up. She described the procedures and laughed. To this day, I don't know for sure what she actually thinks. My best bet is that she was terrified and is afraid to let anyone know that... and so disguises it by "brushing it off."
Who knows why people say the things they do. At least here, we all recognize it for what it is. Hugs to all!
Actually, for the most part, people have been very sad for us and have recognized it as a big loss. However, we have very significant fetility issues and did IVF. So I think that makes people more likely to view it as a loss.