Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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need understanding

htag
htag
I am truly happy for anyone who is pregnant weather it be one of my close friends, or a co worker (in my case BOTH). Everyone is entitled to their moment of happiness, joy, ooohing, and aaaahhhing. Even when their child is born, they deserve their happiness and moments in the spot light. Despite any jealousy, or envy of their situation, I'd hope for the same treatment when and if I were blessed to be pregnant again.

BUT!

I have a friend who's become upset about all the baby talk happening around her daily at work and it got me thinking. People who have a child have a lifetime of happiness that they can rave about forever! Why is it that people are so quick to turn a deaf ear on OUR forever hurting hearts?! It's OK to feel your moment of glory when you have kids, but let us have our moment of hurt and heeling. Don't tell us to just move on and get over it! It's not anything that anyone will forget! Just be more considerate of the "constant" talk directly around someone who's been through this loss; especially if we're still on the mend! My co worker spent the WHOLE DAY talking about names for her baby in front of me. My Friend on this site has to endure a baby pool in her office! I just wish that people would take our saddness witht the same happiness they allow expecting or new parents.
Thanks for listening.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I with you.
htag
htag
It's a hard thing for all of us in the infertility community as well, to keep hearing the babies to be and newborn stories. I'm in both communities, and it's been one of the hardest things I've had to endure this year; simple lack of respect when it comes to asking "when I'm having a baby, or Why I don't"! I'm truly grateful that I'm not out of line posting my feelings on this subject. Thanks all for your support about people just needing to taking time to understand our loss and/or amount of time TTC! It's a very nerve wracking road.((hugs)) to all of you!
htag
htag
Thank goodness, I just saw my pregnant co worker yesterday, and she laid off a bit on the baby talk! She was kind enough to ask how I was doing, and I got my understanding! At least from her.
It just broke my heart to see people trying to support me after my loss and still crying for their own loss even after 30 yrs or more AND having kids! It's just so hard.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with all of you. I am also part of the infertility and miscarriage communities. I am so happy for my frineds there who are expecting but is really hard at the same time. I also have tobe around my brohter's 18 year old girlfriend who just found out she is pregnant. My stupid brother brings here over the house everyday. Plus there were people who showed up at the memorial service for my twins with their kids!!! Are you serious? My boys just passed and you are dangling your kids right under my nose? It is that attitude of "Glad it's not me"!!!! People can be so dumb sometimes. I agree with all the other posts on here. It can be very frustrating sometimes!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Last I heard, most of my family don't even know I lost MJ and it happened over a year ago. If I'd had a baby over a year ago, EVERYone would have heard about it. MJ's my baby too even though she isn't with me. It just isn't fair. :(
EmLou
EmLou
Hi Everyone, just reading all your posts. I want to say I have had 4 MCs in a row AND I can tell you all it doesn't get any better, in fact it gets worse. People avoid me like the plague, or the ones that still talk to me put their foot in it alot. Family still say insensitive things too. I don't think I'm oversensitive, but I do get upset a lot. I have had to learn to live with it, afterall its my problem and not theres. It would be so nice if people let me get out my frustrations or didn't say things to constanly remind me that I'm not working properly. But ces't la vie. Well done to everyone who has made a stand. Hugs to all.
goodgurl
goodgurl
I understand so well. I think that's partly why I didn't heal well when I lost my babies. I got told so much to 'get over it' that I crawled inside and stopped facing it in a normal, healthy way
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yesterday I had lunch with a colleague who has a two year old. It's no secret she doesn't LOVE being a parent. However, she kept talking about what an inconvenience her daughter is and how she isn't really cut out to be a mom, how she loves her daughter but....
This woman wants to be an aerobics instructor more than she wants her child. I felt it was a little callous especially as she knows I lost my first baby just a few months ago and I am currently carrying around another dead baby waiting for it to pass/d&c. She knows of the 5 long years we have been trying and all the effort, time, physical and emotional toll it has taken to get to our 2 IVFs. She knows that I have gotten pregnant both times and that my babies hearts STOP beating somewhere between the 9-11 week AND she has the audacity to say she'd rather take a dance class than be at home with her 2 year old? Doesn't she know what lengths I have gone to get a child? I'd give everything I've got just to be in her shoes.
htag
htag
auntiewee: I couldn't even imaging hearing that! I too have tried for over 11 yrs now (two hubbies) and have had one failed pregnancy through the long road. I see one of my friends call her child stupid in front of me and wonder why she got blessed to insult her child and I didn't get blessed and wouldn't ever think of doing that! It's so hard to hear people talk when they didn't want their children to begin with. I'd give anything to have a child to love and play together with.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I Agree...
All day at work all I hear is my coe worker brag about what her baby is going to be boy or girl...and it kinda hurts because come on They know I just lost my baby not even a month ago.....so I completely agree with you