I completely understand. We went through 4 years of infertility treatments and finally got our first BFP. We just lost the baby just shy of 10wks a month ago today. I sometimes feel like I already did my dues with infertility. Why should we then struggle just to bring home a healthy baby? Also its not like we can just try again...its a long process. Im not looking forward to tackling that mountain again and Im sure you are feeling the same way. Im so sorry you are going through this. It all just isnt fair.

I get so scared that I will never hold my own baby in my arms. Do you and others have that same fear? What do you do with those emotions? People suggest adoption and I want to slap them. After two losses I want to think I have a chance, but I also find it hard to hold onto hope. And all my friends are either pregnant or just having their babies. Everyone I hang out it with in my town is starting a family or already have theie babies. It is too hard to be around them, but then I feel like I am isolating myself. Advice?

I am petrified that I will never have a baby that I can hold. People dont get it. They never understood it when I was struggling to get pg and they definately dont get it when I miscarried. They think adoption is the easiest answer. They have no idea how difficult adoption is or even how expenisive. Plus if its so easy why didnt they just adopt? Why should we have to? Mentally Im not there yet. No close friends or family have ever struggled so I feel very alone. If I hear well at least you can get pregnant again I will kill someone lol. Just listen to your feelings. If you feel like you need to take a step back from friends then do it. I have my moments. Hang in there Friend.

I am so sorry for your losses. Your feelings are completely valid. I suffered three consecutive miscarriages and I was devestated. It was so difficult to be around all of my pregnant friends. I kept to myself for a while. It's o.k. to take the time you need and to distance yourself from difficult situations until you are ready to handle them. The good news is that after three recurrent miscarriages, I did have a healthy baby boy. Do not give up. Be easy on yourself. Going through what I (we) did was the hardest thing I've ever done but it makes you that much more thankful when you do deliver a healthy baby. There are no promises but there is hope.

I'm terrified all the time that i won't get to hold a child of my own in my arms. I've had two miscarriages in the last 6 months (at 12 weeks and 10 weeks) and we're about to start trying again. And I'm so afraid that the exact same thing is going to happen again. I just keep telling myself that sooner or later it will work our in one way or another. I'm definitely no where close to considering adoption. And I agree: people that have not looked into it have no idea how much private adoption costs --> can be more expensive than IVF, because insurance doesn't cover any part of it.

I guess the best thing we can do is support each other here while we're all waiting desperately for fate to give us the babies that were meant for us, and that we so deserve.

Wow, you are all amazing and such strong women. Thank you for all your thoughts and I truly hope that you have success. Do you feel strong? Because you seem so strong to me. When you begin trying again, how are you planning on not being terrified every day that you'll miscarry? Did you have warning signs of your previous miscarriages? I had none.

I have no idea how I'll be able to hold it together during the first trimester of the next pregnancy. And we start trying again in a couple of weeks, so that's weighing pretty heavily on me right now. But, the only other option is not trying, and that's not an option for me.

I had no warning signs with either pregnancy --> both were "missed miscarriages," in other words, my body didn't catch on that the baby had died. Both were no heartbeats on ultrasound (although both had heartbeats at 8 weeks). I never had a cramp or a spot or anything to indicate that things weren't going right. So I'm going to be living from ultrasound to ultrasound next time.

But again, what other choice do I have? If I want to give birth to my child, I have to keep going through this. There is the "pregnant after miscarriage" support group on here too, if you didn't know about it. I haven't used it yet (didn't discover this site until after the second miscarriage), but will join that group as soon as I'm pregnant, so I can post like a maniac the whole time.

And no, I don't feel strong. Defeated and terrified is more like it. But maybe someday I'll get to strong. :) I'm hoping we'll all get to strong and to the "pregnant after miscarriage" site soon.

I am so sorry for your struggles and subsequent losses. I had a m/c at 6-7 weeks pregnant then I got pregnant again--2 cycles after. I then lost my son Gavin at 23 weeks of pregnancy---we have no idea why he died. I felt lost and devastated---it took us so long to get our first BFP then to lose 2 babies in one year it shattered my world. I really didn't want to even try again, but we did. I got pregnant 2 cycles after losing Gavin and my son Beckham was born healthy and alive. He is now 8 1/2 months old. It was a very stressful pregnancy because I was a nervous wreck but it was so worth it. I wish you the best and I would be happy to chat with you if you ever need a "friend"

I had similar experiences, though I never struggled with infertility. I got pregnant during my first month of marriage, and the baby (our son) died in utero at 24 weeks - the week after I'd done all the baby shopping. I went through induced labor and he was born 5 days after I last felt him move. Then 10 months after losing our boy, I discovered I was 4 wks pregnant. That baby died at 8 wks.

I am a Christian and that has helped me through. I think otherwise, I'd have gone crazy. Since I lost my second child, my 19-y-o cuz and his 16-y-o girlfriend have had a healthy boy and have named him one of the names I was seriously considering for my son - Nathan. Another cuz and his gf have a baby on the way, and my brother had an extramarital affair and has a baby on the way with the other woman. Wow.

I am glad I trust God, because rather than ask WHY, I turn it around and say that God knows something about me that I don't. He knows I have an inner strength that I never needed to call on before. My loss has helped others because of my positive response to it. But that's my story.

I do wonder if I'll ever be a mommy. My hubby has 2 kids but I don't have any. I am going to try again, and this time I will see pregnancy as a season that may or may not lead to a healthy baby. It sounds weird, but that helped me deal with the second loss. I saw the pregnancy as a learning season, a growing season, and a season that might lead to me becoming a mommy. But again, I am describing my experience, I'm not prescribing anything.

As others around me have healthy babies, I take the time and space that I need. I pray about my feelings and I have a calm that even my doctor asks me about. People think it's easy to just "try again" but it's rough! One person in my family referred to the loss of my son as a "small glitch" and I burst into tears. It's an experience to which few can relate. My cuz lost 3 babies at 23.5 weeks and now she finally has a 4-y-o daughter. Don't give up hope!

I live by the verse: "all things are working together for GOOD for those who love the Lord and are called to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) that helps a LOT. And to answer your question, I am NOT strong, but the God who lives in me IS strong. I will be praying for you!

It is the hope that is hard to have at this point. Even though my fertility doctor has said she believes I will have a healthy baby and that she doesn't say that very often, all I have known up to this point is loss and failure. How can even imagine sucess? I honestly cannot picture not losing a baby. Do any of you ever feel like that? I hate to sound so cynical, but these are the real emotions running through me. I pray, I beg, I wish, but I still do not have that "hope" that it is all going to work out. Anyone else ever feel like this...like you cannot imagine success after only knowong failure? Thank you for your thoughts...I will try to use them in my daily struggle to get me through.

I feel your pain. I am going through my second miscarriage after becoming pregnant through IUI. We were lucky that I got pregnant on our first IUI attempt, but I know what a long road that even felt like. I'm terrified of not being able to carry a child and it really doesn't seem fair that so many people I know seem to get pregnant so easily and then go on to have healthy babies with no difficulty at all. I have friends who didn't even think they wanted kids but got pregnant immediately after marriage and now have 2 children. Then again, I also know people who have had many more hardships than I have who, after much difficulty and sorrow, finally did get their baby as well. I guess we just have to keep hoping and believing that one day it will be our turn as well. I know how hard that can be. I wish I had an answer to your fear, but I guess if I did I wouldn't be on here either. I know adoption isn't easy, and that it's ridiculously expensive. My husband and I are keeping adoption as our last resort solution simply because of the cost. I guess that to me, it does help keep my hope alive of having a child but I do know it's not for everyone. I think what has helped us as well is to set a limit on how many times I will go through a miscarriage before we take that route. Also, we try to spend the time between attempts by enjoying things that I couldn't do while pregnant or after a baby comes. Traveling, nights out with friends, little things do help. None of this makes me want a baby any less, or makes me any less frightened that the next time around won't end badly, but it does help me keep myself from despairing. I don't know if this has helped, and I'm sorry to ramble on. I hope that someday soon you will have your little bundle, and I send you hugs in the meantime.

I am so sorry. I can completely empathize with you on feeling like everyone around you can not only get pregnant so easily, but then go on to have beautiful healthy babies. What stories do you have of people struggling and then finally getting their healthy babies? I don't know many storeis of those yet, and it definitely helps to hear them. You said you set a limit on how many miscarriages you will have. How did you decide that? And would you ever try surragacy first? Why did you lose your two babies...do they even know? I hope that you are hanging in there and I hope that you too are holding your own baby some day. Thank you for your post.

I don't know if this helps to hear this, but I also had two mc and then a healthy baby girl. The second pregnancy I went for tons of testing, weekly blood tests, etc and I still miscarried... I realized that there is really nothing they can do to stop an early miscarriage and maybe it's because nature is doing it's think - blah, blah, blah - I know you've probably heard that before, not that it makes it one bit easier. It's such a devestating loss. When I got pregnant again I told my doctor that I wanted to come in whenever he would see a normal first time pregnant person, I didn't want the blood tests, early ultrasounds etc. If it was meant to be, then it would be, if not then it wouldn't and making myself crazy with too much information wasn't going to change anything. Luckily, that worked for me and I had a perfectly normal pregnancy and now have my beautiful baby girl. About two and half years later, we tried again and I tried that same technique to try and remain calm, but unfortunately, when we went in for that first ultrasound, it was not good news. I did go on to try again, and now have two girls. We are just now having a 4th miscarraige. I am so dissapointed and sad, but I am not going to give up. I'm not sure why this is my journey and other people have no problems - just get pregnant and have babies, but maybe my story can give you some hope that it can turn out o.k. in the end. Hang in there... you are not alone.

This does help, thank you. I really does help to hear stories of struggle followed by success. I hear you about the constant testing so early on. Maybe I will try your approach the second time around and not get so many blood tests. It will be hard though...just wanting to know. Although, with my miscarriage this time around, I was getting my numbers tested every few days and they kept tripling. Everything was looking so good, and then all of a sudden I just lost the baby very quickly. So, it didn't even matter that the numbers were so good. I am working REALLY hard on having some hope, even if it is just a little but.