I have to say, that teens sometimes lie. I have worked with many, many kids over the year and even when busted, will only admit part of the truth. Sorry to sound negative, but my point is, tests today should be able to tell how long ago someone smoked. It will show up a fainter positive if it was a week ago. Was that the case?

Also, just keep open, honest, direct communication with your kids. Talk with them about the consequences of their actions and keep in close touch with the school and find out what's been going on from THEIR side.

You are right that kids will be kids, but unfortunately today, Marijuana has become a huge negative in some places and as accepted as booze in others, so you end up with funky laws and policies. I'm sorry that your kids are going through that. I would be complaining something FIERCE if I were you.

In my opinion, it would be hard to tell whether your kids have the tendency to become addicts. Not all people will become addicted to pot, but some will and I think the risk is there.

Without pointing the blame at you, do you or the kid's father have addictive personalities? If so, it is probably more likely that your kids will too. But this is of course not always the case, but since both your son and daughter have smoked pot, I would be wary about it.

Personally, I think it's good that the school is being so tough about drug use, because for some people, it can ruin their lives. But I understand where you're coming from, maybe they are going too far and it doesn't seem fair to fail them at all their subjects.

Anyway, there's probably not much you can do to stop your kids except by setting a good example yourself.

My thoughts are with you. Sorry you have to go through this, it must be pretty stressful. Hugs to you.

Drugs are illegal. There are serious legal consequences to getting caught smoking, growing, and selling marijuana as an adult. I know a man who was arrested for ONE marijuana plant and was told it was the same charge as a meth lab.I know people who, with the new drug laws, were sentenced to a year in jail on very minor amounts of marijuana. We are accountable for the choices we make, and your kids chose to participate in something illegal. That is your son's choice and fault, not the system. And it was your daughter's choice to go to school stoned. (the test did come back positive, right?) Whether or not it is "fair", these kids are defying the law, which is dangerous, because if they don't follow the one about pot, then is drinking OK as well? I am assuming high school has not changed a lot, and at these "stupid fun" parties there was also alcohol. So your attitude about your kids is kind of scary to me. I mean, they broke the law and could have gone to juvenile hall. Most schools have a handbook that parents sign noting that they have received the acceptable code of conduct and understand the consequences if these rules are broken. You may not see your children as addicts, but teens smoking pot is a bad thing. I was not addicted as a teen, but it increased my apathy and depression.
Maybe it would help if you were on your teens side, but encouraged them to get part time jobs, homeschool, and receive some of the consequences. And maybe you should stop sending the message that minors smoking pot is not a problem, not harmful. They are getting seriously mixed messages from you and the legal system. When they turn 18, this stupid fun turns into jail time.

I should mention, I returned to pot as an adult, and with steady use, I became a full blown addict.

I totally feel for you, and for your kids. This is a very tough one. I was totally in the same shoes as your kids. I don't think there is anything that anyone could have said or done to convince me to quit smoking before I was ready to quit. I caused a lot of trouble in high school by smoking weed, yet I was also very productive. I always felt that I was smarter than the teachers and any other adults, was already writing books of my own, writing songs, leading bands, was an honor roll student...and yet I was also totally manic and definitely veering toward destruction. My friends and I would smoke and drive, drink and drive, LSD and drive...all kinds of dumb things.

In thinking what could maybe could have made a difference, I come up with this:

If I had an adult role model that didn't smoke or try to self-destruct, I may have learned faster. As it was, weed was ok in my house.
Instead of accountability, I was mildly encouraged.
I am more militant now than anything. If I was in your shoes, I would make your son pay you back for the thousands of dollars of legal fees. Sounds like you are already rifted apart by this. Is that because you are using "tough love"? I believe that holding him accountable for his actions would be a very tough love. May not be pleasant now, but down the road I bet he'd respect you for it. I would.

There are so many rockin' adults out there that don't smoke, that can be huge role models. They'd have to find them on their own though.

I also wish that our family had sat down sometimes and enacted some kind of counseling. If not with an official counselor, I still think it would have been valuable for us to look at where we were going and what we had learned in our lives so far. Also, we have addiction in our ancestors. It would have been nice to talk about that as well.

Whereas I write about finding positive role models....now 20 years later when I think about the role models that I had, it is very very easy to tear them apart. They were ridiculous in their self-destruction. Find out who they idolize and why? Ask them lots of questions to get them to see for themselves the qualities that they are trying to emulate. Perhaps it won't do any good in the near future, but maybe a seed will be planted.

Marijuana is becoming closer to being legal, but that doesn't remove it's tendency to be an addictive substance and lead people to a very terrible time caught in the cycle of addiction and trying hard to get out.

Denial is a big part of any addiction. No one can tell someone else they have a problem if the individual doesn't believe so him or herself.

I agree until pot is legal the consequences these days with getting in trouble with the law, whether it's DUI or whatever, is financial loss. It sounds like a legal problem more than wanting help for yourself for addicted kids or help for them if they have a problem with addiction and want help.

I'd never in a million years want anyone to think pot is "ok" because it is or may become legal and fall into the trap of addiction I was in for so many years, killing and destroying my life in so many ways and hurting many people around me. It is an evil drug in my opinion for me, though I had a love hate relationship with pot.

For you to "ok" their use, be it recreational or not, may lead them to justify it if someday they find they have a problem and cannot stop on their own.

Many people here who want to stop have tremendous difficulty, and much suffering. I don't think anyone here is going to recommend pot as "ok" or "harmless", though to each his or her own!

Show them this site and let them see what people on here are trying to do. GIVE IT UP. and let them read some post's and see what it has done to other people. Good luck and hope they don't keep going.

I was so relieved to see 7 replies when I logged on this morning. I sincerely thank everyone here that has taken time our of their busy lives to share your thoughts with me and in some cases offer their advice. I realize that my initial post was rather brief as it would take pages for me to go into finer details of the past 2 years. My husband and I have been married for 23 years and neither of us use drugs or have any friends that do. Neither of us suffer from addictive personalities, but we are both type A personalities. We work hard but make time for fun (fun is and has always been parties here at home that NEVER have or will get out of control) Alcohol is consumed responsibly and we've not had ANY troubles with the law EVER!! This is the single most perplexing factor in all of this with my kids. They've HAD and still HAVE positive role models. We've lead an old-fashioned life-style in a way- I was a stay at home mom until only 6 years ago- family dinners, very involved in the kids schools, church, girl scouts, etc. That being said, there are problems with alcohol addiction on both sides of the family - my maternal side (my mom, both of her brothers; my brother) and my husbands maternal side (his mother's brother). It is something that we have been talking to our kids about all of the time since my son got involved with weed and got in trouble 2 years ago. I do not condone the use of weed or any unprescribed pharmaceuticals for anyone----especially young people. My perspective is that I truly thing the schools and the lawmakers NEED to tackle what seems to be a pervasive problem with drugs in a totally different way. I have been a narc in my home for 2years now!! The consequences for finding weed in my son's room have been harsh (no assistance with a car or car insurance or cell phone or spending money) I think this is what concerns me most about my daughter. She SEES this and yet, made the choice to smoke the weed at a party. There are valid points in all of these replies and I thank you again sincerely for giving me a place to think out loud. I NEED to find a way to get my teens ABOVE the influence in a world where they think "everyone is doing it" and I would like for this way to be humane and compassionate while imposing consequences OTHER than jail time or time OUT of school which creates feelings of failure,anger, frustration and bordom which are the very reasons that many people, young and old turn to self-medication!!! Does this make any sense? I am also going to start of support group for responsible parents of good kids making bad choices! God Bless anyone here that is on the road to living in their "own" mind. You CAN do it. Please keep the comments and advice coming.

Ask. Ask your kids point blank why they would choose a path that would lead to such deep, hurtful consequences. Because they are close to the age where no matter what the system provides, they may still choose to use again. It is OK right now for you to talk to other parents of drug abusing teens, maybe at NarcAnon. They may not be addicted, but they seem to be ignoring serious consequences to keep getting high. That is not a good sign. I think right now you may not get to the why, but it is like a road map with a You Are Here sign. You didn't ask to be here, you may not deserve to be here, but here is indeed where you find yourself with these kids. Who are soon to be adults, in the law's eyes. Start seeing what you need to do to take care of yourself, what boundaries you need with your kids, etc. Again, I highly recommend NarcAnon, so you can meet parents of other kids who began where you are at.

Its messed up how public schools handle this situation. My 16 yr old brother was caught up in a similar situation as your daughter. He couldn't go back to school until he tested clean. The school made minimal effort as far as his recovery remittance. Most of all it drove my mom up a wall. Its uncanny how similar the situations are.

I feel for you, I have 2 girls 10 & 9 but with me smoking (not inside) they hear me cough and I tell them, "your not go'na smoke when ya get older will ya" and they both shake there heads. I swear like a trooper but they still think, poo poo head is bad enough and giggle when they hear it. So I have a bit to go through in a few years. So good luck to you now.

How are thing's going ? Good I hope.

Thank you for your concern. Well, as of last Friday, my daughter's urine screening was negative and so now this week is Spring Break and so she will return to school next Monday. In the meantime, I had her to a group called High Focus for a mandatory evaluation per the school before she will be allowed back in school. I have agreed to a suggested early intervention program for her which will consist of 8 weeks @ 3X a week from 4 to 8pm. This will certainly be extremely difficult on me as it will greatly impact my ability to have any business appointments after 2pm. Much of my business is done between noon and 4 and then after dinner until 9pm. The less money in and more money out equation has been the norm since this all started in early 2007 and is putting us in financial disaster. We pay out of pocket for a majority of these expenses because they are not covered by medical insurance. In the mean time, my son, who is productive and working a great full time job had a positive test for THC at one of his group sessions 2 weeks ago. His probabation will now be extended AGAIN for another 6 months and God only knows what other consequences the court will impose on him going forward. He has stayed negative for 5 months 2 times in a row now and then winds up with a positive (low level) just before the "graduation" from the classes. The group support at the local counceling center has done NOTHING for him. It's a joke. NOW My son has been told by me that I am not paying for this group but I will pay for High Focus. He will be paying any further expenses relating to court orders. I also found a group called Marijuana Anonymous which soley focuses on the use and or abuse of weed. My son went to his first meeting this past Sunday evening. This is absolute HELL ON EARTH. I am in the fight of my life to keep from becomming very depressed. I maintain my thoughts that this is grossly unfair to parents and families. What used to be a teenage phase now has become a scarlet letter for life. I have been reduced to a stay at home NARC and taxi driver to and from meetings 7 days a week. I was appauled to read many responses from my daughters peers on her facebook. Her comment was "have to go to High Focus for 8weeks..ugghh" The general reply was..."oh, I had to do that too....just yes them to death and get it over with". "you need to learn how not to get caught" "Oh, that woman over there is a psycho" and on and on. I see no end to this!! These kids in this town are all smoking weed!! The ones that have A's or play sports do not get caught on suspicion, but the ones that are average students or struggling students and do not meet the criteria for a 504 are being brought into the principle in droves. I say this because I have spoken to many, many parents in town since this has happened in my family for the second time. CRAP...my kids do not lay around all day and night on the couch watching movies in a pot induced haze!!!!! They ARE well behaved, productive citizens who want to go to school, want to work and do volunteer work willingly!!!!!!I know I am ranting.....thank you for listening. I can't afford counseling for myself to deal with this and there ARE NO support groups out there for "parents of teens who get caught with THC in their urine"

Just let them know it is not worth it in the end. AND please show them this site to show them just what it dose to you in the end. GOOD LUCK

You are entitled to your opinion, but many of us HAVE experienced an addiction to marijuana. I promise it feels a lot less like being a sheep to actually face it and quit than the years I smoked my life away.
This is a recovery forum not one for debating pot's addictiveness. I respect that you have a different opinion, but name calling is inappropriate.
I think outside of the pot issue, it is something to give one pause when any adolescent will continue in illegal behavior despite the consequences to themselves and family. Teenage rites of passage with this disastous effect are maybe a little overrated.