I think this is the first time that I've posted on the loneliness board. I'll try to make this as short as I can. So, I'm single. And for the most part, I haven't had a problem with it. I've had great friends, a great relationships with my mom, and on top of that, I'm an introvert who plays music and writes, which means that I actually love my alone time. I love living alone, I love sitting on my couch and watching sad movies alone, I love playing my piano alone, etc. On top of that I'm a social worker and so I've had meaningful work helping people which has brought me a lot of fulfillment. But, the other side of my life is that I struggle with mental health issues. I struggle with depression, insomnia and anxiety. And I don't know what's been happening, but since the pandemic my mental health issues have gotten worse.
Over the past few months, I've been thinking a lot about my singleness and gotten really depressed. But it's not because I'm desperate for a relationship because I'm not. But what's come up, is that I'm feeling like with all of my friends who are married or coupled...I'm their second choice. That's really hard to say out loud because I feel like it sounds narcissistic. But, I'm just beginning to feel like I'm no one's best friend, except my mom's. I'm no one's first choice. I was bullied a lot growing up and have some trauma in my background, memories of which have been coming back up over the last few weeks. I feel very blessed to have my mom, but she has cancer and has been feeling very weak lately and I haven't been able to see her due to the pandemic and stay at home orders.
But again, I'm 33, and I'm starting to feel very lonely. In a way that I never have before. I'm starting to feel like if I don't get into a relationship, I won't have security, I won't be a priority for anyone, I won't be anyone's best friend. On top of that, when of my good friends who is married and now pregnant, said that her husband is her best friend, and that since she's been married she hasn't needed her friends as much. There was more to this conversation and she didn't mean anything negative by it. But, it's added to these feelings. Does anyone have any advice? Or can they relate? I don't want to get into a relationship because I'm scared of being alone or because I'm scared of not being needed.
So much interesting content on YouTube. Japan. Have I mentioned I'm into languages. How I want to learn Japanese. Trying to concentrate on Spanish,German,Russian...poorly.
Mom's medical report from the home care is not correct. They have her down again with dementia without personality disorder and heart issues. She has neither!!!!!! For the past 3 years she has had every heart test there is and nothing abnormal has been found. She does have narcolepsy and ptsd!!! If she was 40 years younger, that is what the report might say but because of "her age" they...