I'm 42 and I ask that question all the time. My advice on the free dating sites is that they are brutal to one's self esteem. With online dating there is just too many guys for women to choose from and there are too many guys to compete with. I think some of the women on these sites actually become numb from all the emails they receive so unless you really stand out you probably won't have much luck. The paid ones might be a little better since people are paying money to be there so I think they are more serious about finding someone. Online dating is just another option in finding someone and probably shouldn't be used as the only one. If you are not afraid to talk to women then you need to go where women tend to out number the men like a grocery store or a clothing store and ask their opinion about something as a way to break the ice. I hope I was able to help because I do know how you feel so keep hanging it there.

Hi..Thank you. I am glad to know it's not just me that feels this way. And I agree with you. The thing is I know I've done it before but forget everytime how to start or get a girl's phone number every time I talk to them I don't know what to say unless there has been a precious conversation. Sometimes it seems like no problem but women look at oyu like your weird or something I mean me at times. I guess unless it's a work place or the internet they do and are more shallow. IThat is a good idea to go talk to people. I lost a few friends because of the bipolar and even lost a wife. I truly will hang in there but sometimes I just don't know if I can. Thank you for your kind words.

Nothings wrong with you smoothskin. You got the specs to have someone, Hell everyone does. Sometimes online isnt the best way to meet other people.

I understand. I get the question of why are you still single at 40 and not married. I have been engaged, but know I have had my own things to work out with anxiety disorder and past stuff and have been afraid to commit for fear of getting hurt. I know am ready for that and know that if someone wants to be with me they will and if they don't it's not about us. Also I have found that we "label" ourselves and continue to hide or get stuck behind that label. Everyone deals with something in their life whether it's their health, disability, or emotional stuff...that is life. I dislike the term "baggage". People write that on their online profiles and what's that about? We all have a past and it's what we choose to do with it today. Everyone chooses people for different reasons. Some go for looks alone and some for for heart, etc.
Just stay positive within yourself and the more you feel great about who you are the more it will shine through to someone else. Keep the faith and I have found that when we least expect something that is when it happens.

Good luck to you!
Amy

i agree with what everyones said here. and if a woman uses that term "no one with baggage" in their profile, i right away discounted them. i say to myself...look at yourself in the mirror baby, you have baggage and dont even recognize it! we live life we have baggage in some form or another.

yes dating sites can be brutal places, alot of pple, all trying to show their best side, as if they dont have flaws like the rest of us. i always looked for the ones with the deeper profiles. the ones that had more to say than the generic bs. i tried the green type dating sites, where i thought pple would be more out of the box, not so much carbon copies, and phonies. what i found was 90 percent had egos that were beyond ones imagination. i laughed and said, if you are all that honey, why you sitting next to me on the bench waiting for someone to love in life? sure many look for the cool, cocky but still sensitive guy that does everything perfect, the one in the romance novel they just cant forget about. for that type id suggest a life time subscription to harlequin books, not a real dating site. you want a woman with maturity, not someone looking for an unrealistic expectations. that doesnt always have to do with age either, maturity, and common sense.

so really its like in real life its often just luck to meet a good person there, ya increase the odds by the more profiles you look at, just as in real life by talking to more pple. still there are some that hit the jackpot. if you dont mind a long distance romance to start you might find someone of quality from another country. my gal is from the philippines. but again the same rules apply as to looking for quality, a person that writes with depth and sincerity. and its the same thing, a matter of luck sometimes. there are scammers on all the sites paid and nonpaid, beware of them too. whether online or in person you can come across liars, users and phonies with an agenda. pple will look you in the eye and lie, cheat and steal, its not just online sites that pple play this game.

its not you, its not you dont look good enough, its easy to think that when you write a nice reply to someone that hasnt the courtesy to even say thanks. look for the quality profiles, ones that spell out who they are, let down their guard a bit and tell it like it is. the other 90 percent on the sites are not worth even one click of the mouse.you also might look over your own profile and make sure it comes across with the same depth and sincerity you look for.

id been looking since 05, when i got dumped, i know this online dating bit backwards and forwards. dont give up, even if you go to these sites with no expectations at all, if you just go there to pass the time, clicking profiles like they were items on ebay, it might happen that you find someone you really feel a strong connection to. it can happen, try and shake this off and keep looking. best wishes.

I agree with foreveralone1 that online dating sites can be brutal on one's self-esteem. I have never had any luck with them. I was with eHarmony on and off for about 2 years. I had probably 200 or so matches. Out of those 200 matches I actually got into the free communication phase with 5 women. Out of those five women, I only went on one date. I was on match.com for about a year and didn't even get one date out of it. I think that many women join these sites and set the bar so high because they are looking for Mr. Perfect rather than Mr. Right. I think that if you don't fit their ideal, then they automatically dismiss you. On eHarmony, I actually had a couple of women that I had been matched with use "there just isn't any chemistry" to close the matches even though we had just been matched and never communicated. No chemistry? No kidding! I guess not, since we never actually communicated.

I have completely given up on the online dating thing. I try to meet women through social organizations or just by going out. I've had the most luck this way. That's how I met my latest ex-girlfriend. Anyways, good luck.

Thank you all for your responses. I'm not happy to know this cyber world is not up to par the way I would like it but at the same time I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.
Thanks again,
Jamison

It is the same for women....

Chef you are not the only one that has problems finding someone. I am very shy as well and ended up doing the online dating thing. Let me warn you there are people out there for them and them only so dont be discouraged that you do not find anyone out there. Sometimes its for the best. I have found a few nice people but when they are bad they are bad. The last person I met online was in it for the money only and that is that I truly believe. Watch especially people that try to adapt to your lifestyle and hobbies. Some use the technique to say they are interested in such and such but have never done it.... Hunting, fishing, auto racing etc. Then they lure you in and make you feel very important then BAM!!! Drop you like a hot potatoe because they are done with that experience and they move on to the next! Again not everyone is like that but it hurts when they are.
I am 45 years old and thought I had finally met my mate to be told they loved me and really wanted to be with me. Only to be dumped 6 months later after doing tons of new things with them, taking 2 trips and having a good time.

Life isnt fair at times, you just have to learn how to move around in and live your comfort and space. You have to be happy first then comes the other...

I agree that online dating isn't what it is cracked up to be......I sometimes feel that I don't need a mate just friends top do things with....Relationships with women just aren't worth my time anymore...I just do what I love to do and to hell woth what others think!!!


Tom B. aka Ihman

I'm just afraid of spending the rest of my life alone. I mean I have come up a long way and by no means have money in the bank to suppliment my time. I'm just worried there is noone that will want to spend time with a guy tha tis bipolar let alone not well off. I was married ten yrs ago and feel like that was my last chance. I agree with the online dating. Maybe I don't find someone that I can connect with because I'm honest on there. lol I don't put things down that I'm not. Anyhow thats for all your emails.

Jamsion

Chef I am in the same boat like I said. I am 45 years old and also feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life. I worked hard and was not given any good raises in 20 years at the job I am. Heck when I started dating that girl I was talking about I even told her I didnt make good money and I think at the end that is the reason she left because I couldnt afford to even date.
I feel I will be alone forever and that makes me sad.
When we started dating we did things that were cheap or free and when we would eat I would cook everything and it worked out. Then she got bored because she made 2x what I did and could afford to go out to eat every night where I could not.
I agree life is about choices but sometimes the less smarter ones like me get the raw end of the deal...

That is exactly how I feel....Women just want money even if they are well off themselves!!!


Tom B. aka Ihman

Not all women are bad. Just like not all men are bad. I think that there are good women on the dating sites as well but they are far and few between just like the guys. You just have to weed them out. The only problem with it is that a lot of people on them are dishonest because it gives them a chance to be someone they are not at times.
Then after the lie starts and someone takes the bait its easy to control someone that is willing to share their heart. Especially if they think you are one way even if you are acting it out. That is what she did to me. She even admitted it in the end that she was not the person I thought she was and that it was all a show basically.
I understand what other say... Go play, go have fun. But when your shy its hard to meet people. When you have a good heart its hard not to be played by a player as well.
I dont want to be by myself for the rest of my life but again I don't feel like trying because everything I put my heart out there it gets wacked with a meat cleaver!!! And a little piece of it gets killed off each time. I figure after a couple dozen times that its to the point i dont want to put it out there anymore and take my chances. But that will be the time someone walks into your life and you loose out again because you are withdrawn to the idea of dating...
Just a vicious circle :(

How true......You get hurt so many times you don't want to let someone in-(that is where I am at too..)....Might just be more healthy for me to rely on my counselor and family foe female support...



Tom B. aka Ihman