I think you are right. I see the public almost every day but I have no one close. Best friend, yes, but I want more than just friends. Most think I am a nice, helpful person but if they really knew me they would know there is more than one side to me. I can be nice or get angry, loving or disgusted with people too. Like I have said many times, I have lots of relatives but no real family(except Mom and my Lucy).

I would have to agree with you, I can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. Its like a void in your heart
Although I find it rewarding to do volunteer work
I don't see how that will solve the problem.
I am also shy
And deal with anxiety
Along with other challenges.
Then put being surrounded by strangers.

Hope things get better for you

I think that your comment is very insightful. If a person asks for help in finding volunteer work or something else it may be OK to help.
I think that therapists try hard to fix things (having worked as a mental health counselor, I Know). It sounds like you have found some things on your own that have been helpful
I have been feeling incredibly overwhelmed with many health issues and a fresh episode of depression and my therapist suggested that I think of one positive thing that happens each day. Being so overwhelmed I was just honest in saying that I didn't think that that would solve all of the problems that I have esp. the depression and loneliness. I know that she was trying to help, and I agreed to do this. It will be fairly easy, but will not help with the larger issues. So, I think I am getting what you are saying

I totally agree with you. it is not as easy as you say just to join groups etc. I agree that a lot of the time people are cliquey and it can be difficult to become part of their group. I have tried but I just don't seem to fit in. I try to be a nicer person, listen to others, ask questions etc but it is not enough. I don't know what the answer is. maybe its because we try too hard and people are uncomfortable with that ? then I think I am too negative so I avoid anything negative. I just don't know what the answer is. I wish someone would tell me what is wrong with me. I also keep busy and talk to strangers but I just don't fit in. I feel like I am outside looking in. I just wanted to let you know that I understand and that someone else feels like you do. I wish you well.

I actually ended up finding it helpful to be nudged, and after frequent trips to the library, I became a 'regular' Now, I'm really good friends with the woman who works at the Circulation Desk. Turns out, we have the same taste in books. I never would have known that though, if I didn't go to the library on a regular basis. I'm pretty socially awkward, and it takes me time to warm up to someone, so it took me a while to start engaging in conversation with people I saw there several times a week.

Also, volunteering was the best thing I could have done even though I initially resented being "pushed" into it. Now I have a sense of purpose and an entirely new outlook on life. I have a group of people with similar beliefs that I belong to.

Sometimes it doesn't feel good to have people suggest things to you when you're feeling isolated, anxious or depressed. I had to remind myself to remain teachable and also remember that maybe some of the people in my life knew better than me at a time when mentally I wasn't in the best place. Honestly, the advice of friends saved me and only added value to my life.

It's hard for us here on DS to try to help someone without knowing hardly anything about them. All we can do is share our own experiences of what worked for us....

God Bless

I don't see it as someone being smug. Quite the opposite.

It's like when someone says prayers being sent. I'm not religious in any way, shape, or form, but I see it as a kindness from someone who feels it works for them. It'd be smug of me to criticize their good intent, even if their particular method doesn't work for me. .

It depends on how much people know about someone else.

If I'm talking in person to someone, I can ask "what you you tried?" before just offering suggestions. But...that's not always an option.


On DS, sometimes I've posted random things that I later worried about...and then had the person think that my response was just the-best-thing-ever, and other times where my post was so well thought out...and then it came off (or got taken) totally differently.

***
And Mojo,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4nRIw_ATJA

I used to feel as you do. But in Real Life, I've had a few too many real people tell me that my infant kids were going to burn in hell. A particularly challenging moment, was having to explain to my 4 year old daughter that she wasn't a "witch".

Personally, I took anything...no matter how badly it hurt.
Now, I stand up...even if I will lose friends, because I'm making a better world for my atheist kids to live in.

If Christians ever are a minority (could happen), I'll probably be the one standing up and telling people that walking around saying "Rationality Rules" to everyone isn't very nice....even if their intentions are the absolute best.

Heheh. That was funny. Point taken. The south is a relatively small area in this whole wide world, so I don't think that's what most people mean, but I get the point.

I still don't mind if people say they'll pray for me. I mean, I'm agnostic, which to me means that I have no idea. There could be gods. I wouldn't bet on it, but who really knows? I don't know how anyone can be anything other than agnostic, to be honest. It's not like they possess some superpower that i do not.

I agree that genuine kindness and attempts to help are appreciated and I’m glad some of you found friends. I don’t think there are any real answers for me at this stage of my life. I’m sure there are for others here.

Man, you guys replied fast. I just came back to delete my post.

i certainly know loneliness. so much has happened in my life since mid-march 2019 i don't understand . i have felt lonely before but this is totally new to me, in addition to the other things, i am isolated to the degree there is no real human contact. i am blessed in one way because my niece has taken me in. she tries to understand and does what she can. my two oldest daughters, one lives only 45 minutes away and the other about an hour. they don't care. they have alienated me so much and i don't know why. i can't even get my oldest to simply talk to me.
my youngest daughter, she and i are a lot alike, she lives in idaho and would help me if she could. we don't talk much either.
it feels like my own kids simply don't want me around, as if i am a burden to them emotionally and otherwise. they have NO idea what severe depression can do to a human. it is their apathy which breaks my heart. my niece is more of a daughter than my own.
humans need other humans. we need to have relationships, intellectual and even intimate contact. i have none of that.
i look around me at these people and it's like i am living in an alien world. they all have friends, relationships and love. again, i have none of that.

i once read in a book which actually had some statics of people who died from a broken heart. it is possible for it to get so bad for a person, this can happen. there are two ways i see this...people die from a broken heart and people die (in so many different ways) from loneliness.

people who have never or probably will never experience this, they don't intentionally say stupid things, it just works out that way because they have no real concept of what makes an individual experience loneliness.

Oh Angel I’m sorry if my post seemed directed to you. I’m talking about my experiences in my world. You are doing good.

@Texas,

I just replied to you over on the Depression board...I think.

I'm divorced too, and my kids were mentally growing apart from their father. I have done a LOT to help keep his relationship alive with them.

But...no one does it for me. Now my relatiionship with the kids isn't bad (they're 17 and 19...still living with me)...but still.

But still when issues come up, which they always do because they're young kids...there's no one explaining to the kids ("your mom does this because of this....so let's be extra KIND to her today")

It's hard, it's just hard. Hard to put into words...that kind of hard. Heavy sigh. I am so, so, so, so sorry that you've got it so much worse than me.

Hugs

Hi, you're right. I keep hearing the same old thing too. I join lots of groups, but no on e seems interested in actually being a friend, they just want me as an acquaintance in a group. I have been friendless for a lot of my life,.. sometimes i have good acquaintances and an occasional friend, but it's so hard. Ive tried to analyze the problem all my life. My parents, also,had trouble making friends. I can't handle complexity,so maybe that bores people, and i have low energy as well. I do care about doing right in the world and try to be as pleasant as i can, though it just doesn't seem to be enough for most people. I don't know what to do. There are so many things I'd like to do on weekends, but its' hard to get motivated to do them all on my own, or spend a lot of time and effort to find an acquaintance to go with me. Loneliness is so f****n hard