try not be hard on yourself, its easy to do i know when feeling so down. alot of us have had our share of bad breaks and bad pple making things worse. but not everyone is that way. there are pple here that are caring and would be a friend to you. its not the same but having someone out there that asks if you are ok, cares when they dont hear from ya, it does help some .

depression is very difficult to treat in some cases. i dont respond well to meds either. maybe you need to find a new doc get a fresh evaluation. dont give up, i know its tough, but please keep trying. get some rest tonight.

Bethers, I'm in the same situation. For me it's in part because of family and friends' bigotry, stigma and fear because I suffer from mental illness (Bipolar, Panic and Anxiety, PTSD and I'm an 11 years sober alcoholic in AA). I am fully meds compliant and work at a rate of 100% on myself to improve. On ghe flipside I have asked family to stay away too because they have both mental illness and addiction but they won't enter treatment and I can't handle them like they are.

The standard answer to all this is to go and do activities and meet like-minded people but it's easier said than done. I'm on a Disability Pension (Australia) because of my illnesses and I try to do all sorts of things but have to withdraw because of continued relapse and that drops my self esteem down further and my confidence that all this will change in the future.

So, I really hear where you're at.

I had a change of meds, and doing little bit better. I would talk to the doctor if I was you. However, the loneliness, it is very much a part of my life. I have had a few say that I did this to myself. However, depression is not asked for, it is not wanted, and I don't really think I wanted the loneliness either. When I have bad days, I just naturally isolate myself. Now that I am not working it is really rough. I wish you the best, never know what to say because words are words, but friends, well, they are forever.

Bethers,
You can't blame yourself for someone else's caddish behavior. Right now, today, you are in much pain, but don't project that reality onto the rest of your life. If you can find the courage, to keep finding ways (small ways) to build your life back up again, with the proper treatment for the depression, you will be surprised how a tiny step forward you take now will positively impact your life later. It's like planting seeds, they don't all come up and most don't come up quickly, but some do when you're not even looking. As women, sometimes we invest a little too much into one person, which is easier than the hard, continual work of building and maintaining a solid, varied social structure, but high intensity attraction dissipates over time for most people. Even the highly social "popular" folks experience that. So using the advise of those wise "little piggies", build with many bricks, not just one "tent" and your world will withstand lots of different types of weather. Keep going.

i try to look at this phase in my life as a new chapter and it does'nt necessarily have to be a bad one. i recently lost (death) my best friend but in life is always full of challenges and i dont want to look at this phase of my life and make the same mistake of not enjoying the good espects of it i have alot to be grateful for and that is the few things that i can control is my perspectiv, and i choose to be happy and not lonely.

thankyou all...I am trying to do what I think I should to get through this. It just sucks cuz it takes time. My counselor gives me good suggestion to get out of this rut, but I just think they won't like me so I don't try any of it. That is partly why I came here. Funny cuz I even feel uncomfortable online. But it is a step I just need to work on changing my thinking, just a hard thing to do....

well that is so sad im here for the same thing so you arnt alone this is at least 2 of us

Dear Bethers. I read your entry with the realization that I was looking at me years earlier almost exactly. I say this to you with a spirit of love and from experience, but right now, you are really your own worst enemy. You begin your post with the first four words, I HATE my life, and your use of the word, Hate, is the operative word. It is written that the power of life and death are in the tongue, and saying that you hate something literally takes on a life of its own. You then mention of your depression that you, suffer, from it and that even the medication doesnt help. I dont suffer from depression. But I do have depression. It just doesnt have me. As helpful as it truly is, medication is not a cure-all for any mental illness of any form albeit depression, mania, or schizophrenia.

Medication is a tool and, combined with following the advice of a good therapist as another aid to treat depression, then both of them together are a cure. I would hope that you would consider behavioral therapy WITH medication. It is not my intention to preach to you or to wound your spirit because I have been where you are feeling so alone that I could also die. Butas painful as loneliness is for me right now where loneliness is more than just a state of mind, the concept of death to end such loneliness is an end concept for me personally. There are a thousand things that have to happen to me before I even consider ending my life, and I am only on number six! But I am also alone and I can presently relate to how painful it is, so chat with me or write me if you wish. We gone!!!

I do know the pain you speak of and am so sorry. Please know that this will not be your forever situation. As soon as you are feeling stronger, get out there and do things that you enjoy (even if you go solo). Be nice to everyone and be genuinely interested in them. To have a friend is to be a friend...those who have rejected you in the past aren't worth your time. But please do not think for a minute that you won't find friends in the future...just heal yourself and let go of the hurt and pain...and get out there and enjoy life...the right people will come into your life.

I am here if you ever need me...I so understand what you are going through and it is brutal. (((hugs)))

PS Don't let ANYONE steal your joy...remember that :)