Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
I recently moved to a new city... NYC to be specific. As expected, it's been a huge change and shift in my life. Being the new kid in such a huge city with millions of people has been exciting yet very lonely for the most part. I started living with my friend of 10 years, so in that regard I already knew someone. Most of the people in my life from acquaintances to known faces are friends of this person, therefore I truly don't feel like I've made true friendships with any of them. That's not a goal of mine, but as the days go by it amplifies this feeling of knowing for a fact that I have no friends of my own in this city. Now in July it'll be a year since I've been here. My work is great in the sense of having a steady income accompanied by having room to grow in the company. Funnily enough I'm the youngest in my office (I'm 30) and everyone is either married and/or older than me. There's no way I can establish a friendship with my coworkers outside of work given the huge differences from personalities and upbringings there are among us. In other words, I'm not living the "NY dream" of having a supple circle and people to be myself with. I feel lost in a way and having to turn to myself for the most part. I know it'll take from me to put myself out there more and socialize by going to events and such, but it is hard when you're constantly face with the fact of how behind you're in that department in your life. Failed relationships will forever haunt me, most of the time preventing me from making new connections, because at the end people are unreliable. I am AWARE that energy and spirit comes from within and I shouldn't need a support system from friends and connections to feel whole, but at the same time it would be nice to have that in my life. I truly do feel that human connection is an essecial part of feeling alive. As for now I'm new in this community seeking clarity and opinions and the comfort of knowing I'm not alone with these type of dilema and issue. Hugs and strength to everyone out there! Thank you for reading and forgive the scattered thoughts.
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
I agree that energy and spirit comes from within, and like you said friends and social connections are very important. It is the one aspect of my life I neglected for a long time thinking if I had everything else in order I would be fine. But that's just not how it works.
Big cities can be very lonely, and you don't get much bigger than NYC. But at the same time big cities have their advantages. There are plenty of people, events and opportunities to meet people. And the greatest thing is, if you don't like those people the city is so big you probably won't see them again and there are plenty more to chose from. Small town is less lonely but if the people there are bad, that's problematic.
You seem to have a good understanding of yourself and your goals. That will help. Moving to a new city is always unsettling at first, takes a while to find your feet. Once you are settled I'm sure you'll be able to make some progress with the social connections. Good luck.
I know what it's like, since I lived there. There are loads of talented and smart people living in the City. I think you should take a class or something on a hobby or an interest of yours, and once you start going to a class on a regular basis, then you'll bond with people. You could take a million classes or lectures, and you won't bond. You have to do something on a REGULAR basis, that's how you bond a make friends. The bonding is important. I live in Queens now, and I remember moving here years ago. I didn't know a soul in Queens. I got divorced and moved here. At that time "Parents Without Partners" were around, a group for divorced folks. I joined them, and I have to say, from that group I had made lifelong friends. It was because we all had similar problems, interests, children, etc. and we bonded right away. So try to take something up, it will work.
your story resonates with me. It's hard when you're introverted. I'm like you in that it requires an incredible amount of mental energy for me to go out and try to socialize with people. And then there's always that thing in the back of your mind that warns you about past failed relationships.
As a high school student, I moved from a foreign country back to the US. I often wonder if this is where my sense of isolation and alienation come from. Ever since that day, I have had a difficult time forming and keeping friendships and have largely lived a life of isolation.
Don't feel bad if you feel behind the curve on the social aspect of your life. I'm 35, and I have all but completely neglected this aspect of my life for many years. It is only in the last 2 years or so that I've come back around and decided I was fed up with the loneliness.
I agree with one of the other posters. I think you need to find some kind of consistent "social thing" that you do. That was, it kind of makes you commit to the event and in so doing, you will make acquaintances which may turn into lasting friendships at some point. I have done this in the past, and it does work. For me, it was while I was a college student, I formed friendships, but then as soon as I stopped going, I lost contact.
Hope you find what works for you and thanks so much for sharing.