I think what bothers me is when people tell you looks don't matter, but you know that they are not attracted to you because of how you look. If you had the exact same personality with the right kind of beauty, then you know they'd be interested. Looks shouldn't matter(other than taking care of oneself and making the most of what you've been given since we can't choose our apprearance), but they do. i wish people would be more honest though. Say it matters instead of saying it doesn't but only falling for certain types of people.

but, Myssunderstood, people are worried what others think. worried a lot. So they really do think that looks count, you're right. But if they said that, they're afraid you'll think they're shallow. People want to say nice little platitudes rather than a nasty bit of reality.
The world would be a better place if some people didn't send so many mixed messages. 80% of the people out there tell you something you want to hear rather than the nasty bad reality, friends do it, lovers do it, co-workers do it, NEARLY EVERYONE does it. & the path towards wisdom is to sort out the truth from the distortion.

I agree wtih john that hygeine is important.....
I also agree that a lot of "attractive" people have little "between the ears" and are dull conversationalists..

Tom B. aka Ihman

You're right Calvin. A lot of people do use meaningless platitudes. I make a conscious effort not to but am guilty of it at times. It's hard to tell the truth for some because they are scared of the reactions of others, you're right...but in the long run the pain of truth is better than the pain of lies...even though the lies feel better initially. As for the wisdom part; i still haven't figured how to sort it all out.

i think the bottom line is, you cant choose how you look. and unless you have a ton of money for plastic surgery, you cant change it. Everyone has something about their looks the wish they could change. The world does put SO much emphasis on physical appearance. Its on tv, in the movies, billboards etc. And yes in this world, looks do matter, to some people. superficial people. Only thing you can do is accept and love yourself as you are. work on things that build your self esteem and dont let what people say get to you. :)

Ask the person with over a few million bucks if looks matter :P

This is a good question. I agree with most here in that they are important but only initially then substance is what is truly important. I use to have a negative perception of beautiful people and thought they had it easy but it is not true some regardless of their attractiveness are insecure. beautiful people have it a bit easier but also harder some people are meaner to them because they have it better and some beautiful people are mean.
My point is it goes both ways and you can't use it as an excuse about your current relationship status. I was recently surrounded by beautiful people and they were very nice to me and went out of their way to be friendly. I changed my attitude and realized it is not just one way...I also noticed I judged people. Now I am with a guy most people would reject and he is the most amazing man ever.

Where I am from originally, LOOKS ATE EVERYTHING! Dating is a BEAUTY CONTEST! And it soes nor end at some special age!

I agree with reply #2 if she is just talking about working on your self-esteem, confidence and changiong your mind set, but if she was referrinbg to dating, she is either lying, in denial or is living in a dream world,,,,,and as much as guys lust after hot women, women lust after the best looking guys,,,,,

After several dates and beyond a young and immature age, personality comes into play but ones looks is your "ticket" to get into "the party'!

Women like to lie and use adjectives like "humor, loyalty, intelligence, sweeteness" and other qualities and then they walk off with a total dirtbag with none of those qwuliaities but he looks great! Hahahahaha,,,,,,,

I also find people date within their own socio-economic groups,,,,I have seen more cute females with total dorky looking guys with no $$$ up here in hillbilly NH,,,,unreal!

Women are just as shallow as men! No question!

Btw, how good looking are the women on Fox news, CNBC, MSNBC and your local news? Actresses? How come the women on the covers of all those mags are soooo hot? How come they only hire good looking women to be the legal or medical experts on news channels? How come there are so many good looking women in rich towns? How come so many females that work for sportys channels are goodlooking? Ever watch "Daancing with the Stars"? Babes galore!

Some one postede about rich men getting hot females,,,,that is ture sometimnes but how many guys are millionaires or are famous? COME ON! Be realistic!

Hahahahaha,,,,once again, dating = a beauty contest but that does not mean you cannot be happy by working on your self-esteem, confidence and how you think or look at the world,,,,,,is gets easier as you get older,,,,,,,

"LOOKS ATE EVERYTHING" I wrote,,,,hahahaha,,,,of course, I meant "LOOKS ARE EVERTHING",,,,,,there are always exceptions but I am going by the rule,,,,,,

Btw, whatever poster wrote it, it has ZERO to do with society! STUPID! As long as humans have existed, people are attracted to beautiful things; people, houses, landscapes, paintings, etc,,,,,,it is hardwired in us! We may have different tastes, but that is our goal,,,,,

I have worked on letting go of all this BS since I moved to a rural area where they are very few attractive people and people take much less care of their appearances and status does not exist,,,,

Although I am sure some diagree with me, I hope I did not depress anyone,,,,,:)

I know the feeling - and I think it is 10 time worse to be girl. And i completely understand the whole love somebody that doesn't love u back thing. It sucks, it all sucks. Personally though, I have a tendency to be attricated to personality. Rarely have I liked someone with meeting them and talking with and/or being friends with them first.
Personally, I just don't understand people. I have seen guys go out with a girl who I would not call attractive, she treats him like crap, yet he would still prefer her over me, why? I just don't get people and I really don't get relationships....

I disagree too - most people would say my husband is not that attractive, but to me, he is and he is the most wonderful husband in the world. I love him dearly because of who he is, and it is who he is that makes him so attractive to me. Were he a better looking man by societies standards, he probably would not be as kind and loving as he is. I'm no babe either, though admittedly I could be if I tried harder, and I did used to look better so potential is there, regardless he loves me whatever I look like. Friends, are true friends, not people just to party with, and in the end, living life naturally and as who I am works well.....it's easy to look at others and wish we had their life, but we never really know what is inside...

I've gone over many responses here and I'm frankly surprised by the well thought answers and degree of introspection in them. I will give you my two cents:

Looks Do Matter

There are always life situations (variables) that might modify the normal expectations (such as mutations do in normal Biology) but in general the above is true.

Think of it this way, in my opinion, Mental Conflicts, pathologies, etc are a result of the self aware, highly cognitive brain of Homo-Sapiens who, in a small handful of thousands of years seek to control and overcome the genetic memory imprinted upon our species over millions of years of evolution. It is unresolved conflicts between the "higher" mind and the basic instinct that cause problems, whereas when both happen to be in harmony, or accordance, there's no conflict to resolve, harmony and "flow" are achieved.

In the practical sense I've known many people, myself included, who would make friends with someone not quite up to your standards, or you"league" so to speak, and like them. But there's always that little needle in the back of your (or their) brain telling you "I can do better than this." The basic need to perpetuate and improve upon the species will look for the more favorable mate to achieve that with, leading to the desire of youth, which beauty is often attached with, or wealth, and such things).

I have been the victim of this situation as well as victimizer. Knowing this girl and I get along splendidly, I understand her better than any other guy would, we share all sorts of secrets, I know she likes me ....but I know for a fact she does not find me physically appealing, and it's something she simply cannot help, it just is. And I've been guilty (and felt guilty) for manifesting the same behavior with other women over the course of my life.

This is no rule of course, and happily, exceptions do happen, but they are usually attached to situations where that person and you are joined in one common cause that hold you close together and bring you - in a sense- to that - harmony: a job you share in common that the average person does not understand, but you can understand each other in your common understanding and love of that job, or perhaps a passionate political cause, etc.

That gives you the opportunity to get to know each other in deeper and more meaningful ways, and get past the LITMUS TEST of physical attractiveness and go straight into the emotional compatibility and such.

Do more attractive people have it easier in their youth? Well why not? Put yourself in their shoes. With little effort people naturally want to be in your company, reassure you of your self-value, heck, even bend the rules a little for you, and it's been that way since you were little? You'd grow to adapt to peoples response to your appearance. It's natural. Same as someone who did not quite hit the jackpot in the looks department will usually, since childhood, have a bit of a harder time. There are always modifiers to this rough sketch I just gave you, like upbringing, your neighborhood and environment, etc. But bringing it to the bare bones, I think my conclusions are pretty much on the mark.
Feel free to disagree with me, but make sure you understand every word of what I've tried to say before you do so. My 2 cents.

In the United States they matter big time. Find one female human in Pueblo Colorado that will not fuck me over and will actually be a real friend and not a source of excuses and we'll start talking about the first sentence. Until then I have had nothing but proof that American Women want nothing more then a good looking guy with money!

@ Reply 28; you should travel overseas more often and for longer periods buddy. People are people. You just vented your own personal frustration in an amusingly short-sighted way. I'm no religious guy, but this parable is as true today as when it was first said: "whoever is free of sin, feel free to throw the first rock." If you spend some time being sincere with yourself you'll probably change your views on "American Women"

I read something kind of weird last week. It said, "When you are 40, you get the face you deserve." Interesting......but not sure it makes a whole lot of sense.........