Loneliness Support Group

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Learning how to trust again?

rj84
rj84

Hi all,



Over the past year, things have been a little difficult with my friends. I've ended several long-term friendships over trust issues. I won't go into a long story here, but what happened was enough to get me to stop trusting these people and, in turn, end the friendships. Without trust, a friendship is nonexistent, in my eyes at least. My trust has been so badly shaken that I'm questioning whether or not it is possible to trust anyone to the point where I feel comfortable building a strong friendship with them.



I'm quiet as it is, and I have always found it difficult to make good friend. I live away from my two best friends, and I've pretty much lost all the local ones I had. I don't need a lot of friends in my life, but one good friend here is better than none, of course. I'm just afraid that my inability to trust will hold me back. Has anyone been in a similar situation. Any stories/advice is much appreciated.

imiru
imiru
I'm in the same boat as you, I had to end a 10 year friendship because they crossed the line one too many times and would guilt trip me into believing it was my fault. Theres nothing wrong with being careful about who you trust, just dont let it turn into paranoia. I know it hard but its ok to give people the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.
And on the plus side, now you have experience and know what kind of people and signs to look out for in the future. Its always best to let people have a chance with your trust to prove if they are good enough to stay friends with. Just let people know about your boundaries ahead of time, you dont have to give a lot of details if you dont want to, and then go at your own pace.
Calebb
Calebb
Hmm, I've sometimes been into ending friendships -- when I deserved better friends.

But then knew I'd be isolated awhile until finding some better replacements.

A certain person I know can play fast and easy with truth. This person has several good friends; and they don't notice. But I'm this person's brother. A bubble of trust has been burst. Of the trust between us. Am no longer comfortable in this person's presence.

Maybe I'm saying hold out for a few persons, RJ, who deserve you.
☺
lucillegem
lucillegem
Yes, your not alone.. it took me 2 years to get back on my feet. I mean the whole thing with trust is that it should be a two way street. I've had my share of drama, and letting go of people... it sucks. I asked someone when I was also questioning the exact same thing you are, How can I ever trust again? after all the hurt :/ and he simply said "the only way to trust, is to just trust" It is in fact taking a risk and believing that out there, there are good people, people who will celebrate you not just tolerate you... its a tough road, and yeah there will be times when we dont know if you can trust someone... For me, I have to get that "click"/vibe.. I am picky, but I try to give people a chance! I know right now, after everything, its hard to think that way. Id say... let yourself heal. Dont worry so much about "trusting" others, see if you can trust yourself. I know, easier said than done, give it time... I hope you dont become bitter, I dont think you are, although your feelings are valid, dont let anyone tell you otherwise! Hope this helps :) warm hugs.
annettearizona
annettearizona
The few friendships I have had in person over the years the people turned out just using me to get what they want-so that could be why my true friendships have been online and have lasted MANY MANY years :)