Sorry this is happening in your life. At least you didnt turn into drug circles of friends as I did.
I burned my life to the ground so much that its pretty barren still. I am sorry there is speech problems to interfere with judgemental people. I must say though if you had lisp and were a guy its much more bullying you end up enduring in my thinking.
Anyway the guy your sleeping with needs to get his head right. He is lucky to have someone who is there too, not just you.

. I know it's not the same but you can make alot of friends online. Writing to penpals is a great way to occupy your time and to develop new friendships.

Also be your own best friend. I have lived alone since my divorce 5 years ago and I talk to myself alot. Believe me it helps.

God Bless

I echo that bobinmaine. I just do things alone now & talk to people while out. movie lines, shopping, etc. we are here if you need us!

You can come here to share feelings and know there are people that understand

That need to belong somewhere or to someone is a powerful feeling. Humans are social creatures but things happen in our lives and we can find ourselves alone. I currently don’t have the security of belonging either so I understand how you’ve ended up with this man in your life. I’ve done it too, stayed in relationships that were not fulfilling or healthy, thinking it was preferable to being alone. Don’t feel it’s pathetic, sometimes we take comfort where we can find it, but it could be more damaging.
Are you in love with him? Is there potential for real friendship/relationship It doesn’t sound that way. Ask yourself: On balance, does being with him make you feel better or worse?
You haven’t said whether you work. Working at least gives purpose and you’ll meet some people through necessity. They may turn out to be friends or not, but you would be part of something.
Try to keep busy to avoid focusing on negative feelings. . I hope you’ll find the ‘belonging’ you desire sometime soon.

I was extremely shy all my life. I didn't have friends in high school and
college. Or after college. I was very lonely. Sometimes I would walk around
The shopping center just to be around people. I had a therapist that put me
in group therapy. That helped a bit. She also encouraged me to start going
to single groups. That socialize together. I took International Folk Dancing
class. An aerobics class. Adult evening classes are a possibility. Volunteering
is a way to meet people. You are not there only to meet people but do something you care about. The classes also your reason to be there is to learn something and secondarily try to make a friend. At least you will be around
people and not alone.

Darkmist, I hear you. We all have similar problems like yours. I too am alone and to avoid being alone, years ago I went from man to man, and it got me nowhere but pain. Please try to avoid this happening to you. If you do this with this guy for a while, it will really bother you as time goes on. Try to break this pattern. Instead, like everyone is advising you, keep busy, go outside of your apartment if you stay in all the time it will be a lot worse. You can talk to people outside, even if it's just small talk. Take a class. Volunteer. Do something, don't stay in this rut.

I get it.

thank you to everyone that replied to my post. I won't promise anything, but I am looking into group therapy.

I used to get terrible stomach aches from social anxiety I’ve gotten better as I get older but they are awful. I find what helps is a email buddy or text buddy. Don’t be too hard on yourself everyone needs closeness from time to time. Do you have a pet? They can be really good company.