everyone has their views of life and if ppl dont like what others do or think then its their problem. its best to be urself and truthful and if others dont like it then its not ur fault its theirs. true friends will support u even if they would like kids themselfs, it shouldnt stop them from supporting u and been a good friend to u.

Honestly, that's not a reason for someone to no longer be your friend. Some people want kids, some don't. Look at all the kids in orphanages, group homes, foster care system.. Like the world really needs more kids!

Personally, I would love to have a child. But I don't get mad at those who don't. I only tend to get mad at those who already have kids and resent, regret, neglect, or just doesn't appreciate their kids.

Even then, I remain friends with them. I just try to encourage them to appreciate what they have because not all people are so lucky to get what they want out of life. We all tend to take what we do have for granted to pine for that which we don't have.

Anyways.. "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"

Hi flyorra: Let me have you look at this from another way. My son and his girlfriend do not have children, do not want children and do not plan on having children. In this world, they decided not to bring children into it. Nobody cares about it and no one bothers them about it.

Now on to you. If you are meeting people and it's the constant subject you are bringing up, and I strongly suspect you are going on and on about it as you're brought it up again here and elaborated, people are going to see you dwell on it so much and how intense you feel and get the impression there's more to it than not wanting children and that you possibly hate children and more.

That opens up a whole different Pandora's box that you don't want. You don't want people to start backing off from you because they are suspicious of you and wonder all sorts of things. You said you get dumped and apparently have lost friends over YOU TALKING ABOUT CHILDREN has to stop. It will bite you back in time to come. You must have other subjects to talk about and children should be off limits to you.

If you continue, you probably have and will have people spooked. Then if a child is missing and the police are asking around, someone could bring up your name and what you have said about children. Suddenly you look like a child hater and a potential person in interest to the police. Try explaining to them you didn't mean what you said to all those people.

So new rules: (1) You don't discuss children with others; (2) if anyone asks you if you want to have children--you say "NO" and you nothing more and don't explain; (3) you then remark on how beautiful the sky is or how lovely the artwork is in the place where you are and that is a diversion tactic; (4) you do not discuss children further. take care and hugs.

Having children is a huge thing and recognizing that you aren't ready is good. No one should pressure you into that. So for what it's worth, I say, "Good for you!" for you decision.

I have to agree with everyone else, if your friend doesn't see it that way and wants to force you into something you aren't ready for, then from this POV things are probably better for you this way.

Hang in there - Sam

Flyorra,
I admire your openness on the idea of children. I have also made the decision that I will not bring a life into this world, although for different reasons than you list above. There is no bigger decision in this world than having children. Unfortunately not everyone takes that as seriously as you do. If they did, there would not be over 7 billion people on this planet, many of whom should not be allowed to be parents. Try adopting a dog or cat at a local animal shelter and you would have to fill out more paperwork than a potential parent would. Something is not right with that.

I would just question how soon after meeting someone new that you bring this topic up. A common mistake some socially awkward people make is telling too much too soon. Get to know someone first because you get that deep, just a suggestion.

Best wishes.

Little harsh there, Turning..

What she said about kids is true, and you are correct that these same traits are found in human beings of all age groups. I'm feeling some "argument" and "naughty things" happening with your reply.

She has every right to dislike children. It's not as if she's demanding other people not have kids or she's running around punching random children in the face.

Maybe you dislike puppies or spiders or lice. I can guarantee you that there's plenty of people out there who are lice enthusiasts. It doesn't mean you have to be one too. Respecting another person's feelings doesn't mean feeling that way too or even fully understanding it, it just means accepting that person for who they are. Disliking children is not hurting you, anyone you love, or any children in this world.

Don't take it so personally.

Children test your limits. What they do is gaging what they can do and "get away" with and thats why its the responsibility of a parent to parent them. I did not want to be a parent for a long time. I was not ready for the responsibility. Maybe you will never have kids and this is your perogative and it is true that more people should be more careful when bringing children into the world. But we are not in China so we cannot dictate this.

Ill be your friend I don't want kids either.

i said i have plenty of other reasons, just recently i babysitted and noticed things in the 8 year old, i have a 16 year old brother too, that means i know kids, and i like kids. i never said i hated them or anyone. i don't bring the topic up, but because it is such a huge part of my identity it just comes up in conversations constantly. also kids become adults, how many crooks are there in the world, how many hungry, homeless, the list goes on, do i want to add to that? no. what are the chances that the child will be perfect, close to none, yeah..so i don't have a good reason to bring more imperfection into the world when i am not willing to invest the time and energy in raising another human being, in an already corrupted world. yadda yadda yaddda, i could go on and on. i did not say parents are sick, i said i have seen and heard, and talked to people who are terminally sick, the doctors suggest they don't have children because they are physically ill, m.s. what not, they are practically on the fringe of death...and all they can think about is having a child, and they do. that is what i said is something i frown upon, there are more important things that bringing a child into the world, especially when you or your spouse are in a wheelchair dying of some terminal illness. seriously. i don't judge them, but if that were me, i would sit there with the illness and think to myself, this is evidence enough not to have children, all the pain and hunger and homelessness, and addictions, are evidence enough to encourage anyone in their right mind to at least consider not to have children, i don't say encourage having children, i say at least society should say to people "think twice", but is never going to happen. do we ever hear anyone say "my greatest accomplishment is not having children"? no, and we never will. do we ever hear people say "my gift to the planet is not having children"? no. but i say these things, and people attack me, they think i am some kind of serial killer, wanting to kill children, they are the paranoid one's jumping to conclusions. really, seriously.

You make some great points. I see you as someone who really thinks things through, good for you. This world would be a better place if more people took having kids as seriously as you do.

I think we're brainwashed by society that "everyone must love all of the children!" and the only people who don't love kids are predators, murderers, and cranky old people. Most people have a knee-jerk reaction to someone saying they dislike children or don't want children.

I, too, wish more people would weigh things logically before deciding whether or not to have kids. Look at all of us here; We're lonely and a lot of people don't have the support of their own parents. If those parents had thought about how emotionally supportive they could be to their child before having them, maybe there would be so much less lonely people around here.

let me give an example. i babysitted my friends 8 year old as a favor, the kid stole my bank card while i was asleep and bought nintendo games. she does things like this alot, it's not the first time. i cancelled my bank card on monday, and today it was seen on my bank statements that it was for nintendoDS, and there were other clues she did this. her mother is going to reimburse me, luckily i do internet banking everyday, i have a virtual account where i keep most of my money, i only keep a little in my bank card. other than that, she would not eat the food her mother told her to, she made me buy her sweets from the store, donuts, drinks, and other food. i got fully owned by that kid. not because i don't like kids, i am now aware they are not so innocent afterall. now i have no bank card, have to wait. i go through this, some parents their kids steal 1000's for these games. who's fault is it? that child lied, she said the games she found them for free. we can't think of them as innocent or else we will get done by.

Hey flyorra. I am 24 and never had a relationship and have no desire to.have children. I can relate. I love my freedom.

Hi flyorra: You have to take some responsibility too for what happened when you babysat the 8 year old. You're an adult and you have to step up when you babysit.

If you knew before that the child did things, then you refuse to babysit. Otherwise, if you do decide to babysit, you don't go to sleep, you lock up your pocketbook, and you don't buy sweets and things that the Mom didn't bring. The child eats what the Mom brings and that's final. The child doesn't rule your household.

You put down rules and boundaries for your home for both adults and kids. If you're going to take this kid, this kid has to obey the rules and boundaries or you call the Mom's cell to come get the kid and you then don't take the kid ever again.

I believe children need to be educated, nurtured, and cared for. I believe most are innocent. I know they are our future. But I'm also not naive enough to think all children are innocent or kind.

You can't deny there are some horrible children out there in this world. I've been called a bitch by a 6 year old before. They aren't all innocent angels..

Most times the parents are to blame for badly behaved, spoiled children. Other times, no matter what the parent does, people grow up to be sociopaths because it was just always a part of them. It's the age old nurture vs. nature debate. Which I, honestly, think we are all built up from a little of both.

That said, disliking children doesn't equal hating children. You can not like something without feeling hate and malice towards it. She babysits kids. Someone who truly hated children wouldn't babysit them and, if they did, the parents would notice their kids being abused or neglected and she wouldn't have a job for very long. No, she simply doesn't like those children with bad attitudes and ones who steal her bank card.

I've felt this way for most of my life; I disliked children. I would say that after they learn to talk, it's all downhill from there. But it doesn't mean I hate children either. I feel for the lost ones and the unwanted ones. If I was rich, I would adopt as many children from group homes and orphanages that I possibly could! I believe the children in our nation should come first. But that doesn't mean I have to be BFF with the kid who kicks me in the shin or the kids who murder their parents or the kid who steals money.

And I also believe not everyone SHOULD have kids. Just because they want them. Because that's why we end up with so many kids in group homes and foster care being tossed around from home to home like garbage. Because someone decided to have a kid then was unable and/or unwilling to love it. Not everyone is as lucky as you are to have loving parents. How many children have died because their parents were selfish in deciding they wanted to create a life they could not care for? Or to use as a pawn to make the father not leave? Do you not see the news about recklessness parents who endanger or get their children killed? Common sense says these people should have thought twice about having a child.