Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
I'm not sure where to begin. First of all, this is going to sound negative (but there's a reason). I despise the month of Christmas. Bad memories (father passed away a week before Christmas in 2003) are brought back in my mind every year, but this year it's been worse so far, only three days into the said month.
This is going to be the first Christmas of my life that I'll be by myself. Both my parents are deceased (as mentioned above, dad in 2003 and mom in 2009), and I practically have nothing to do with my family (or vice versa).
The last few years, since 2009, I had been a relationship (lasted five years). She (girlfriend... now ex) and I broke up early December last year, but we kinda kept seeing each other through Christmas (bad decision). That was it, though. The last time we ever had any contact was in February, and it didn't end well.
The relatives that I last had contact with are my cousins and my aunt. They live in a different state than me. My aunt used to live here, but she moved there. I have never had any desire to move because this is my home, and home is home. I've tried contacting them over the last year and a half, relentlessly, but they either don't answer or rush to get off the phone. They are never ones to initiate contact. I feel like when I do reach out, I'm pushed away. I talked to my aunt on the phone a week ago. She knows I'm alone, with practically nobody... she spoke of their Christmas plans. I was not invited, and I refuse to intrude.
Thanksgiving was good. My best friend came over -- we watched football and cooked up our own feast. It was a good day, I have to say.
Christmas will be a completely different story. He's going on a trip with his fiancee. My two other close friends will be with their families.
I made the mistake of checking my ex-girlfriend's Facebook last night. She's with somebody else. Seeing that ripped me to shreds, and yes, I cried my eyes out, because deep down I will always love her with every ounce of my being. It's painful to see somebody that you were in an exclusive relationship for five years with be with someone else. Words cannot explain.
So here I am, looking for some kind of support, inspiration or motivation to still find a way to enjoy the month of December and Christmas.
I should have mentioned it earlier, but I'm 21 years old. I guess I had to grow up and mature quickly at an early age. I don't much feel like an adult even though I have my own place, bills, responsibilities, etc. I still feel like a kid inside... maybe it's because I wasn't able to truly finish those years. I don't know. Loved my childhood, but everything following the age of 12 has been underwhelming although I've never lacked confidence until now, and now my confidence is at an all-time low. I miss both my parents. My dad was my hero (still is), and my mom was a gentle soul. I think about them every day. I also think about my ex every day. I wish my aunt and cousins wanted me in their life or thought about me for Christmas. I love feeling needed and wanted, and I haven't felt those feelings in forever.
Is there anybody else in this predicament? My sense of worth and confidence is at an all-time low.
This is going to be the first Christmas of my life that I'll be by myself. Both my parents are deceased (as mentioned above, dad in 2003 and mom in 2009), and I practically have nothing to do with my family (or vice versa).
The last few years, since 2009, I had been a relationship (lasted five years). She (girlfriend... now ex) and I broke up early December last year, but we kinda kept seeing each other through Christmas (bad decision). That was it, though. The last time we ever had any contact was in February, and it didn't end well.
The relatives that I last had contact with are my cousins and my aunt. They live in a different state than me. My aunt used to live here, but she moved there. I have never had any desire to move because this is my home, and home is home. I've tried contacting them over the last year and a half, relentlessly, but they either don't answer or rush to get off the phone. They are never ones to initiate contact. I feel like when I do reach out, I'm pushed away. I talked to my aunt on the phone a week ago. She knows I'm alone, with practically nobody... she spoke of their Christmas plans. I was not invited, and I refuse to intrude.
Thanksgiving was good. My best friend came over -- we watched football and cooked up our own feast. It was a good day, I have to say.
Christmas will be a completely different story. He's going on a trip with his fiancee. My two other close friends will be with their families.
I made the mistake of checking my ex-girlfriend's Facebook last night. She's with somebody else. Seeing that ripped me to shreds, and yes, I cried my eyes out, because deep down I will always love her with every ounce of my being. It's painful to see somebody that you were in an exclusive relationship for five years with be with someone else. Words cannot explain.
So here I am, looking for some kind of support, inspiration or motivation to still find a way to enjoy the month of December and Christmas.
I should have mentioned it earlier, but I'm 21 years old. I guess I had to grow up and mature quickly at an early age. I don't much feel like an adult even though I have my own place, bills, responsibilities, etc. I still feel like a kid inside... maybe it's because I wasn't able to truly finish those years. I don't know. Loved my childhood, but everything following the age of 12 has been underwhelming although I've never lacked confidence until now, and now my confidence is at an all-time low. I miss both my parents. My dad was my hero (still is), and my mom was a gentle soul. I think about them every day. I also think about my ex every day. I wish my aunt and cousins wanted me in their life or thought about me for Christmas. I love feeling needed and wanted, and I haven't felt those feelings in forever.
Is there anybody else in this predicament? My sense of worth and confidence is at an all-time low.
A pet can be a real blessing; I know my cat is. Try putting your feelings in writing, this has been really helpful to me and you may well find there are a lot of us out here.
You can lie before hand and say plans are in the air..but afterwards I tell the truth and let them deal with it. No one wants to be with you if you are miserable.. but I never am.
This year is especially hard. I started in Mach..posted on CL to find a female friend my age, to walk, talk with, etc. and let it develop, met 5, 3 fell out over small things ( like not wanting to see the same movie, how trivial is that to drop someone? they were not serious to invest in friendship anyway) and the remaining new friend I have I bent over backwards for...she has limits on health, time, noise, etc. I asked her for Thanksgiving supper...but she had plans.. she went to a freinds, didnt think to ask me along, or even to come for dessert. Hoping she'd invite me for Christmas..I hinted a little, she knows I'm alone.
Today she emails and says she's "having a quiet dinner with sparkling wine" with a neighborhood lady... do you think she invited me?no. That sticks in my craw..and hurts. So I am just sick of people right now, it does get harder as you age to find friends, even people you can tolerate to be around...let alone take a trip to Europe with. I have invited several neighbors over the years--most dropped out with some lame excuse, people really are not connected much.
I did find a church recently, simple place, with lively, kind hearted people, and I will start again finding some peace through words and verse. Never thought I'd turn to a church, always kept it very personal with God.
I keep trying, but my NY resolution will be to not accept crumbs of friendship.. if they don't fit well.. I am only going half way. Friendship is RECIPROCAL...anyone who keeps giving too much is only asking for trouble, and to have their heart trampled on.
My mom used to invite the new widow lady, a person stranded in town from the blizzard, and they always came to our table in a poor little coal mining town..today people just don't bother to think at all.. a real negative for culture.
Even the "dinner for singles over 40" etc. events seem sorta sad.. forced, something feels lost.
I guess my only advice is you can't MAKE something happen, now that i've tried that I see...I am just going to be open to LET somethng happen and see what comes...can;' be any worse or any lonelier.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this all alone. Lonliness is like a prison cell at times, but I assure you that it will come to pass. You have had a horrible string of luck and it is bound to get better.
One thing I should say is that looking up romantic interests on Facebook is always a horrible idea. I have learned the hard way that if you feel the need to look up someone romantically on Facebook then you will almost not like what you see. I wish they would shut the %#*& thing down. I feel your pain.
The only thing you can do is to do something different than you normally would if that's at all an option. If there's anywhere at all that you can go you have to get out of the house. Go to Walmart and window shop if you have to when they open. Go to the park and just walk. Anything you can do to change the scenery.
Start planning the future. It is going to come soon and you will not always feel this way. You have the rest of your life to decide what you want it to be, make it a grand one.
Stay strong my friend.
for all of us who are hurting this day, eat your favorite food, take a healthy nap, and tomorrow is coming soon, fresh with promise of better things...
I have just spent Christmas alone In Australia,alienated from family after a quite terrible childhood and finding it hard to make decent friends very far from where I was born. But guess what? I survived the day and will survive the next one. You will too, Peace and love to you.