Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
My life in the past 3 years is a series of one bad thing after another.
On what should have been one of the proudest nights of my life, when my oldest daughter graduated post secondary school, I was informed by my dad that my mom was going to be tested as her memory was not what it once was. 6 months later she was diagnosed with dementia. 18 months after that she would be dead.
The pandemic struck in March 2020 and my workplace lost half its staff, including everyone in my department but me. Just after some of them were hired back my girlfriend and I broke up. 5 days after that my dog died.
Due to financial troubles I had to put my house up for sale. Not one offer in 9 months, even after reducing the price. I wound up having to default on the mortgage and enter a consumer proposal, which in my country is similar to bankruptcy except you can keep your assets, unless they are included in the proposal.
This in turn meant I had to move, which because I was going from house to apartment meant I had to seriously downsize. This meant getting rid of items that had personal meaning (I have been a widower since 2010).
And one of the few friends I had (when you are widowed you first lose your married friends and then when your kids grow up you lose their parents as friends), who wanted to make our friendship a relationship, and to whom I said I wasn't ready and needed for things to settle down before I would be, chose to start seeing someone else...and led me on to believe she'd wait for me.
It was after this happened that the loneliness kicked in. My other daughter lives with me, I do have two dogs, I have been in counseling since last fall and my family gives me their support...but I realized the other day the amount of times I have touched, or been touched by, another human being in the past 2 years I can count on one hand. And there is no substitute for that. Soul crushing is the term I use.
Covid restrictions are being eased but I don't have the money to do things like dance classes, or go to bars or anything that requires fees or admissions cost. I've tried online dating. Refer to the train wreck above for how well that worked.
At this point I am absolutely out of ideas to try to shake the loneliness. I tried going for a long walk...all that got me was tired. Anybody have any suggestions?
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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Does anyone follow her? She's really got some good tips.
Have you done any depression screenings with your therapist? If you are not being screened each therapist meeting for depression, ask about this or do an online depression screening. Bring it up to the therapist if you feel depressed. You may need medication.
I don't know what POF is but I want to recommend the public library to you. I was going to recommend the same book as Greeneyes, but there are many others about coping after loss. Life is often hard, no one has a perfect life. We often compare ourselves to others. We have no idea what loss or bad they have in their own lives so comparing only tortures ourselves. I would also encourage you to read books from the library and see if they have in person or online book clubs. Join a bunch, read a bunch. Reading makes me less depressed as it gets my mind of myself and thinking about the topic of the book or the characters. I like to read biographies about people who had struggles in their lives, it makes me realize my life is not so terrible really.
I also recommend what we call in the USA "recreation centers" that are run by a non-profit like the YMCA or the county or city government. You can get very cheap work out services there, often income based. Start to exercise. Or just walk daily, every day, and get outside. It is good to tire yourself out by walking, this is good for the depression and the deep grief. While you are walking, start to observe al around you instead of thinking of yourself. Notice the trees, birds, houses, grass. Pay attention to the world, this will help you also get out of your own head. That is the whole key, getting out of our heads and being able to change our perspective and learn coping skills. Life is hard, life is difficult, but life also has joy if we look for it, and life has beauty if we look for it. You are worth seeking out these coping skills and being patient with yourself as you create a new life. Maybe consider that you are creating a new life, and thinking of this as a happy thing rather than focused on the losses. But you have to feel the loss and the grief of everything before you can switch over to more positive perspectives. Buried feelings don't heal. Wishing you the best.
1. Do you want to be popular because its a mixed bag. I watch my family member spend an hour choosing a movie, and choosing an event can be time=consuming if many people have to agree. But assuming you want popularity, consider
2. Be a good listener Learn what other people like and ask about their hobbies, work, or other things. Try to remember things about ask person and ask later.
3. Smile Smile and laugh.
4. Dress well As you finances permit.
5. Don't take offense People can have various reasons for things. We had close friends who canceled 3 or 4 times on us, and we became angry and disappointed. I now realize she was likely having problems with depression and anxiety for I can see the same behavior in my wife. Don't be too quick to attribute bad motives.