I am sick of living for other people. I am sick of being made to feel as if I have to be a certain way, act the way they want, live as they think I should, bla, bla, bla. I find that I must lie to some, in order to make them feel better about me, rather then just being me and accepted for it. The people who claim to "care" are never around to be supportive and the "friends" I have on here don't "know" me really. So here is the sorted truth: I have S.P.D. and a heart problem. Therefor, I will NEVER work or be physically involved in aviation (the great passion of my life.) again, EVER! That in and of itself depresses me, but I am also very lonely and very much alone. My "family are either dead or self absorbed assholes. A woman I loved with all my heart is dying from M.S. and needs 24 hour a day care. I tried my best to care for her, but I am not a nurse, nor did I have any support network by way of her family or anyone I know. Then she ended up in a nursing home, which broke my heart and know one cared that I hurt. I also take care of an old man with mental issues and he needs 24 attention and again, I have no support network. Last year, I had a minor heart attack and I called a "friend" from the hospital to help me. She had the gall to get pissed off because I called her on her day off! WTF? Then, my first night in the hospital, the woman with M.S. wanted to have phone sex, while I was in I.C.U.!!!! So, I go home, thinking maybe this will make things better if the people around me see I need a hand from time to time. NOPE!!! The lawyers who pay me to look after the old guy, demand even more from now. Do I get days off? NO. Do I get a wage incress? NO! Yet if I open my mouth to complain......I am the bad guy!!! The girl with M.S. abandons me for who knows why and I am left alone. I have been depressed and damn near catatonic since January and know one seems to give a flying fuck! WTF am I suppose to do?