It make sense to me. I am 48, I have been divorced twice and been through enough relationships to know I am better off on my own. I have decided at this point to spend time on other things such as artwork, crafts, classes and if I get a chance even to travel a little.
I think it is natural to feel like there is something missing. Our society dictates that "normal" people should be married and have 2 kids.
Apparently, I don't fit that mold, but I have a good career. I have also decided to stop caring what people think. There is nothing worse than that look people give you..poor pathetic single woman with no kids. Whatever, I might actually be happier than they are.
The only time it is hard is when I am sick and need help, but I have learned to ask if I need things.

I would back up and say given you are 32, it might be way to early for you to give up. I should have read your bio first.
Believe it or not you are still quite young. I wouldn't give up quite yet, I would definitely work on the shyness w/counseling.

When you're young, it is much more difficult to be alone. I don't like the word "lonely". because I think it nearly always means
vulnerable, too, and most people are way too crappy to risk being vulnerable around.

For females, the whole "biological clock" thing puts tremendous pressure on them to find Mr. Right, in their 30s or sooner, but guys at least don't have to worry about.that.

The "I don't want anyone" will disappear when the right person comes along - if that still happens to people. Meeting new people has become nearly impossible with everyone plugged in every second, and neurotically living the next moment, rather than the one they're in.

You're a youngish male. The world is your oyster. Really.

Thank you both for your kind replies, you have given me something to think about.

think of the priest or nun...they are meant to be alone....but then the catholic church has been rocked by abusive men in the cloth of celeb-icy and I know that there are nuns who leave the convent because I dated one.....so the sword cuts both ways....

I think it is just a matter of learning to enjoy yourself. Being happy with you makes you a better person whether you are with someone or not. So yes, you can accept being alone just don't close the door to love.

Some people choose to not be in a romantic relationship, but choose to get their sexual needs met via a Friends With Benefits type of relationship. Many men seem to like this and find it less stressful. I've thought about it, but don't know that I could do something like that.

I think the answer is going to vary depending on the person. If you are a person who needs, values touch, then being alone can be most difficult (as it is for me), but if you can take it or leave it or have a low libido, then being alone might not be so difficult.

Well, the word hermit exists.

I would never accept loneliness unless I was the last person on Earth.

Hi Justin, I also don't want to want anyone. To be honest, I think this is a self protect strategy though. In my life I can only rely on myself and I feel as though if I let somebody in, it's like I'm giving them a chance to let me down. Maybe it sounds like a negative outlook, but I think it's very sensible specially when you look at the stats on divorce etc.
It's all about finding someone that's worth the chance. And you're taking a chance by giving them one... I don't necessarily intend to be single for the rest of my life, I've just not found someone that's worth the chance yet.
As long as you make out like you're willing to play the game, you should get more options.
It's better to have options than not have them in my opinion. At least you've got the right to say 'no thanks'.
Personally I'm not willing to bend to other ppls rules and conditions unless they're willing to bend to mine also. I truly believe in a level playing field.
Rather than trust a stranger with something big, trust them with something small, but dress it up like it's big/important.
You'll soon realise whose really worth the chance.
Peace

There are days when I am glad I am not in a relationship but there are some days too that I wish I was in one. But I have stopped looking. It depresses me not finding anyone. So I just went ahead and stopped and started focusing on myself. This doesn't mean I have closed that door to relationships. I just don't want to worry myself about something I have no control of. If someone finds me, that would be great. If not, it's still fine. Our happiness is up to us entirely.

I am new here and this is a good topic. I look at this 2 ways--being romantically alone and just al alone. I am not dating right now and wish that I did and I have no friends, It is easier for me to accept being romanitically alone then having no friends. I am struggling soo much right now of having no friends. Its a saturday night and home alone once again and want to sit in the corner and cry. People say they are my friends but never call me--I do all of the calling.


how does one handle this.


ladydi1961

HI, I was looking for a support group for people who feel alone. I am so glad that I have found this.. I hate that knawing feeling in the pit of my stomach and the aches of loneliness. I have gone through a pretty rough time. My whole life changed.
I have never been married and have no children.
I have two, strong feelings about this.
1) I never wanted to be married for the sake of being married. And, I never wanted to have children (my personal option) because, quite honestly, I felt like I would lose myself and my freedom to do as I please, feeling trapped..I will say that though I get lonely, very lonely at times, I'm grateful I am not in a situation that I can not get out of. Being single, I can.

I must put myself out there though.
it's interesting to me how some people who are single get so involved in things.. They have lots of friends, travel etc..
I'm not an assertive person and I often find it hard to relate to others. With that, I think I need to push myself more. Sometimes, I feel it's the area that I live in and I should move somewhere else. I'm tired of rude people who just don't give a (you know what).. It's sad how self centered the world has become. Ugh. Well, that's me for today. Thanks for listening. So glad I found this. I am comforted ot know I am not alone in these feelings that sometimes swallow me whole.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/culturebox/2012/08/being_single_and_being_lonely_are_not_the_same_thing_an_excerpt_from_michael_cobb_s_single_arguments_for_the_uncoupled_.html

I can definitley relate to a lot of the replies here. I do think there is a difference between romantically alone and alone with no friends. On a typical Friday and Saturday night I am bouncing around from one social activity to the next (I was not always that way, I used to be near agoraphobic), but coming alone is still tough. There have been many Sunday evenings that I come home for the weekend and as soon as I hit the driveway I break down in tears.

CMT8746,
I think you are right on point. If anyone was ever attracted to me I would almost feel an obligation to reciprocate. That got me burned a lot. Now that I am more selective in who I date and get involved in, it has probably made me more lonley, but at least the rational part of my brain teels me it is better to be alone than in a bad relationship. Sometimes knowing what is good for you is not always easy.

Calicopunk,
Welcome from another new member. Like you I never had kids for the same reasons, and the fact that my parents had a very messy divorce and I could never imagine myself putting someone else through that.

Part of me wonders if western society in general is moving away from monogamous long term relationships. The more we become electronically connected the more we have more options and bounce around from one person to the next. According to a recent study, Facebook is cited in 1/3 of divorce cases, just as an example. Our parents and grandparents did not have to deal with that, and I think they took their vows more seriously.

Just my cynical opinion, I could be wrong. I hope I am.