My husband and I have been married for 40 years. He was never an affectionate person nor did he give compliments. We never talked about anything real. Just surface stuff like when he would be home for dinner and what degree he was going to get next.
He's always been a good provider. Big Blue loves workaholics and my husband is that and more. I was busy raising three kids, taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning, driving the kids around, etc.
I often thought of leaving him but I had three kids and no job skills.
I stayed for many reasons over the years.
I should have left him when the last kid went to college but God had other plans for me. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Now I'm stuck. I need his health insurance. I can't live on my own.
He's always had a "cave" in every house we lived in. Oh, I forgot to mention that we moved 12 times so I have no long term friends. I was so sick when we moved here that I couldn't do the things that get you out and let you make friends.
I did make one friend. One wonderful friend. She died on Jan. 1 of brain cancer. I don't think my husband has any idea how CFS has affected my life. He did tell me once that I wasn't fun anymore. It's hard to be "fun" when you can barely get from your bed to the bathroom.
I have no one to talk to anymore. My kids are busy with their lives. When I do talk to them, they don't want to hear about my problems especially any related to their father.
I don't want to go to sleep at night because I know when I wake up it will be just like every other day. He'll be at work and then in the evening he'll be in his room with the door closed and music blaring. Or he'll go to his model railroad club and work by himself. Because he doesn't work well with others. Any excuse to get away from me.
Trust me, there is no book that is going to help anyone in this situation unless your spouse wants to read it with you. And do what the book suggests. I speak from experience.
There is no answer. No miracle. No future. No chance of change.
All there is is an endless string of lonely days and lonely nights.
My dogs are the only reason I get up in the morning. They love me and think I'm fun.

Yep. My husband and I both were. That's part of the reason I am now no longer married and still lonely.

OMG! Margo..You and I are living the SAME LIFE! I too have been married over 20 yrs...I too have 2 children tho not as old as yours...I totally understand where youre coin form..I fyou ever need to talk..would be GLAD to! I ahve had maybe 1 bad experience w/ not-so-great lsinteners..but have found 1 really greta person here...i think youre don the right thing..u need to build a suport network wround you..someoone you can tlak to when things arent that great..or ahvin a bad day...I happen to think Im a pretty darn good listener soo..i u need to share... Im here!