I am sorry, I am not married anymore, but I have felt lonely for years before my breakup (and she did as well, before she left me). This is a common distancing problem that more and more long term couples have. We all need to unwind, but if neither of you is working on your marriage, you can't expect it to last or be a happy one. Margo, if he is a good man, in addition to doing things to fulfill yourself, try to reconnect with him before it is too late. You have a chance to turn to your spouse and get him to turn to you, before loneliness becomes separation/divorce AND loneliness. Start simple - talk to him openly and honestly about your feelings and what you want. If you are willing, try counseling, or even better, take a marriage fitness course. There are so many people here that have gone through the pain of separation/divorce (of which I am one); if you have a chance to turn your marriage around before it is too late, please take it. If you both start putting effort into the marriage, it could be the happiest years of your lives...

lonely and married describes me to a T. i know exctly what u are going through. My husband tells me how much he loves me but is always in another room other than the one i'm in when he's home. every time I try to set up something for us to do together he is not interested. he tells me he;s not ignoring me and that its all in my head but I spend a lot of time by myself. I feel more lonely than I did when I was single. and to make things worse I moved out of my home town where I had family and friendsto follow this man. now I am in a city where I know no one and live with an emotionally blank husband. when I ask why he's being distant he says its not me he just is feeling depressed lateley and unsocial but tells me he loves me very much. Im torn . . can I stay with a man who says he loves me if I don' ever feel it? I don't have any solid answers for you but please know that i am here if you need to talk. let me know if you find a successful way to reach out to your husband cause nothing has worked so far for me.

There is a member-created support group called Married with a Side of Frustration. You might consider joining.

I know just what you mean. My husband and I go to our separate rooms in the evening. We have nothing in common but the kids and as our youngest becomes a teen, there seems to be less and less for us to do together. My husband doesn't like to go places, and I do. I used to do things with the kids. Now, I go out with a friend or by myself, and I don't worry about what he wants or doesn't want to do. I'm not going to sit at home and miss out on life.

Take your tennis class and enjoy yourself!

If you want to talk, send me a message.

Take care.

I used to spend all my time with girlfriend, but we are no longer friends. I realized that she and I had a toxic relationship. I don't have a lot of friends right now so maybe I'm hoping I can start dong more with my husband. Since we are married, it only makes sense to me. But I can't expect him to meet all of my needs, so maybe I do need to do more. I think I am going to sign up for the tennis class and see how it goes.

Thanks for all of your responses. I really apreciate them.

yea, that's me too. He's got his military life, his military trips, his military friends, his hobbie that I'm not part of, and I need to find a hole for my puzzle piece to fit into. I used to do it well...find reasons to call, seek approval, etc. Cook and cater to his friends so that I felt part of it...now I'm just depressed and feeling the emptiness and loneliness more and more. I've concluded that he's oblivious and doesn't care to acknowlede his part in any of it. In his world, it's me that has issues and is broken.

I wonder if there is any way for you to reconnect with your husband. Another idea would be to reconnect with yourself. Is there anything you'd like to do that you aren't doing now. A class you'd like to take? Perhaps you could try a group on meetups.com. I attend an anxiety meeting that I found through that website. I was actually looking for a group of people who love American Idol, but there wasn't one.

Yes margo your not alone in being alone married! I have felt this way for years. After I had gastric bypas surgery I realized how my wife played me like a drum, bitching until I give into whatever she wanted and she drinks too much and cant remember anything the next day.
I also have 2 sons and I ask them to go to a mvie and noone will go
and she will only go to a movie that she wants to see, needless to say I go the movies by myself. I sit and think sometimes why am I here? does anyone even really care. Summer is almost over and school will be starting and I pray somethings will change, and for the better.It summer in MN and the evening are gorg and I love to sit outside and she watches TV all night till bedtime and I sit out side with a bonfire by myself. Wishing for someone to talk too.
I go for long walks with my dogs and love them so mcuh they are all I have and loveme for who I am not who they can make me into.

Hey all you married and lonely. My own experience is that it is possible to change things when your relationship has gone awry. Try reading a book called 'Getting the love you want' by Harville Hendrix. It gives you great tools to get your relationship working again. Good luck and don't despair: things don't stay the same forever.

My reationship with my husband is ok, but i still miss friendships. One person cannot meet all our needs.

i feel so lonely in my relationship and my husband is always with his aa people i should be grateful that he isnt drinking any more and i feel like i have nothing and i wish we could get back what we once had my husband has also been told he has anxiety disorder and pibolar i feel so useless and alone

i can relate to what u guys r going through. things r still kinda like that with me and my husband but we r slowing workng on it but i am still missing friendships. i think if i had more friendships, it would help.

You know, lately I have been feeling loney even tho i am married. My husband is laid off work. He is not depressed about it..hes is actually enjoying himself?! He is over his friends house a lot. I dont really have a prob. with that per say. its just that I feel he would rather be over there and with me..they dont drink or do drugs which is good. and I could go over. but, they dont really want me over..I just know. my husband never really listens to me. I have a hard time keeping a job as of late because of depression. I go to college and I really want to better myself I feel like giving up sometimes but, I only have couple more years to get my bachlors. Its my goal, my dream it is what helps keep me going besides my family and God. we do things sometimes together like movie so forth..but, he still seems distant when we are together..i have tried talking to him suggested couseling so forth..I have high standards and dont believe in divorce. maybe too high..hmm

Here's a new one for you.

I fell down a flight of steps, suffered a brain injury, and woke up not in love with my husband (a brain injury is originally why I joined DS).

Not being "in love" and no sense of taste or smell is my only lasting injury.

Yeah, I'm lonely, yes, I want to move on with my life. I do care about him and don't want to hurt him. It's like I love him like a brother. I have guilt like hell. I tried and tried. I'm not in love. We did counseling and doctors. He knows this and continues to try and hope I will be in love.

I was married two years when this happened and I have 2 children (now 8 & 13) from a previous marriage (my first husband is dead). Yes, I'm lonely. I don't want to hurt anyone. Yeah, sometimes it just seems hopeless. I take it day to day. kim

Absolutly know the feeling. My husband works alot of nights, refuses to change his shift. Very unsociable, content with watching tv. He also resents the fact that I spend time with friends & family without him. He wonders why his kids don't invite him out, its because they known he is never social. He has accused me of being a lesbian because I find no pleasure in having sex with him, which is not true. I just have no desire or attraction to him anylonger. We have talked about this and nothing has changed. He says he loves me, will not do or go anywhere unless I go & hovers around me to the point of smothering. But when I am away from home he is constantly on the computer which has been witnessed by my teenage son. So I am thinking a separation may soon be in the works.

Oh I used to be one. For years. In my case there was no chance of making it work. Separated now, it is much better to be lonely without someone by your side... At least I have a chance to change this...