Loneliness Support Group

Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...

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An Ant

Sahm312
Sahm312

Sometimes I feel about as unnoticed as one ant in the grand scheme of the world. Sure i put on clothes and take on some visible identity. Sure i can write useless unimpavtful words on a forum like this or one less useful like facebook. Are there any other differences? I have two kids. They matter to me. If i was gone my parents would be devastated and so would my kids... but i don't matter to anyone else. I mean sure my husband would be sad too, but who else in the world cares that i am alive? Maybe my brothers and sister would take notice, but i do nothing for the world. I contribute no great puzzle piece to fill the great human void. I don't have anything to leave worth any mention to my kids or to their children and so on. 


So I have been failing this week at managing my appetite. I am trying to find something to fill the void. I am a stay at home mom. I don't even feel like i get a lot of quality time with my kids because mornings I have to pull teeth to get my older child ready and on the bus(or to drive in when the bus is missed) and repeat the pulling of teeth for homework and bedtimes. For my younger child I spend too much time addressing meals and trying to fit in infrequent fitness sessions, handling mundane time consuming domestic tasks, pulling more teeth to get diapers changed, and wondering if bedtime will ever come.


I don't have friends. One. My husband isn't into deep and meaningful conversation. My mother is always dealing with other people's issues. I occasionally get to spend 15 minutes in the morning grousing w my sister-in-law when she drops her son off. I watch him for $10 a day. I am broke all the time but still feel guilty for charging to watch him even though it means i get up at 5:30am. I am happy to see my nephew, don't get that part misconstrued, it's just that my body goes into some crazy cortisol fit waking that early so i am home around food all day with the appetite that won't end. 


I used to take adderall for add. Had two kids and managed the safer zoloft a bit in between until I couldn't bear the numbness it left me with emotionally anymore. Now i take nothing. I am ok, but still 20-60% not okay some days. I am thankful for the percentages that feel some good.


Having little to no grown-up interaction, absolutely no deep meaningful conversations, I am wearing thin tonight.


I tried talking politics tonight, which I absolutely detest, but it seemed a harmless not so vulnerable topic of discussion since my husband and I generally share the same hopes for the outcome of the election. The talk was put to rest since he is tired of the news repeating everything so "he" doesn't want to talk about that.


I've got nothing... and no one to connect with.


You, any one, whoever you may be... If this gets read...


Thank you for thinking somehow it mattered in the least bit to click on my tirade. I hope karma, God, or whatever good graces you believe exist in this life send some happiness and warmth your way.


Time to go be an ant again.


koolman
koolman
You're not an ant. You're a worthwhile woman who wants to feel some passion in her life. Have you told your husband this, that you want to feel passionately connected to him, that you'd like to have some deep, meaningful conversations with him, doesn't have to be about politics, about anything? Ask HIM what HE would like to talk about, what matters to HIM?
Sahm312
Sahm312
I believe it's true what they say, we tend to marry someone who is similar to our parents. My husband is wonderful and has a tender heart... he just isn't conversatonal about a lot of things. Our conversations don't evolve into anything deep. We have been together 5 years and I don't discount or ignore his interests this is just the dynamic of our relationship. Acceptance is as important a relationship skill as conversation. It's not his responsibility to meet all of my needs in life. I just have very limited social interactions and feel the dull ache of loneliness sometimes.
Debbalina
Debbalina
I read your rant. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I feel like an ant too sometimes wondering why on earth was I born. You say you have no one but it seems like you have lots of people around you (at least more than I do). That doesn't mean you should necessarily feel better but perhaps you can change those relationships you do have to be more rewarding and more to your liking. I know what you mean about missing deep conversations with people. They are hard to come by but when they do the connected feeling is there. Perhaps when your load lightens you will have more energy to find and build relationships that have more meaning for you. I know you feel alone and it sucks. But things can change. Hang in there.
P00hbear
P00hbear
I understand exactly how you feel. I wonder why I'm here, and what difference I really make. If I were gone my husband and a few friends would miss me, but that would be all. I don't have any family other than that (all are estranged or just too selfish to care about me, I have always been on the outskirts of my family, basically forgotten by them unless they need something). I just try to keep in perspective that I may be making a difference that I don't see yet - I try to stay positive, be kind and friendly, and you never know when a kind word or smile might have made someone's day. So I don't know why I'm here, but while I'm here, I will try to live life positively, get joy where I can, and do the best I can.
Sahm312
Sahm312
Really valid points and your input is reassuring! I do have people like Debbalina said. I might be making a difference as Poohbear said. And I Do want to feel passionately connected as koolman said... but maybe not to a someone but rather to something. Maybe it's my spiritual connection in this life that is starving.
lighttheway
lighttheway
I kind of feel the same way.No-one would care if I was gone except my kids.no husband,no friends,so SO....My kids are adults now.when they were little,i felt like I had a purpose and that mundane repetitiveness made me happy.Now that they are grown,i'm not even sure they like me.but I'm still their mother,so I guess they would miss me.
Sahm312
Sahm312
Fallingleaves, that really makes me feel that i need to somehow find a more personal purpose now while my kids are still young. My struggle is trying to figure out what that should be. I frequently worry about spinning my wheels in the wrong direction so i get stuck in the muck of my contemplation. I want the social connection, but shouldn't that or couldn't that come from a shared interest or sense of purpose?
Sahm312
Sahm312
Badluckandtrouble, how inspiring to see someone valuing the minutiae and subtleties which are far too often overlooked. I need more of this in my life.
xd1024freal
xd1024freal
Aww. Wow. You're like a hero to me, really. You take care of kids and they need you. You created human beings. That's awesome! Life can feel really empty sometimes, I've been there too much. It's hard for me to get into anything in life anymore. It's a really pathetic feeling for me. But you interact with Kids who need you. Anything you say or do can influence them in life for the better. That matters right.
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